Father's Day

 Happy Father's Day, everyone!

We are experiencing a heat wave right now so I'll keep this short;) hope you all are having a good time!

Father Knows Best

 Happy Father's Day, everyone!

Father Of The Year?

 A bizarre story out of New Zealand:

A fugitive father and his three children have been spotted together for the first time in nearly three years, along the west coast of New Zealand’s North Island.

Just before Christmas 2021, Tom Phillips fled into the Waikato wilderness with his children Ember, now 8, Maverick, now 9, and Jayda, now 11, following a dispute with their mother.

Phillips has not been seen since last November after he allegedly stole a quad bike from a rural property and broke into a shop in Piopio. CCTV footage showed two figures on a street, believed to be him and one of the children.

You can read the rest over here:

Your Teenager Needs You Home

 There are still women out there who would agree that mothers of young children belong home. Some would even go so far as to suggest that those kids who go to primary school should have their moms around, too. But a teenager? They can take care of themselves, can't they?

There is a small problem with this line of reasoning. Namely, the fact, that teenagers in general are prone to risk-taking behaviours, as illustrated by the previous article I linked to. Your baby isn't going to get drunk. Your toddler won't do drugs or start an orgy. Your teenager may and sometimes they will. 

When you look at the case of the teenage killer, you see a stereotypical 2 income family and a child (yes, teenagers are still children) of 14 spending long hours home alone which gave her the freedom to use drugs without her parents even suspecting anything. Because if you know something about a 2 income family (I do), then you realise that both parents are too tired in the evening to really bother. 

In my country the police recently arrested a p8do. He created fake accounts on social media pretending to be a young woman and encouraging underage boys to send him explicit material. Some of these boys were as young as 10. While the crimes against children are horrible, and should be punished severely, I keep wondering, where were the parents of these young boys? Do they take any interest in their kids' activities any more, or do they just give them a smartphone and that's it?

Mom, in the world of today your teenager needs you at home, more than ever!

Biological Fathers Are Important

 Here is some statistics for you:

 Perhaps one of the most relevant and more surprising findings was this: 68% of the maltreated children were maltreated by a female, whereas 48% were maltreated by a male. (Some children were maltreated by both.) Of children maltreated by biological parents, mothers maltreated the majority (75%) whereas fathers maltreated a sizable minority (43%). In contrast, male perpetrators were more common for children maltreated by nonbiological parents or parents’ partners (64%) or by other persons (75%).

This statistic is the single most illustratory piece of data proving that removing children’s biological fathers from the home is the single biggest factor in risk of abuse. This supports my assertion that fathers, the family patriarchs, have the most interest and the biggest protective effect on the lives of children. They are less likely to abuse than biological mothers and, once removed, make single mother homes an easy target for predators who are not related to the child. 

 The second point people need to understand is that mothers are the most likely to abuse or neglect children, not fathers. In 2021, about 210,746 children in the United States were abused by their mother, whereas 132,363 children were abused by their father in that year. (Source: US Department of Health and Human Services; Administration for Children & Families https://www.acf.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/documents/cb/cm2021.pdf) This is consistent with findings across all NIS data...

...Only 0.7 per 1,000 children living with two married biological parents were sexually abused, compared to 12.1 per 1,000 children living with a single parent who had an unmarried partner...  

Read the whole article over here.

Fatherhood Is Biological

 Recently I encountered a book which dealt with paternity fraud. Some 10 years ago the only people interested in this stuff were obscure male rights groups, and now they are writing bestsellers about it. Amazing, isn't it?

Of course, it was a thoroughly modern book, full of "strong career women" and the men who cook them dinner, but it still had some sort of a moral in it. And having thought it over, I came to the conclusion that what the author tried to say was: "Don't do paternity fraud. Don't even try it, because it can lead to all sorts of trouble, and even crime." As it basically happened with the book characters.

And yet, it has one of "good" female characters uttering this phrase: "fatherhood is not biological anyway."

Except, of course, it is, just like motherhood. Now before I proceed any further, I'd like to add a disclaimer that I'm not speaking about adoption. In fact, adoption is a different topic altogether. There is no deception involved, as both husband and wife agree to adopt. We still talk about "adoption parents" as opposed to just "parents" though and it's often the wife who is more keen on adopting than her husband.

The reason for this is very simple. Many men aren't so eager to invest into children who aren't theirs. In most cultures a man will want to sire sons who will then carry on his bloodline. Male heirs have always been important, and still are, except in the USA, where I read, statistics say that more people prefer daughters (not that I'm surprised really). 

Saying that fatherhood isn't biological is directly attacking fatherhood. It's also very convenient for single moms and women who divorce on a whim and exchange their children's biological fathers for a string of boyfriends (who are statistically more likely to abuse them, but who cares?) 

The male equivalent would be something like the husband getting rid of his wife's baby and substituting it with the one he had with his mistresses, then telling his wife a baby is a baby and motherhood isn't biological anyway. I guess we all realise how ridiculous it sounds. 

Luckily these times of Mother's Right are drawing to an end and we as a society have understood that fathers have rights, too. The book ends quite progressively with main character getting an equal custody with his ex-wife, something many fathers can still only dream of.

Should Grandparents Babysit?

 "Boomers" are often criticised for (among other things) refusing to babysit their grandchildren. Now, obviously, it's a good thing for grandparents to be involved with their grand-kids, to be available, to offer help and advise as needed, and to babysit occasionally, when the parents have a date night together, for instance.

However, I have a feeling that's not what Boomer haters really mean (and btw, many of these so-called boomers are more like early GenXers at that moment). What they do mean is that they want their parents to raise their kids for them while they are out working full time for luxury stuff and having fun at night. 

Here is a (generic) example of 2 generations from real life. Parents: mother stays home when the kids are born and may later work very part-time when the kids are teenagers. They live in a cheap average size house in a lower middle class neighbourhood and have 1 budget vacation a year. Children: both work full time while daycare and parents raise their kid (usually one as two is too much hassle), live in a big expensive house in a posh area (which their elderly parents help clean, as they have no time for all that nonsense) and have "many luxury vacations". 

Oh, and they expect their parents to help with the yard work, too. 

Is it a wonder that many parents rather don't like it? You know what? Your parents don't have an obligation to raise your kids. They already raised you. In fact, if less parents babysat for their entitled children, more mothers would stay where they should be, in their own homes raising their own kids. You don't have to live in a villa. You don't need 2 brand new cars. You aren't entitled to staying in all inclusive 5 star hotels 3 times a year. It's a want, not a need.

When you think of it, there must be a reason that people are at their most fertile in their 20s and not their 60s. It takes a lot of energy to take care of small children, and young people are much more energetic and resilient than someone who (nearly) reached the retirement age. 

I think we should all stop hating on Grandma...

You Don't Have To Accept Their Bull888t

 How many parents are conditioned to "accept their children as they are" and never dare to show disapproval of their choices? Well, this one dad had enough:

Men Who Don't Want Children

 It happens quite often nowadays. The wife wants another child, and the husband says, "3 is enough or 2 is enough". And sometimes even, "1 is enough". Sometimes it's about money, of course, but you even hear it from wealthy couples. So what's the reason behind this behaviour? Are all these men simply immature? That's what many would say, and yet...

 I'll give you a historical example. My husband's grandfather had 7 children. He loved all of them and was proud he had so many. It didn't come into his mind that they should may be have stopped after the third one or something. He was not the only one as most men of his generation had multiple children. The pill was not available yet, but the Biblical method was hardly unknown to them and not all were Catholics.

On the other hand. The grandfather didn't change diapers (unless the wife was sick or something). He didn't bottle feed. He didn't babysit in his free time while his wife was getting plastered in a pub in the company of strange men. He didn't do any housework, neither laundry, nor washing the dishes, dusting or cooking any meals or you name it. Grandma did it, and later as the children grew they did most of the chores. He didn't bring the kids to school or pick them up from daycare while his wife was "empowering herself" at work. In short, he didn't do any of the stuff "the good husband" is supposed to do nowadays.

By the modern standards, he was a bad father. But you know what he did? He worked hard the whole day, every day at his business (he was a carpenter and started working at 13). He didn't drink neither visited wh8res and brought all this money home and supported his family. He taught his children manners and respect and discipline and Christian morals. They all turned out well, none was an alcoholic or a junkie or went to prison or something similar. They all married and none had children out of wedlock. In short, on average, they turned out better than many a modern kid.

I only wonder what children the latest generation of "sensitive" fathers will produce, you know the one which likes to stay home and breastfeed while wifey works?

The Generation Of Lotus Eaters

 Gen Z is stuck in eternal childhood, thanks to their mothers…

A widely-shared video showcases a young man who, by any standard, should be in the prime of his life—earning money and looking for a wife. Instead, he’s trapped in perpetual adolescence, largely due to a mother held back by her own fears of loneliness and feeling obsolete. Unfortunately, this is becoming symbolic of today’s “modern man.” 

I can attest that I personally know mothers and sons like this. 

Cinderella Vs The Stepmother's Daughter

 I remember when I was young a friend of mine used to tease me. She'd phone early in the morning during school vacations and if I was still in bed she'd tell me that only the Stepmother's daughter would be up so late. My friend had to do a lot of housework growing up. I still had to help at home, of course, but less than her, you see.

When I started working I was still living with my parents. I had to give a part of my income to my mother to pay for the costs of living. I used gas, electricity and water, plus there were taxes to pay and we as a family had a common budget for food. I think it was not more than fair.

How many girls nowadays are doing this? How many parents require it? Boys, too, btw. What I witness quite often, is mothers getting back to work to provide adult children living at home with money for benzine, clothes and luxury vacations while also doing most of the housework. Later, they will complain that nobody wants her spoiled prince/princess.

This is purely a Western phenomenon. Last year when I was dealing with aftermath of Covid I spent lots of time watching movies online and somehow found a channel with Pakistani TV series. I got a real cultural shock when I watched some of them. It showed mothers just nicely sitting around while their daughters ( we are talking here about college students, not small children) were serving them, bringing tea, cooking dinner and doing housework in general. One girl was shown as lazy and of poor character and she didn't do much at home citing her studies as an excuse and her mother (it was a single mom, lol) was complaining what a horrible daughter she had.

Here it's the norm, unfortunately. It wasn't always like this. For instance, my mother-in-law while still living at home had to knit socks for everyone, while her sister had to cook and feed breakfast to other kids. My mother-in-law was the 2nd oldest of 7. She and her elder brother had to do family laundry every week before going to school. That's how women of that generation managed to raise big families. They simply didn't wait on their children hand and foot, like modern moms do too often. They also didn't usually babysit their grandkids, that was the mother's job; and neither did they keep on financially supporting their adult children living separately well into their 40s and 50s. 

Somehow we all forgot that it's Cinderella which we should aspire to, not the obnoxious, lazy and entitled Stepmother's daughter. It's Cinderella that the Prince Charming chose and not some spoiled foreign princess, either:) Somewhere there is a lesson in this story...

Someone Tells It Like It Is

Agree fully:)

More Boomer Hate

 from the usual suspect, or rather his wife, on Gab, where she references this article from Daily Mail as the proof that Boomers neglect their own grandchildren. The article, btw, isn't about older people demanding salaries, but rather about an estimation of the costs of the free childcare they provide by some insurance company, but that's not the point.

What I find really bizarre is that people who are supposedly for traditional family apparently believe raising children is now the duty of their grandparents and not their parents. The truth is that in the times past, grandparents only babysat occasionally and expected their daughters or daughters-in law to quit working and raise their offspring themselves, and not so long ago, either. It's not Grandma's duty to babysit while her daughter is out there in the office being a career woman.

In fact, in really traditional societies it's vice versa: the adult children have a duty to look after their  parents in their old age, the elderly folks don't have a duty to babysit, clean the house and cook for free (which yes, many are doing) while their entitled adult kids enjoy their 2 income life style. There was time in my country when money was taken out of the adult sons' salaries every month to support their aged parents back then when we were traditional.

In my opinion, most internet personalities promoting "return to tradition" wouldn't like it a bit to live in a really traditional culture.

Is Psychology A Scam?

 Well may be not psychology itself but its practitioners? 

So I read a transcript of a video by a lady psychologist. I say 'read' because I had no time to listen to this drivel:)

I learned the following: all children are born absolutely innocent, in a "blank slate" state. Whatever wrong things they may do throughout their life is always their parents' fault and never their own.

Parents traumatise their children by saying "no" to them. If you say "no" to your child, unless his life is in danger or he puts someone else's life in danger, then he later will need years of therapy to undo the harm. You should basically allow him to do whatever he wants.

When your small child is doing things like throwing the earth out of the flower pots together with plants or keeps eating dog food or displays any similar behaviour you shouldn't try to correct it. It's perfectly normal at his age and will traumatise him if you do. Instead, child-proof your home by getting rid of all these things.

Your child is financially dependent on you and it's unfair and unequal. Thus, you should buy him whatever he wants whenever he wants it, especially toys and other kinds of presents, otherwise he'll be traumatised for life and will need years of therapy.

If you ever raise your voice while speaking to your children...oh dear. Well, you get the point. I may have forgotten something but that basically sums her lecture up.

No wonder the family is so screwed nowadays...

Father's Day 2023

 Congratulations with Father's Day for all the fathers and would-be fathers!

I know it's one day early but we are going away for the weekend:)

Social Media Are Toxic

 This is tragic. Please watch what your children are doing:

A 13-year-old boy died after participating in a viral TikTok challenge that involved consuming large quantities of Benadryl, an over-the-counter allergy medication...

In an interview with ABC6, Justin Stevens, the father of 13-year-old Jacob Stevens from Ohio, revealed that his son had died six days after attempting the challenge, which involves consuming enough of the medication to induce hallucinations.

Stevens said the 13-year-old was placed on a ventilator when he was transported to the hospital, but died six days later, on what he described as “the worst day of his life”...

Jacob’s father said his son was at home with friends when he decided to try the dangerous social media challenge. As his friends filmed, the 13-year-old’s body started seizing.

It happened at home so the boy was probably alone with his friends, no parents present. I don't know the exact circumstances of this family, the article doesn't even mention the boy's mother, only his father and his aunt, so may be he didn't have one, but it highlights something I have been always trying to point out. 

Many women will stay home with their children when they are small, but go back to work once they are teenagers. And while every baby obviously needs his mother, it's not babies who organise drunken orgies and overdose on drugs while their parents work. The trend was already present in my time, it's only getting worse. Teenage years are dangerous years, and your children need you!

 

Is Narcissism Caused By Feminism?

 A serious question:

Maternal overvaluation was particularly correlated with grandiose narcissism. Paternal overvaluation, on the other hand, was associated with grandiose narcissism only when participants reported less caring, more lenient fathers. Greater caring from fathers accompanied by firmer limits appears to protect against the grandiosity-promoting influence of overvaluation from fathers.

Whereas paternal leniency was partially associated with grandiose narcissism, maternal leniency was associated with vulnerable narcissism. Vulnerable narcissism was also associated with maternal abuse and neglect.

Paternal abuse and neglect did not play a large role in this sample, beyond the protective effect of caring fathering in limiting grandiosity...

 

Parents, Please, Protect Your Children!

 

Happy Father's Day!

 

Father's Day Prayer

Let us praise those fathers who have striven to balance the demands of work, marriage, and children with an honest awareness of both joy and sacrifice. Let us praise those fathers who, lacking a good model for a father, have worked to become a good father.

Let us praise those fathers who by their own account were not always there for their children, but who continue to offer those children, now grown, their love and support. Let us pray for those fathers who have been wounded by the neglect and hostility of their children.

Let us praise those fathers who, despite divorce, have remained in their children's lives. Let us praise those fathers whose children are adopted, and whose love and support has offered healing.

Let us praise those fathers who, as stepfathers, freely choose the obligation of fatherhood and earned their step children's love and respect. Let us praise those fathers who have lost a child to death, and continue to hold the child in their heart.

Let us praise those men who have no children, but cherish the next generation as if they were their own.

Let us praise those men who have "fathered" us in their role as mentors and guides.

Let us praise those men who are about to become fathers; may they openly delight in their children.

And let us praise those fathers who have died, but live on in our memory and whose love continues to nurture us.

~ Kirk Loadman

Courtesy of this website

 

Let's Talk Working Mothers

 Because you really need this yuge house...

Psychotherapist Susan Gerhardt said, "What seems to be most crucial for the baby is the extent to which the parent or caregiver is emotionally available and present for him, to notice his signals and to regulate his states."

"The baby’s mother is primed to do these things for her baby by her own hormones, and is more likely to have the intense identification with the baby’s feelings that is needed, provided she has the inner resources to do so.

"Babies come into the world with the need for social interaction to help develop and organize their brains.

"If they don’t get enough empathetic, attuned attention – in other words, if they don’t have a parent who is interested and reacting positively to them – then important parts of their brain simply will not develop as well..."

According to Dr. Gordon Neufeld, the prefrontal cortex is not ready for integrative thinking and social interaction until between five to seven years of age...

As a result, children continue to need an emotionally available and present parent or caregiver until they are school age. This caregiver needs to understand the children's emotional cues and be able to support the integration process.

 Nine separate studies from Holland's Leiden University show that the more hours children spend outside their home, the more their stress and panic levels rise...

... the lack of close parent-child interaction creates long-term effects of depression, hyperactivity, suboptimal cognitive and language development, poorer-than-expected academic achievements, and different forms of mental health damage...

Leaving your baby in the care of other since age 2.5 months should constitute abandonment, unless the family are starving, and it would, in a just society which isn't obsessed with narcissism, egoism and material gains. 

It's interesting that when you do a search on the topic, Western newspapers try to minimalise the effect, unlike Israel News.