Marriage And Social Class

 I found a very interesting post about marriage settlements and why upper class families weren't really thrilled at the prospect of their daughters marrying below their status:

If we take a moment to consider what a settlement might look like between an aristocrat's daughter and a commoner, this might elucidate for us (one of the many reasons) why her parents would be less than enthused about approving such a marriage. The dowry would likely include properties that had been in the family for generations, land and estates that were a source of pride for the family. The bridegroom, in return, would offer the bride... what?

For My Reader From Texas

Well, it took me some time but I finally did check your links yesterday evening. 

For the record, here they are:

Legion of Men

Pearl Davis

https://theeconomiccollapseblog.com/68-percent-of-americans-consider-the-condition-of-the-economy-to-be-poor-as-millions-of-u-s-consumers-reach-their-breaking-points

Just a couple of thoughts. Concerning the 1st video, I really had no idea that Americans have it so bad. What about your president fixing economy and stuff? Compared to this, we still have more or less decent life over here, even people who live on welfare and can't afford a car. 

As for Pearl, yeah, I'm not a big fan of her but as I'm lazy I won't do any fact checking and just take what she says about divorce at face value. There are two things I'd like to point out. First, despite the American divorce system which she criticises, according to her statistics, Hindus and Muslims somehow manage to have pretty low divorce rates which means that you still can have a normal family even with easy divorce laws. Which really makes it shameful for Christians to divorce so much. Especialy considering that Islam allows divorce and Christianity forbids it.

However, and this is my 2nd point. If you are a Christian, please keep in mind that if you want to have licit s8x and avoid fornication, marriage is your only option. And if you really don't want to marry, it's fine. Just stay single and celibate (or at least try to). Again, our divorce system is different and men do pretty well in it, BTW, the divorce rates started climbing in the 1990s when married women started working en masse. There was even scientific research which proved that the more hours the woman works the higher her chance of divorce. So make your own conclusions.

Your last link is more like the summary of the first video. 

I do appreciate the discussion so feel free to express your thoughts in the comments below:)

Let's Talk About S*x!

Well, since some of my readers want to talk about s8x, I'm happy to oblige:) 

Is s8x important in marriage? Apparently, there exists some controversy about this issue. For a valid marriage to take place, traditionally it had to be consummated (i.e. the husband and wife were supposed to have s8x with each other). Even in medieval times, one could get an annulment if the consummation didn't happen.

Before Vatican II the Catholic Church taught married women it was their duty to give s8x to their husbands under the penalty of mortal sin. And in the predominantly Protestant countries such as the USA the husband could get a divorce if his wife refused to fulfill her "marital duties" (mentioned in "Gone With The Wind").

However. S8x was tied to reproduction. Martin Luther thought that practicing contraception is worse than incest and called those who don't want to have children pigs and monsters. The Roman Catholic Church taught (and still does) that using anti-conception was sinful (they kinda allow the natural fertility stuff nowadays, with caveats). And in the 1920 USA when all divorce was based on fault, there was a case of a woman who was granted a divorce because her husband used contraception and thus denied her offspring. 

And if you didn't want to have children, then pity, but no s8x for you. I'm not saying here that it was the correct approach, just giving you some information to think about.

Further on, in the times when the wives were expected to "do their duty" men were expected to do theirs and provide, something many modern young men don't exactly fancy doing. They prefer to hang around, watch Netflix and breastfeed to working hard and supporting their family. Because marriage isn't about duty nowadays, but about something else entirely. Hence all the problems we can see around us. 

There is something else which is interesting. Since Victorian times there is this idea that men have animal nature while women are all pure and angelic and have to submit to their husbands' whims while basically having no pleasure (the famous "lie back and think of England stuff). It didn't use to be like this before and it's not typical outside of the West. For instance, there was this man in India who became famous because he married and fathered children in his 90s. He told to the newspaper that he could do it several times per day and that his wife was very pleased. 

While Victorian morals disappeared long ago, the idea that s8x is a chore and a burden for women somehow still persists. It shouldn't be like this, obviously. But the idea that s8x fixes all marital problems is wrong, too. In fact, I knew women whose husbands divorced them despite s8x being good. Because everything else was bad. In the end of the day, s8x is only one aspect of a healthy marriage so we shouldn't make an idol out of it. 

That's all for today, feel free to leave a comment;)

How To Have A Good Marriage

I remember reading about an old man once who made it well into his hundreds. When asked about his secret, he said: "I never smoked, drank or lied."

So my advice to you is, don't lie to your husband. Don't conceal stuff from him. Don't do things behind his back which you know he disapproves of. Marriage should be based on trust and good communication. Marriage can't be based on lies. Nothing good will ever come out of it. 

It doesn't mean that you have to share all your thoughts with him, though. If you hate his mother, you don't need to tell it to him every single day. Have some discretion;)...

Living Together Before Marriage Doesn't Work

 Here's why:

 If there’s one thing that ought to lead people to Christianity, it’s the proven ability of the Christian moral rules to guide believers away from the sins that destroy them. A lot of modern “Christians” have reduced Christianity to being about their feelings and their community, while allowing the culture to determine their goals and moral boundaries. But that won’t protect them from danger.

Catholic Church On The Role Of Women

CATHOLIC WOMEN ARE HOMEMAKERS AND MOTHERS BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE, AND WHENEVER POSSIBLE SHOULD REMAIN AT HOME AND NOT IN THE WORKPLACE. THEY MUST ALSO BE SUBMISSIVE TO THEIR HUSBANDS, WITHIN REASON, FOR THE GOOD OF THE FAMILY AND THEIR OWN DIGNITY. THIS IS OFFICIAL CATHOLIC TEACHING…👇

Read the rest over here 

So You Want To Be A Housewife

 What now? 

Here is some free advice which too many young girls don't get from their parents any more.

Don't marry a loser. Who is a loser? Simple, a guy who can't or won't hold down a job. The most important quality of your future husband is his ability to provide an income. Now it doesn't mean you should be a gold-digger. Be realistic in your demands. Upper class men can chase girls below them in status to have a bit of fun but few will marry them. As we say in our country like attracts like.

So you future husband doesn't have to be wealthy but he should have a steady income enough to support a family. That means no starving artists/rock-stars, no eternal students, no chronically unemployed guys and no mama's boys who get a burnout from working full time. Full time is 39/40 hours by the way, not 32 and not 36. 

In general, look closely at his mother and their family dynamics in general. A man should respect his parents but be independent and self-sufficient. If he is lazy and work shy and constantly has pain in his back don't think you'll be able to change him. He'll continue to suffer from back pain sitting at home playing video games/watching Netflix while you will be out there in the cold trying to earn a living.

Let it be his parents' problem, after all, they raised him this way.

If you want to have a middle class marriage, look for a breadwinner;)

 

Why Men Don't Want To Marry

 and why women should.

It's very simple. Marriage gives women rights as in claims on men's property. Many women nowadays abuse these rights by divorcing on a whim which naturally makes men suspicious of any woman so they try to persuade them into some temporary arrangement. Modern women, on the other hand, are often frankly, quite stupid and also promiscuous so they think they score a point against "patriarchy" by just shacking up with random guys.

In the USA, a man is still obliged to pay child support for children born outside of wedlock, but it's different in many European countries. Men have to either be legally married/have a concubinage contract or to agree to fatherhood by signing papers. Which many don't. If the house is in his name, he'll kick you out of his house. If the car is in his name, he'll take it away. He'll block the bank account, too. You'll be living on welfare in a bad neighbourhood and dating losers because most normal men don't want to wife up single welfare moms. I've seen it happen. 

And yet, women keep falling for it, time and again. Get some self-respect and say, no. Oh and by the way, the concubinage contract (because that's what legal partnership amounts to) still gives you less rights than being a lawfully wedded wife. Don't fall for these tricks. It's either marriage or nothing.

Did The Pill Cause Your Divorce?

 A long but interesting article:

Commonly used contraceptive pills may change natural mate preferences however. These pills introduce hormones that suppress ovulation and lead to temporary fertility loss, similarly to what happens during pregnancy. Consequently, heterosexual women's perception of men may serve a different function than that occurring around ovulation: They may pursue a cooperative partner who assists with child care rather than a genetically compatible partner.³ Women may therefore revert to having opposite mate preferences, becoming fixed on seeking less genetically compatible men whose body odor resembles that of their apparently supportive genetic relatives.⁴

To the extent that contraceptive pill use alters mate preferences (read more here), women who had taken hormonal contraceptives while meeting their partner and later discontinued their usage (as many do when they wish to conceive) may feel disenchanted with their initial partner choice. Indeed, the use of hormonal contraceptives may not only affect initial partner choice but also have unintended consequences for women’s relationship satisfaction if contraceptive pill use subsequently changes.

 In plain language. A healthy heteros8xual woman is attracted to assertive masculine men. The pill, on the other hand, can make her choose a feminine soyboy a modern sensitive male. When she tries to conceive and stops taking it she predictably gets disgusted disappointed and may  even divorce him. And if she doesn't, the result will be dysgenic especially if she gets sons. It's almost like it's a conspiracy. Now who could be behind it???

Women Who Destroy Their Marriages

 Interesting post and discussion:

 It’s pretty clear that the wives are mostly ending the marriages over relatively petty dissatisfactions with life rather than abuse, infidelity, or anything particularly serious. One woman described her regrets five years after ending her marriage; she even says that she’d abandon her current boyfriend and go back to her husband in an instant if he would have her.

The Real Reason For The Female Education

 Let's close in on some countries with a high TFR. Enter Nigeria: TFR of 5.

Age of consent (official): 18. Alphabet stuff: illegal.  

Average age of 1st marriage for females: 19.2

What about their education system?

...there are still many challenges preventing gender equality in the Nigerian education system. There is a significant bias against female involvement in specific academic disciplines, with studies showing the existence of gender-based stereotyping of students by teachers in secondary schools.^[73] The most dominant barriers are currently teen pregnancy, teen marriage, religious beliefs, poverty, and poor school facilities.

Though they probably do marry earlier than the official age in rural areas, please keep in mind that 18 and 19 year olds are still in their teens. BTW, the age of consent in my country is currently 16. Somehow it's OK for girls at this age to "experiment with their s8xuality" as some retarded mother wrote online, but Heaven forbid they marry and get pregnant. No, off to school she goes till the age of 30. 

Wikipedia gives  2 mutually exclusive reasons for this weird Nigerian tradition of marrying and multiplying. It's a) colonialism which imposed 'ideology of domesticity' whatever the heck it is. b) African national customs :

According to work done by Denga, one prominent cultural view is that it is better for the woman to stay home and learn to tend to her family instead of pursuing Western education.

Well, I guess you can't have both a high TFR and female emancipation, and since we are a very enlightened culture, we choose extinction with open eyes.

 

How Important Is Marital S8x

I've been doing some research online on an unrelated topic and came across an Islamic Q&A site which explained the obligations of spouses. The husband, it said, owes his wife financial support as long as she makes herself  available to him.

Now imagine a Evangelical preacher saying something similar? 

And yet, pre-Vatican II Catholic priests used to teach married women that denying your husband s8x was a mortal sin. Conservative Orthodox churches still teach essentially the same. Denying your spouse their "marital rights" used to be grounds for divorce. 

By traditional definition, marriage only becomes valid after being consummated (i.e. having s8x). Marriage ceases to exist when one spouse persistently denies the other without valid medical reason. Modern Evangelicals will always stress how it's always the husband's fault if he commits the sins of lust, even when his wife kicked him out of marital bed 5 years ago. 

Let's be honest over here, does it sound reasonable to you? According to the Bible, one of the reasons for marriage is to avoid fornication by having legitimate relations with your spouse. If that spouse refuses to cooperate in this area, he or she is definitely responsible to some degree for the other spouse straying. 

Of course, there are seasons in marriage. Pregnancy and breastfeeding, illness, death etc. But outside of this, what is your excuse? Personally I blame Victorians. They concocted this ridiculous idea that women were all sugar and spice and everything nice and angels in the house raised above the beastly passions of their husbands. They had to "tolerate it all for the joys of motherhood", "lie back and think of England" and other ridiculous nonsense. Somehow modern churches decided that Victorianism is the way to go, apparently. 

Here is the thing: women are very much s8xual beings, just like men. Marriage is very much about s8x. Plus it's good for women's health, too. Please keep in mind that for a Christian, the only way to have legitimate s8x without sinning, is with one's spouse. If you aren't married, get married. And if you are, then what else do you need? Have fun together, you both deserve it!

Biological Fathers Are Important

 Here is some statistics for you:

 Perhaps one of the most relevant and more surprising findings was this: 68% of the maltreated children were maltreated by a female, whereas 48% were maltreated by a male. (Some children were maltreated by both.) Of children maltreated by biological parents, mothers maltreated the majority (75%) whereas fathers maltreated a sizable minority (43%). In contrast, male perpetrators were more common for children maltreated by nonbiological parents or parents’ partners (64%) or by other persons (75%).

This statistic is the single most illustratory piece of data proving that removing children’s biological fathers from the home is the single biggest factor in risk of abuse. This supports my assertion that fathers, the family patriarchs, have the most interest and the biggest protective effect on the lives of children. They are less likely to abuse than biological mothers and, once removed, make single mother homes an easy target for predators who are not related to the child. 

 The second point people need to understand is that mothers are the most likely to abuse or neglect children, not fathers. In 2021, about 210,746 children in the United States were abused by their mother, whereas 132,363 children were abused by their father in that year. (Source: US Department of Health and Human Services; Administration for Children & Families https://www.acf.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/documents/cb/cm2021.pdf) This is consistent with findings across all NIS data...

...Only 0.7 per 1,000 children living with two married biological parents were sexually abused, compared to 12.1 per 1,000 children living with a single parent who had an unmarried partner...  

Read the whole article over here.

Should Men Still Seek Marriage

Or rather should they be afraid of divorce? VD thinks they shouldn't:

Other than its generally unpleasant nature, the waste of time and money it entails, and the inevitably deleterious effect on the children, divorce really isn’t anything for the average man to fear. So, if you’re a young man who is afraid of marriage due to the perceived dangers of divorce, be aware that you risk missing out on one of the greatest and most important experiences of your life because you’re jumping at shadows.

Marital S8x, Again

 It's spring around here:)

So I thought you'd like this article:

And here, any competent Bible student can see that the feministic stance on the sexual and emotional obligations of spouses is exactly the reverse of the case, if anything. The Bible, and the Christian tradition as a consequence, clearly holds that sex (and the fruit that ordinarily comes from it) is the primary, distinctive feature of marriage. Marriage is designed to be the place where sex happens. Marriage and sex are not the same thing, but the latter is a necessary condition and the primary reason for the former. Marriage is meant to channel the incredible power of human sexuality into a constructive force- biologically, psychologically, and socially. When the heat of sexuality is allowed to run outside of marriage, it is inevitably a destructive fire. And of course, having a marriage without sex, is like building a forge to do basket weaving. So it shouldn’t be controversial to say that by design sex should be happening in marriage. Which means spouses owe conjugal relations to each other. They are in fact entitled to sex with their mate.

For all the women out there who apparently hate the very idea of having s8xual relationship with their (prospective) husbands: why don't you go join the nunnery? Seriously though, depriving your spouse is a just cause for divorce. When we abolish no-fault divorce, it'll be one of the divorce grounds again. 

Hat tip to Will from Patriactionary

There Is Nothing Glamorous About Divorce

Here is an interesting video about women regretting their divorces:

 

 Here are a couple of things to consider. First, WARNING: language. Not PG friendly:) 

Second, I've know guys who did exactly the thing he says never happens, like leaving his wife for another woman, but his general point stands. 

Third, the lady with 4 kids is a real basket case and the ex-husband is much too nice, which is why she probably left him in the first place. 

And finally, the last case. I've written on my blog about a similar story, but it ended much worse. The woman hanged herself in front of her minor kids. 

Women in the past were taught how to attract men, to make them marry you and, the most important thing, how to keep them. Appears to be a lost art nowadays...

Are Husbands Supposed To Support Their Wives?

 Recently I read a discussion about polygamy. One guy said that Islam only allows polygamy to provide for widows and orphans/divorced women, but as usual, men abused this right by marrying young hot 2nd wives when their 1st wife grows older, which, in his opinion was very wrong. However, he continued, in the case of helping some poor (war) widow it could be a noble thing to do.

A European lady was surprised. She asked if women in his country worked at all and why would they need a man to provide for them and their children. "In my country everybody works," she stated. Now I wonder which country it is and how did it stray so far from the original design, and I find it especially sad that the lady stated she was a Christian, so let's look at what the Scriptures say about it. A funny thing is that OT allowed polygamy and expressly stated that if the man took another wife, he still had the duty to keep his 1st wife in the way she was accustomed to:

Exodus 21:

 7 And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the menservants do.   8 If she please not her master, who hath betrothed her to himself, then shall he let her be redeemed: to sell her unto a strange nation he shall have no power, seeing he hath dealt deceitfully with her.   9 And if he have betrothed her unto his son, he shall deal with her after the manner of daughters.   10 If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish.   11 And if he do not these three unto her, then shall she go out free without money.

Here is what Matthew Henry wrote on the issue:

"Concerning maid-servants, whom their parents, through extreme poverty, had sold, when they were very young, to such as they hoped would marry them when they grew up; if they did not, yet they must not sell them to strangers, but rather study how to make them amends for the disappointment; if they did, they must maintain them handsomely, v. 7-11. Thus did God provide for the comfort and reputation of the daughters of Israel, and has taught husbands to give honour to their wives (be their extraction ever so mean) as to the weaker vessels, 1 Pet 3 7."

So yes, men are supposed to provide for their wives. And then, of course, there is this famous 1Tim 5:8 verse, which is not only about widows, according to John Gill:

 But if any provide not for his own
Not only for his wife and children, but for his parents, when grown old, and cannot help themselves

This, btw, takes us back to the whole Boomer problem. Boomers are accused of not supporting their adult children financially, while here it is stated that it's adult children who have to provide/care for their aged parents. Hmm
 

Should Marriage Be Based On Love?

 I should say yes, among other things, and if not love, then, at least, mutual attraction. I mean it's incredible to me that some folks push the idea that it's absolutely not important for the future spouses to have any kind of feelings for one another. Because "romantic love" is the root of all evil, don't you know?

Well, I don't know about romantic love, whatever the heck it is, but passionate love is quite important. "Passion" sounds rather old-fashioned nowadays because it's actually an euphemism for s8xual desire, and marriage literally can't exist without s8x. Even Medieval Catholic Church would give annulment if marriage was never consummated. Consummation means having s8x. By the same logic, later on Protestant countries would grant a divorce if one the parties refused the other in bed refused to perform their "marital duties."

How are you supposed to have a healthy s8x life if you aren't attracted to your spouse? I don't think many of us would like to return to the times of "lie back and think of England":) Of course, we all know examples when even arranged marriages turned into stable loving relationships, so you don't always have to be "madly in love" before your wedding day, but a pure marriage of convenience, especially when one of the spouses (usually the woman) is repulsed by the other and married him purely for money or some other reason, is a recipe for disaster, especially in the times of easy no-fault divorce.

Do we really need to drag the worst of Victorianism into our present day and how would it make our family life better? 

Good Advice For Men

 From Gab:

Men Who Don't Want Children

 It happens quite often nowadays. The wife wants another child, and the husband says, "3 is enough or 2 is enough". And sometimes even, "1 is enough". Sometimes it's about money, of course, but you even hear it from wealthy couples. So what's the reason behind this behaviour? Are all these men simply immature? That's what many would say, and yet...

 I'll give you a historical example. My husband's grandfather had 7 children. He loved all of them and was proud he had so many. It didn't come into his mind that they should may be have stopped after the third one or something. He was not the only one as most men of his generation had multiple children. The pill was not available yet, but the Biblical method was hardly unknown to them and not all were Catholics.

On the other hand. The grandfather didn't change diapers (unless the wife was sick or something). He didn't bottle feed. He didn't babysit in his free time while his wife was getting plastered in a pub in the company of strange men. He didn't do any housework, neither laundry, nor washing the dishes, dusting or cooking any meals or you name it. Grandma did it, and later as the children grew they did most of the chores. He didn't bring the kids to school or pick them up from daycare while his wife was "empowering herself" at work. In short, he didn't do any of the stuff "the good husband" is supposed to do nowadays.

By the modern standards, he was a bad father. But you know what he did? He worked hard the whole day, every day at his business (he was a carpenter and started working at 13). He didn't drink neither visited wh8res and brought all this money home and supported his family. He taught his children manners and respect and discipline and Christian morals. They all turned out well, none was an alcoholic or a junkie or went to prison or something similar. They all married and none had children out of wedlock. In short, on average, they turned out better than many a modern kid.

I only wonder what children the latest generation of "sensitive" fathers will produce, you know the one which likes to stay home and breastfeed while wifey works?