Modern liberals promote the following model of family formation for women: spend your twenties and early thirties studying and working on your career. Enjoy casual sex until the age of 35+. Find a perfect husband Mr Right. Marry and have 1-2 kids. Put them in day care and go back to work (at this point you are allowed to stay home though if you really wish to, but then you should be engaged in some art project or home business or writing books or whatever). If you are tired of your husband, you can divorce him and find a better guy, or better yet, become a cougar and revive the glorious days of your youth (getting some nasty STD in the process).
Conservatives didn't like the liberal script for women so they came up with their own: marry right out of high school, the first guy who comes along. Have children (preferably several, as it's your duty to your Fatherland). Stay with them until they are old enough to attend school. Go back to work - now it's time to study and have a career! Really conservative Christians suggest homeschooling, so that you can start working on your glorious career at the age of 45.
Have you noticed any similarities between the two scripts? They differ on casual sex and the best age for having children, but both liberals and conservatives expect women to work outside home for the most part of their lives, whether before having children or afterwards.
I suggest another plan: traditional family formation (you know the one which was actually widespread in the West before modern feminism): get some education enabling you to provide for yourself when needed and/or a couple of years of working experience. Marry at +/- 25 and choose a guy capable of supporting a family on his income only. Have kids. Don't work outside home, let your husband be the family breadwinner. When the children are old enough not to need constant supervision, try gardening or taking piano lessons. Enjoy your life.
Yep! I married at 24. I'm 32 now and still don't have kids though. I never worked, just part time last year and I didn't enjoy it.
ReplyDeleteWhat I find especially strange is that desire to utilise older women in the workforce. It's much easier to study when you are younger, and you also have much more energy. One would think that a 45+ lady who has raised her children deserves some peace and rest, but no, a feminist comes and tells her to find a job. Both conservatives and liberals seem to view children as a necessary evil, as soon as they are out of the way, back to work you go!
ReplyDeleteAlso conservatives often criticise older mothers, pointing out that in traditional countries women marry young and have children young, which is true, however they forget that in traditional culture women also often keep having children until well in their forties. It used not to be uncommon over here to have your last child at the age of 45, and nobody seemed to care.
ReplyDelete"Also conservatives often criticise older mothers, pointing out that in traditional countries women marry young and have children young, which is true, however they forget that in traditional culture women also often keep having children until well in their forties."
ReplyDeleteBetter to start producing children when young. It substantially reduces the risk of genetic problems overall as more children are born when eggs were younger. Perhaps the chemical changes ensure greater protection of genetics when starting young.
But certainly the statistics bear out the fact that the more advanced the maternal age the greater the prevalence of disorders of children that are born.
Likewise when marrying young you have more energy to handle your children. And when the nest is empty or your children grown you have the opportunities for careers or further learning. Rather than pursuing careers and increasing your risk of fertility when you are ready to have children
Many women still believe that fertility is something they can produce, control or make disappear whenever they want. Real life proves that the best age to become a mother is between 20-25, then the fertility slowly sinks. Well, had I married at the age of 18 I would now be a happy mother of several children. But how could I have met my husband? And anyway, how could I have convinced my parents to give me their blessing to marry after high-school and stop my study period at 18? They still reproach me that they made hard efforts for me to speak 4 languages (which I honestly start to forget) and that I don't use my education because I am a housewife and intend to take a job as a foster mother, which means to be a paid homemaker of several children. I intend to adopt the children afterwards if they become adoptable and don't come back to their natural families and retire later after I will have adopted the kids, should this job run badly or if the foster children don't get along with the adopted ones. I'm waiting for the approval of those in charge with foster care and I'm looking forward to the courses I'll have to participate in.
ReplyDeleteYes, that's what many people forgert about, that we don't live in a culture of arranged marriages and the husband doesn't magically fall into your lap when you turn 18! I know everything about parents, mine would have had a fit if I decided to marry at 18, without having a Uni diploma first.
DeleteIn one of my previous posts I linked to a blog which states that the average marriage age for women in England used to be 25 from 1200 till 1800 and they reproduced just fine. Also the studies the previous commenter mentioned are often used to scare women from having more kids. My friend was harassed for having a child number 5 at 38, Yet in the 1950s and the beginning of 1960s it was not uncommon here for women to have 9 and more. They married young and simply kept on having kids until their mid-to late 40s. This said, I nowhere stated that it was wise to delay marriage and childbirth intentionally until your forties,
A woman of 28 is still young enough to have healthy children, don't you agree? Most women won't go on having 10 kids, as in (some) Eastern countries. If a girl marries at 25, she will have enough time to get 3 or 4 kids. Most people have only 2, btw. If older women don't have enough energy for kids, they certainly don't have enough to start a career. I just don't understand this urge of recycling older women into the workforce. Why can't they just stay home and enjoy life???
ReplyDeleteThe point I was trying to make is that both conservatives and liberals seem to view having a career as something natural and desirable for women, As long as it's expected that a woman lives like a man, with taking a couple of years off for having kids, the birth rates will continue to plummet.
(This above was in response to commenter Standingagainsttheworld)
Delete@Sanne
DeleteIt becomes more and more dangerous as women age though as eggs become older the mutations increase and the subsequent ramifications affect all future descendants. It may be possible that they can work from home and raise their children when marrying young as possible like in the early 20s.
The proverbs 31 woman suggests such a possibility.
"I just don't understand this urge of recycling older women into the workforce. Why can't they just stay home and enjoy life???"
Don't know either. I don't think women realize how much of a privilege it is to stay at home to look after the kids.
Listen, Standing, my husband´s Granny married at 26 and went on to produce 7 healthy kids who all got married and had children, too, without any problem. It´s a myth that all women used to marry in their early 20s. One of my own Grannies married at 25 and had 2 healthy kids without any problems, either.
DeleteMy husband´s Granny was engaged for about 6 years and you know why they delayed marriage= It´wasn´t because she was a feminist but because they had no money to start a family. You see, in the 1930s it wasn´t usual for a married woman over here to work outside home, and her husband would be called a loser if she did, so many couples had firstto work and save, before they could afford to start a family.
26 isn´t too old to get married and isn´t too old to have children, either.
@Sanne
DeleteYou are correct. There may be mitigating circumstances. But it certainly doesn't change the statistics.
http://php.med.unsw.edu.au/embryology/index.php?title=Genetic_risk_maternal_age
When I am talking generalities it by definition excludes the exceptions.
As more women delayed the age of marriage due to choice. The rates of children with problems increase.
I grant that your anecdote is correct. However delayed marriage granted if you had a choice is a risk.
I wasn't aware that a woman getting married at 24 or 25 is bound to produce genetically inferior children, Standing. I wonder how the human race managed to survive in England where the average marriage age for women used to be 25 for about 600 years, from 1200 till 1800.
Deletehttp://isteve.blogspot.nl/2014/02/marriage-promotion-is-destructive-cargo.htm
Here is an excerpt:
It's important to remember that the social conditions of America in 1946-1964 were not some sort of universal Old Days, but a historic high point of affordable family formation, as shown by an extremely young age of first marriage for women.
What about Christians who don't believe in birth control? Should a woman get an abortion if she finds herself pregnant at the age of, say, 39?
Commenter from Romania was right when she said that fertility is something which we can't control. It's in God's hands. If you are a Christian, you should understand it.
By some reason the link I posted seems not to work, so I'm posting it again:
Deletehttp://isteve.blogspot.nl/2014/02/marriage-promotion-is-destructive-cargo.html
Alas, I think increasingly, even in conservative households, young women are being encouraged to follow the liberal script; I've seen it, in churches I've belonged to, sadly.
ReplyDeleteYou know, Will, it´s like marriage isn´t important any more. The girl is supposed to invest into career, and marriage will just happen at a certain time in the future, but it doesn´t work this way. If a girl wants to marry well, she should invest time and effort into it!
ReplyDeleteBTW, all this talking about intentionally delaying marriage is ridiculous when we talk about women in their mid-twenties. Contrary to what some guys think, a girl doesn't get hit with marriage proposals the moment she turns 18. Finding a husband can be quite difficult, especially in modern times, when men aren''t especially eager to tie the knot.
ReplyDeleteI'm not against early marriages and I'm not against laste marriages. Marriage is good at any age! I'm against trying to put people in boxes and come out with universal one-fit-all scheme. I'm also against following the suit of feminists in turning personal into political. When to get married and when to have children (and how many) is a personal desicion of two people. It's nobody else's business.
I can give you my opinion, though. A woman should marry when she finds a suitable husband, suitable doesn't mean wealthy, but the one who can provide for the family. A man should marry when he is able to support a family and finds a suitable woman. It's just that simple.
"laste" should be "late"
Delete@sanne
DeleteIt is interesting that in victorian times it is quite common for girls to be married at 14 years of age. But in our modern era such is illegal. What's your thoughts on that?
The age of the first marriage seemed to be quite low in Southern states (if I can rely upon Gone With the Wind narrative), but not among Northern Europeans, if we believe the statistics on the averages. Don't you think yourself that 14 is a bit too early?
ReplyDeleteI think girls at that age can be quite responsible given the chance. Considering we infantilize males and females at that age through the social construct of adolescence.
Deletehttp://www.amazon.com/The-Case-Against-Adolescence-Rediscovering/dp/188495670X
And considering the fact that there seems not be a problem in biblical times with age of marriage set at 12 for females and 13 for males.
I'd say it is not immoral. But you do have a point.
Link
Deletehttp://www.gospelgazette.com/gazette/2005/may/page20.htm
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteStanding, we don't live in ancient Israel, and we don't live under OT laws either. Have you ever talked with an average 12 year old girl? Most of them are still children in mind and body, do you seriously propose they should get married? The same goes for boys. The age of consent in my country is 16 and I won't have people advocating illegal activities on my site, that's also why I deleted your link. Please choose another place to advocate for child marriage. Your further comments on this topic will be deleted so consider yourself officially warned. This discussion is now closed.
ReplyDelete