Saturday, March 19, 2016

No Authority Without Responsibility

There is something which a lot of people don't seem to understand: there is no authority without responsibility. The captain of the ship is also responsible for everything happening on board the ship. The one taking a decision is ultimately responsible for the consequences of this decision. Parents have authority over their minor children because they are financially and otherwise responsible for the children and their behaviour.

In the same manner, the husband can't truly be the head of the family if his wife is a co-breadwinner. He can't demand she obey him when she fully shares in the responsibility to provide, or even worse, when he stays home and she goes out to work. Oh she can humour him and treat him as one but it won't be anything more than LARPing.

Being the breadwinner gives a person a certain power, economic power, that's why feminists hate traditional family so much. It makes the woman a dependent. Any person who claims to be pro-traditional family and pro-male headship but expects and encourages married women to work is either very dishonest or very stupid or both.

As a man, you can't expect your wife to be an empowered career woman by day and then come home, change into a sexy outfit and become a little submissive Suzy Homemaker. You can't expect her to work the same amount of hours as yourself and then do all the housework. She can't be there for your children and at the office at the same time. And after long working hours she will be tired and less interested in sex, too.

At my blog, I'm trying to support traditional families and I'm generally operating on the principle that those who aren't against us are with us, but I'm getting quite suspicious of anyone who promotes male authority without stressing male responsibility. No taxation without representation, no authority without responsibility.


  1. Good post Sanne. I would add, two chiefs in one house doesn't work either. Someone has to lead. I've often felt sorry for men - working hard all day and coming home tired and then doing this day after day. I wouldn't trade.

  2. Thanks Marietta! I agree. Authority can be a heavy burden, I don't get it why women are so eager to share in it. And in Adam's curse, isn't our own bad enough?

  3. Authority is good for women. It is like a govt'. No one can clear all the streets on their own strength, it takes a team of people to clear snow off of streets. Now never the less, authority can be brutal if not double checked, but there are ways to redirect brutal authorities to do what is right.

  4. In a traditional setting the wife's family would always be there for her.

  5. Men have a gift for leading but they easily give it up in "favor" of their wives. Leading, as you said, implies taking responsibility. But if a man hesitates to lead, the wife should help him by encouraging him to initiate solutions, decisions and be the head of the family. Leading as a wife is not only a burden for herself but prevents the husband from leading properly in future. I agree about your idea that wives going out to work and trying to be the good housewife after long working hours outside the home is stupid. I have been noticing that we live in imperfect life circumstances and we have to do our best with what we havein our specific society. These principles about traditional family aspects are very important to rely on. It is difficult to achieve the perfect balance in a family.

  6. Housewife from FinlandMarch 21, 2016 at 4:15 AM

    I think about this every time a read something written by a member of MRM. They want to be so very "masculine" and they want their women feminine -but please, woman, remember to make your own money. They do not seem to understand, that a woman who makes her own money DOES NOT NEED MAN AT ALL. So she has very little interest in playing sexy homemaker, or letting the man "lead".

    I think that if men tried little bit harder to be real men, not some "lumbersexual" hipsters, it would be easier for women to be less feministic and more feminine. It seems to be that most men are nowadays nothing but overgrown boys, more interested in their looks than regular women.

  7. Housewife, yes, they keep ranting about feminism but something tells me they wouldn't like the real patriarchal society, either. No women in sexy outfits, sex outside marriage only with prostitutes, if you get a girl pregnant - no abortion, and you'll have to marry or deal with her family, marriages approved by the parents,divorce seriously restricted plus expensive (need to hire a lawyer, prove fault in court etc, only available to upper classes), life long alimony, full financial responsibility for the wife and all the children born in wedlock, often the responsibility to provide for unmarried female relatives including cousins once removed, not being able to marry into a decent family if not enough money/low origins etc etc. Sometimes I think the MRM idea of patriarchy is based on the Playboy version of the 1960s.

  8. Also, the idea that wifely obedience is absolute has no historical basis whatsoever. While the wife was under her husband's authority she was also viewed as her husband's social equal, so if the lord of the manor married a peasant girl, she'd become a fine lady. The wealthier classes married with a contract which defended the financial rights of the woman and her children and her family were there for her as well. Plus, there was a societal expectation for every man above the lowest classes to treat his wife decently. This attitude in the West predated Christianity, as in one Scandinavian saga the wife provoked her husband into slapping her, and their male slave who had witnessed it, killed the husband as revenge. Men were allowed certain freedoms (drinking, visiting whores) because their responsibilities were heavy, too. In fact, the real patriarchy, unlike the fantasy one, restricts the freedoms of men probably even more than it restricts the freedoms of women.

  9. Housewife from FinlandMarch 21, 2016 at 10:20 AM

    You are so right about both MRM patriarchy and historical patriarchy. People so often forget, that ok, maybe life of most women was miserable back in the old days, but so was everybody else's. Because poverty caused the misery, not patriarchy.

    Here in Finland we have old saying, that man may be the head of the household, but woman is the neck that turns the head. :)

  10. You are right, ladies, about patriarchy in the past. Even biblical patriarchy respected the rule: man pays for woman's mistakes because he should have taken care better for her wellbeing. In early Christian communities men were expected to give up every sinful priviledges they used to take advantage before being baptized. This is why in the early Christian Church men were educated to be honest within their legal marriage, because persecutions were harsh in a pagan society and there was little time left for repentance. It was a serious sin even for men or wives the same. But times have been changing and societies have slowly become very permissive with men as long as wives and kids were supported properly. Europe was now generally speaking Christian and civil laws respected only partially Christian principles. Nowadays women aren't protected at all due to feminism. Without any patriarchy we lost even the social order that ensured a balance for families during so many centuries.

  11. Housewife from FinlandMarch 22, 2016 at 2:29 AM

    By the way, at least here in Finland statstics say that women are the ones who take divorces more. What do you make of that?

    I my opinion, current system ncourages women (and men) to stay somewhat adolescent forever. When they marry, they do not settle with the marriage; they are all the time competing with other women in attractivness etc. And then they get bored with their spouse and divorce.

    Back in the old days married women used to cover their heads. I think it has been very good custom, since it gives the singal that the woman does not need to compete with other women anymore, since she is married. Now I am not saying married women should start wearing burkhas, but somehow it would make more sence to kind of give more room to the younger, unmarried women. But women just try to stay as sexy as possible even when they are far too old for that.

    I guess I am trying to say that since women cannot feel secure in their marriages, they are forced to "stay in the rivalry" of men's attention. And when they get that attention, they easily start thinking that hubby old does not give that attention anymore(since they never do), maybe this other man would be better...

    And people are even encouraged to flirt with other men than their spouse, because it is supposed to "spice up" your marriage. I can hardly understand that, I really do think that a married woman should behave differently than an unmarried one. She shouldn't be testing her allure all the time.

    I wonder if I am making any sense...

  12. Housewife from Finland, head covering for married women was a very old costume of the first centuries of Christian life that remained in my country till 20th century in rural areas especially. But due to muslim expansion this costume has been slowly rejected because it was associated with islam. In our tradition women keep praying at Church with covered head, married women especially, but in Greece for instance, women prefer not to because they have been very severely affected by the Ottoman occupation after Byzantium had been conquered 1453. My country has been under such occupation too but under milder conditions meaning Christian behaviour was somehow tollerated. We had to pay for this with huge taxes that were loaded on the occupied population: honey, gold, cereals. My ancestors prefered being poor than giving up their faith freedoms. I don't know if in future covering one's head will be associated with Christianity any longer. I don't think.

  13. There was a research in my country (unfortunately, I can't link to it)which proved that the longer hours the wife works, the more chance of divorce. Apparently, the husband started feeling neglected and the marital relationship fell apart. It proves once again, that married women staying home has nothing particularly to do with having children, but rather with the marriage bond itself. Wife used to be a profession and even women past child-bearing age who got married used to quit working.

    Further, the Netherlands was one of the first European countries to liberalise divorce laws in the late 19th century and yet, the % of divorces stayed low until the 1990s, when married women joined the workforce en masse.

    The reason is probably the fact that after being out of the workforce for many years, the wife will overlook quite a lot of things before she files. Again, something feminists really hate.

    On the head-coverings issue, here the traditional Reformed churches encourage wearing hats during the worship service.

  14. Housewife from FinlandMarch 22, 2016 at 4:37 AM

    I tried to google why women divorce. I learned that it is husbands fault...

  15. You are right, Sanne. Untill entering the workforce en masse, spouses kept their marriage bond very tight wives being at home wether childless or not. I saw a video last week about the sense of marriage. The essential goal of marriage is not bearing children but making a unity as husband and wife. I can state that children don't make a marriage better or worse, I had the time to experience that children don't change the spouses but they witness how strong or weak the marriage is where they are a guest. Children need a marriage to grow up into, the marriage shouln't need children to resist in time. A marriage is kept by husband being a real man and wife being a real woman in a complementary relationship with or without children. I stopped suffering for my infertility the day I realized we don't desperately need children to be happy.

  16. One thing I sure noticed is how open now women are to speak in public about their private lives with their husbands. It seems nothing is sacred. Nothing is private. I am shocked to hear girls and women ask each other what happened when they were dating/at home with their men. This is not right to do . It also leads to comparing and such and opens up thoughts that your marriage is not as good as another etc. Same goes for even so called Christian romance novels. Although they are tame by comparison they still present another view of others relationships. I had never thought of that till someone pointed it out. It could have been on this blog. :)
    Complaining about work, kids, the world and husbands is heard everywhere we go now a days it seems. Workers complaining about work hours or bosses right in front of customers. This I never heard years back. Now customers are ignored who the loud complaining is going on. I am sure their boss has some of his own complains about them too! Also even he has a boss to have to work under. Always comparing and complaining cause you might not have the perfect this or that. So many protesters anymore! Everyone wants to be heard and be important. This affects a marriage too. If we create a good bond with our own husbands and try to shut out a lot of the world's daily sorrows and relax it would make such a difference. I know I would not want the responsibility my husband undertakes. Knowing I am not responsible for his part of the marriage leaves me to comfortably do my own part. He reel's on me and I on him. There is one thing I want to add. For so long I used to think of a woman is a man's help meet. I did not understand that also meant that as his help meet we are to help him reach his full potential in what God wants him to do and be too. Not just to help him in daily chores in any way we can. That put a whole new perspective in my thinking. A light bulb moment that I should have realized years ago.
    Coming here so many times puts things in order in my mind and solidifies my stance. You are so right. More than ever children...ours or others, and other adults too, need desperately to see a moral example of what a marriage really should be like. To know that it is not all about them as an individual but about them as a couple. A solid bond. A sacred bond. It is not about competing to see who has this or that but to melt together and mesh to form a stronger bond. There were so many good comments here to this well written post! :) Thank you all for helping me grow and understand what is going on. Sarah

  17. You are welcome, Sarah! thanks for the kind words...