Monday, January 8, 2024

It's Not Your Mother's Job

 To raise your children. There, I said it. Things have come to the point when Grannies quit their jobs to babysit their grandchildren while their daughters, the moms of these kids, keep on working. The funny part is that Boomer/early Gen X Grannies themselves kept on working when young and didn't bother to properly raise these daughters because it wasn't cool to be a SAHM or something, but now want to live vicariously through their daughters.

I'd like to quote Darla Shine's Happy Housewives:

Right now I want to talk to all the moms out there who can afford to be at home with their children. Women who have husbands who can support their families...I have to ask you: What are you doing? 

I know you feel guilty about your choice to continue working your way toward that glass ceiling, and I do agree with you that it totally sucks that you have to give it up for your family, but that's just the way it is. I'm sorry...You brought these little people into the world, so go home and raise them. It's not your mother's responsibility. 

Regan, 2006, p. 19. 

I did a review of her book here.


  1. Being at proper granny age I can relate to a point, I can understand, but I definitely agree that in normal circumstance it is the job of the mother. It is not solely on the mother's shoulders (it takes a village to raise a child and all that) but the smaller the child the more important is the role of the mother.

    I think why the grannies are so eager to raise their grandchildren is the regret and guilt, perhaps an unconscious attempt to fix something they feel need fixing. On the other hand getting older can be a difficult period in woman's life so like their male counterparts who do ridiculous things in order to prove others and themselves they are _not_that_old_yet_ focusing on grandchildren makes you feel needed again and that is one of the main pillars of life and sanity (feeling needed).

    And like in any relationship it takes two. The daughters are the enablers...

  2. Well here in Northern Europe children were never really raised by a village. It's very nice to have a loving and involved granny but no one can really substitute mother, something many people nowadays don't really understand by some reason. I think I'm going to write a post about it:)

    As for enabling, it's difficult to say who is enabling who. Granny is older than her daughter and ideally, should be wiser? I do remember an article which claimed that about 50% of dutch women only work because their mothers agreed to babysit.