Thursday, March 26, 2015

How To Be Pleasing To Your Husband

It used to be that simply being a wife, a married woman was considered a job in itself, even without children present or with grown children, but not now any more. There is nothing more shocking to the mind of a feminist as the idea that it's the wife's job to make her husband happy, or to be generally pleasing to men. They react to it in the same manner as the vampire reacts to garlic. So in the light of the national "Offend A Feminist" week I'm presenting you with this article.

There are certain things which men usually find pleasing. They like a neat, well-organised household where meals are nutritious, smell nice and are served more or less on time. Keep your husband well fed and he won't waste family money by eating at a restaurant, as some do. While preparing the meals, keep in mind that men can have different taste in food than women.

As Mrs Andelin points out in The Fascinating Girl men like such things as "beef stew, roast beef and potatoes, fried chicken and biscuits, crisp green salads and apple pie with ice cream." They also like "homemade bread, rolls and muffins" and any food with "a savory aroma" such as "chicken soup, homemade bread and cinnamon rolls." They usually don't like "casseroles, wieners, cold cuts and prepared foods". (F.G., p. 105)

Men like women who keep their figure even after childbirth, have long hair and dress and behave femininely. They like their wives to be careful with money, to economise and to be good financial managers, but at the same time, to be reasonably well-dressed (nobody really likes slobs and it's a low class behaviour, too).

As we have already established on this blog, they don't really enjoy picking up housework and they generally resent honey-to-do-lists (really, what can be more emasculating than being bossed around by your wife as some sort of domestic help. If you really can't cope with housekeeping, ask him to hire you one, most men are open to the proposition if the finances aren't very tight).

Men like some romance in the bedroom, so try to find a reason to wear this nice lingerie set he bought you several years ago, and arrange for the bedroom to look inviting. In general, the man likes to be treated like the King of his castle. He likes it when he comes home from work and you meet him with a cup of coffee, looking fresh and cheerful (there is a lot to be said for the custom of taking a bath/shower and changing for dinner).

Now you are going to ask me why you should be doing all these things. The reason is twofold: first you owe it to your husband, second, you owe it to yourself. If you have a traditional marriage, your husband is likely out there working more than an average amount of hours to provide. Since he makes a living, it's your duty to make his life worth living (and to keep him from straying, too).

You owe it to yourself, because he may be the king, but you are his queen. A well-bred, high status woman won't have a messy home and won't look and behave like a slob. It's a matter of self-respect to look refined and dignified and not to allow your dwelling place to turn into a pigsty. Plus, excercising and eating well will keep you healthy and go a long way to preserve your looks (at least, partially), into your forties and fifties.

It's also a matter of character, because more often than not, it's laziness that keeps many women from achieving their goals. Be a domestic goddess and your husband will treat you like one, and that is the point:)


  1. Housewife from FinlandMarch 26, 2015 at 7:51 AM

    And it is also very important to "read" your husband and not just assume that "all men like this and that". For example that nice lingerie doesn't "work" with all men. :)

    When your hubby likes something that you really don't or vice versa, that is the time when things get interesting. I for example have one skirt that is so, so comfy. I love it and wear it all the time. But I know that my hubby dislikes it. He usually has no opinion on my clothes but this one is clear. So what am I to do? I know I should throw this skirt away anyway because it is shabby and too hippie for me, but the comfort!

    But now I have to go to make some delicious and healthy dinner. ;)

  2. Notice that I said "that lingerie set he bought you" so it was obviously according to his taste. Now men may differ in their tastes, but still it's possible to generalise to a degree.

    In a good marriage, there is always place for a compromise. For instance, you can alternate wearing a comfy skirt your husband dislikes with something that he really likes. For instance, my husband hates long dresses/skirts. I have a couple of them which I like (I happen to like long dresses in general) which I wear sometimes, not to provoke him:)

  3. BTW, isn't it a bit early for dinner?

  4. Housewife from FinlandMarch 26, 2015 at 9:02 AM

    We eat dinner usually between 5-6 pm. Here in Finland people usually eat rather early; lunchtime is often at 11 am so hubby will be very hungry when he comes home.

    I agree that it is possible to generalise to a degree. I was just myself so surprised when I realized that all men are not the same. :) So I just thought to point it out, in case someone else is that silly, too.

    My hubby doesn't really like long dresses either, but I have one he likes because of the colour. I think that is very good compromise.

  5. Sure, men have their preferences, too, that why I didn't got into detail. It's impossible to cover everything in one short blog post. What I'm trying to do is to defend and promote middle class values as in writing from the point of view of a stereotypical middle class housewife, the way I was taught. I'm aiming for the average:)

    11 a.m is way too early for lunch, we eat ours at 12 and later.

  6. *sigh* All the bad things you described is me. All the good things you have said is what I want to be.

  7. Quite a post! I like the home to be gezellig and neat. Long hair on older women? Doesn't usually suit anymore. My husband loves sharing his work problems and plans with me - he just wants my input. I love that you put in that women can keep their looks into their forties and fifties - I'm 60!

  8. Ladies, I'd like to stress that I'm not an ideal wife, either. There is still much work to do in this department:)

    Marietta, my Granny who is nearly 91, until very recently used to have long hair, like really long (longer than mine) and used to be quite proud of it. She usually braided it and put it up. There are also nice shorter styles for older women which are still quite feminine. I didn't mean to say that a lady in her sixties can't look nice.


    The link above is to a Pinterest board of older women with gray and mostly long hair. I agree that hair usually gets thinner when a woman gets older, but it doesn't mean her hair have to look like a chicken's rear :-)

  10. Miriam, thanks for the interesting link!

  11. Miriam, I looked up that link.Thank you - some had beautiful hair. My hairdresser puts a few grey streaks in mine. (I'm hurrying it along.) There is something wonderful about a man coming home to his haven, where he can relax.

  12. The one thing I have always remembered about my great-grandmother (who died when I was about ten) was her hair. Even at the end of her life when she was dying she always had it in a very long braid down her back.

    My mother always said short hair makes women look younger but I think it just looks terrible. My mother has grown her hair out in recent years and looks much younger and prettier, even in middle age, with shoulder length (or almost shoulder length) hair than short hair.

    Myself, I never cut my hair. I never trim it either. If you get "split ends" they will heal you don't have to cut them. I don't even dye my hair anymore really and leave it its natural dark blonde color. I think my hair is as long as it will get though at waist length so I just leave it alone. It's easy to braid or put back in a bun to do housework.

  13. In some ways it seems odd to have to teach women how they should behave and dress. I am glad you are though. We just grew up with examples of doing this and followed suit I guess! :) I have heard many feminist- taught girls say all men are the same. Why....don't they think? Women are all different so why aren't men? Also they are not us. Their bodies and minds are made different by God who knew what he... HE was doing!! All our older relative had long hair till the day they died. Some wearing buns or pretty curled curled buns or rolled at the neck when working or their hair just down. It was very pretty. My grandmother's hair thinned as she got older so she made a 'rat' as they used to call them of her own hair into a hair net. It was probably 5-6" long and rolled. Then wound her loose hair round it at the base of her neck as many women did. Even the beautiful actress Loretta Young did this as her hair thinned but used her's differently.
    For the lady with the skirt she likes but her hubby does not..Why not wear it at home then change when he comes home? I learned from my women relatives to always check your appearance when your husband is due home. We can get disarrayed when working and might need to tidy up a bit at least. They had a mirror inside the kitchen cupboard door and glanced at it if they got caught and did not have time to recomb it and tidy up. This gave them a look and they had time to pin up loose hairs and pinch their cheeks for blush and such! Even my 80 year old aunt did that. If they could they bathed and changed out of their 'house dresses' into a fresh starched one too. You know how a bath and change refreshes you and gets some of the tiredness our of your body. You are doing this for him and yourself.
    I love being a women and it is life I embrace. I am my husband's women and just like we represent our God when we are out and about so we represent our husband and family too to others. We should present a good appearance to all. In word, appearance and actions. Our husbands are our other half and we share the good and the bad but are different from each other..thus we attracted each other. :) I feel great making a 'nest' for our family and being a part of their lives. Sanne I too have a long way to go but I am enjoying the journey and love the trip!! You are always an inspiration and a good mentor for us all! I am almost 70 and you can still teach me as you teach any one! :-) Sarah

  14. Dear Sarah, thank you for your comment and I'm glad I am an inspiration:) Men are all different and yet in some things the same, they like to get their wives'''attention and to be treated as if they matter. They don't like to be reduced to a walking ATM and a honey-to-do list, to be "rewarded" once a month for a good performance. I think Mrs Andelin does in great job in her book "Fascinating Womanhood" while discussing how to treat your husband. And then we can learn from history and from old books.

    You are very right that our husbands are our other half. Since the wife shares in her husband's status and social position, her behaviour, her appearance, her home all reflect on him, good or bad. It's especially important if the husband has a position of responsibility, trying to make a career etc.

  15. About once a year I reread my copy of Fascinating Womanhood. Yes it is no doubt men want our attention. How would we like it if they only watched sports or stayed out with their friends and made us think we were second best ! :-) How do you act that you would not like them to act? Yes many older books show a different world..a better one many times ..than we see around us now. There is much to learn and we must be humble enough to admit we are wrong at times and ask forgiveness. I do not think of marriage as a 50/ 50 thing. You give where and when it is needed even if at times you seem to give all. It even out over time. I am so thankful I have a wonderful husband. Sarah

  16. Sarah, in the times past women were taught that once they got married, marriage was their career. Now people are treating marriage as a hobby at best, as a nuisance at worst.

  17. Housewife from FinlandMarch 30, 2015 at 3:14 AM

    I must be an idiot. It have never leaped to my mind that I could change before my hubby comes home. That is really strange because when I was working outside home, I always changed my clothes immediately I came home. So why not when I stop my housework? Thank you Sarah for pointing that out. Now I recall that Sanne has also written about that matter earlier, but somehow I just didn't get it... Weird.

    About older ladies with longer hair: I thinki longer hair is more flattering than short one. I now many women tell how they used to love their grandma's long hair and yet they cut their own short the second they hit 40.

    My mother has very thin hair and she wears it longish, she is 67 now. It looks nice to me, and there is so much more alternatives what to do with your hair.

    What I find most difficult in this being a good wife -thing is trying to be interested when your hubby talks about boats, cars and chainsaws. :)

  18. Changing for dinner used to be a tradition in "better circles". Why, I own a trashy English novel written in the 1980s where they still did1

    My husband talks about cars, jet fighters and automatic weapons, and I tell him about my knitting:)

  19. He talks about boats as well, but I'm afraid he isn't interested in chainsaws as of yet. It may come though:)



    Any thoughts?

  22. Looks like more people are getting interested in femininity than one would think.

  23. Housewife from FinlandApril 1, 2015 at 5:58 AM

    I am sorry to see how stereotypical ideas those people Miriam linked have about femininity. And it is ridiculous to say that ALL women are more feminine when they are skinnier; studies show that most important thing to men is hip/waist -ratio, and that usually doesn't really change that much when woman gains or looses weight. (if we talk about normal weight vs. overweight.) Studies also show that it is more healthy to be little bit overweight than yoyo all the time. Since studies also show that most people gain weight back after loosing it (yoyo), as long as BMI is under 30, people just should focus on not gaining more weight.

    We also should remember that men often like women who eat. Nobody likes women who are on constant diet.

    DISCLAIMER: maybe this is one of those cultural differences, but here in Finland quite a many men seem to like their women rather voluptuous - it is only those shallow yuppies who "demand" skinny woman. Propably because most men understand that you should never trust a skinny cook... You get fed better if your woman likes eating, too. ;)

  24. Housewife from FinlandApril 1, 2015 at 6:04 AM

    I am really sorry I wrote in such an angry tone, it is of course not Sanne's fault or Miriam's if some blog irritates me. I am just so frustrated since I want to be more feminine but all the "tutorials" I find seem to be so "american"; they have nothing to offer to outdoorish finnish gal who hates perfumes... I feel feminine inside and my behavior towards my husband is that, but I assume my apperiance to other is not and that bothers me, hence the frustration and anger. Very feminine. ;)

  25. I'm quite busy this week so I'll admit I had but a cursory look at the blogs linked.
    Healthy BMI is considered one under 25, everything above is overweight and above 30 obese. Obviously as a woman gets older her weight will more often than not change, while skinny isn't always better I must point out that being overweight/obese leads to all sorts of health problems and even premature death due to such sicknesses as diabetes type II, cancer, heart disease etc.

  26. Housewife from Finland, thank you for your honest comment :-)

    I was trying to find some new blogs/sites concerning femininity, and those 2 caught my eye first. I was frustrated too, I found them extremely obsessed in exterior. I thought it was written for someone who is looking for a relationship ie trying to get attention. And I think it was overly simplified.

    But, as I read comments, I realized that it has some truth. It seemed that those with feministic mindset couldn't understand why on earth THEY should do something first, and they said men are so simple creaures that they need someone to admire them before they could function properly. I couldn't understand their reasoning - - usually people act kindly if you act kindly, if you smile you are smiled at, too, and there is no difference if you are dealing with women, men or children. Suddenly it isn't relevant in more intimate relationships, in feministic opinion. To me, it was a moment of shame, being of the same gender...

    I think being feminine has very little to do with your weight. It is not a good thing to talk about your losing/gaining weight in general, nor is pretending to be full after eating a pea and one leaf of rucola. I think it is about taking care of yourself, having a good poise, enjoying life, being diciplined and looking at mirror (literally and figuratively speaking) a couple times a day (not the other way around: looking away of mirror a couple times a day)

    Anyhow, I wish you all blessed and restful Holidays!

  27. Thanks, Miriam, and the same to you! (I think you are having them now?)

  28. Housewife from FinlandApril 2, 2015 at 4:39 AM

    Sanne, latest studies show that morbidity is smallest if older women are little bit overweight; BMI 25-30. When BMI is over 30, morbidity starts growing. And again, since most people cannot keep off the weight they loose and yoyo-dieting is extremely unhealthy, it is better to focus on not gaining more and living healthy in the weight one is. Stress is also very, very, very unhealthy and many ladies take far too much stress about dieting.

    Miriam: I also tried to google about femininity, but found nothing but disappointments. If it is not superficial, it is new age... You know, connect with your wild woman etc. I assume I have to find my own way, then. Propably focusing on something else than me would make a good start. :)

    Happy Easter, ladies.


    These and all other sources I could find all state the same, healthy BMI range is from 18.5 to 25, it's official information, however, as it's pointed out in the link above, some people may be in 25-30 range and not have excessive body fatness and that it's also only one factor relating to risk for disease.