Tuesday, November 7, 2023

How To Be A Good Christian Housewife

 It's actually very easy. To be a good Christian housewife, you need 2 things only. A breadwinner husband  and you staying home doing housekeeping.

A disclaimer: I'm not writing this post to criticise other people's choices, but rather to support those women who want to stay home but feel overwhelmed by different things pushed on the internet as a requirement while they are clearly an option. Let's not be like pharisees teaching as doctrine the commandments of men. Some of these things aren't even in the Bible but are simply typical for some (American) Christian subcultures which makes it even more difficult for European women to relate.

This said, to stay home you don't need the permission or agreement of your parents/parents-in-law or other family. Your husband is the head of your household, not his mother, or yours for this matter. 

You don't need to have a certain amount of children. You can have 1 child, 3, 10 or none. While the Scriptures call children a blessing there is never a fixed number mentioned. Sarah, a very godly woman who is an example for the believers had none for the most part of her marriage. They also don't have to be of a certain age (young, pre-schoolers etc). They can be all adults and live on their own and you can still be a homemaker.

You don't need to birth them in a certain way. There are those who push home birth as the "only godly option" or will tell you that a C-section is somehow sinful. It's not only nonsense, it's downright irresponsible to give such advice online. The same is true about epidural/natural, induction etc. Those are health decisions which are between the woman and her doctor and disregarding medical advice in such a case can lead to very serious consequences, including death of your baby. Please keep it in mind.

Once the child is born, the new mother is burdened with even more advice from well-wishers. Cloth diapers, co-sleeping, breastfeeding on demand till a certain age. To vaccinate or not. Of course, there is nothing wrong with many of these things, but they are personal choices, not religious dogma. Instead of always turning to the internet, why not asking your mother? This is something with which she can help, seeing that she raised you and you turned out fine:)

Another thing that you don't need to do to stay home is home school. Home schooling is typically American. It's not widespread in other countries, some countries such as Germany downright forbid it. Does it mean that a German woman can never be a housewife? Homeschooling is a valid choice, but again, it is a choice. You also don't need to have a home business. Once again, it's personal. It's not commanded anywhere in the New Testament, it's (imo) a legalistic demand based on the certain interpretation of the Proverbs 31, which, btw, is in the OT.

You don't need to dress in a certain way. The Bible talks about modest and distinctly feminine clothes, but doesn't tell you to wear only dark colours, for instance, like some churches do. You don't need to follow a certain diet. You can be a vegetarian or a carnivore, or whatever, it's your personal preference. You don't need to live on a farm/from subsistence farming because "all cities are sinful". Your husband doesn't have to be self-employed. You can send your son to college/university (whether it's a good choice for a daughter is another debate) without sinning. 

I could go on and on but I hope you get my point. We have freedom in Christ. Some things are clear commands, like "Thou shalt not commit adultery". Others are up for discussion. You don't have to live a Little House on the Prairie lifestyle like some Christians would tell you, but, of course, you are free to do it if both you and your husband like it.


  1. A very nice and sensible post on your part, though I'd still like to repeal women's suffrage.

    That's one of my amusements about American Christians. They whine the most about public schools and such, but won't use their monstrous worship facilities to homeschool or setup a network among themselves to do so. I have no problem with them doing this.

    Though America is losing it's freedoms, it's amazing to me what Europeans put up with from their government. I must be from a different genetic stock to descend from my Czech ancestors who took that boat ride from hell in the late 19th century to get here to the US.

  2. Thanks:) Suffrage is a political issue, and I was writing more about lifestyle. That is, you don't have to live a certain lifestyle, though, of course you can.

    Europe isn't one single country (yet? I hope it never will!) so everyone is different. But, in general, people are more integrated into broad society and less inclined/have less possibility to isolate themselves somewhere in the middle of nowhere, the way (some) Americans like to.

  3. Texan, I have noticed that many americans struggle to understand that Europe is TINY continent, with over 40 countries which all have their own language. From Iceland, population 250 000, to Germany, population what? 80 milllions? And of course Vatican and other lilliput states. Even in europian union, there are 27 members and most of them have their own language, own culture, own lifestyle. It is nothing like US and its states. Absolutely nothing. America is the great melting pot, but every Europian country still has it's own identity and own ways.

    The biggest modern lie is that there is some "West" and "Western values". Only thing that used to bond europians was Christian Faith, and when we flushed that down the toilet, we have left much more dividing things than things that connect us.

    When it comes to Sanne's actual topic, I agree. It seems to me that feminists and christians agree at least in one thing: if lady does not have small children, or no children at all, she should work, otherwise she is lazy. Having several small children at home is the only "excuse" to stay at home, because they kind of prove you are not lazy. Now sloth is concidered mortal sin and Bible does courage people to be diligent and work with our hands. But we should also remember, what Jesus said to Martha in the story of Mary and Martha... Jesus himself approved woman focusing on spiritual life over domestic tasks...

  4. One of the best things an woman can do is listen to her husband and largely ignore Christian housewife lifestyle influencers. They are poison and we Americans are the masters of excess. If a little is good, then a whole lot must be great! Which sends you off the cliff.

    I actually thank God for a strong man who is unapologetic about what he wants in a wife and what he doesn't. A lot of his views contradict the uber trads, so I learned the "eat the meat, spit out the bones" approach to them a long time ago. But I'm also a middle aged woman. Young wives should tune them out, honestly, until they are secure enough in their wifehood to know what's valuable and what's harmful to their particular families.

  5. Elspeth, I think it's a natural reaction to extreme liberalism under which we live. Many women are so tired of this "anything goes" that they are searching for strict rules and someone to tell them what to do. Most husbands don't care enough nowadays to (micro) manage their wives. they could care less what sort of clothes she wears or which kind of diapers she uses. But some of these rules pushed are rather burdensome (not everybody wants to wash diapers when there are disposables) or can even be detrimental (like the stuff about childbirth). And here most women wouldn't be able to live like Laura Ingalls even if they wanted to.

    1. Hey, Sanne.

      For the record, I wasn't referring to micromanagement, but rather simply being unafraid to voice a clear preference on the things that matter to a husband. Large swaths of how our daily life is executed is at my discretion and my husband doesn't question it, because he trusts my judgement. However, there are two or three things that he does care about, and expects affirmative changes (if needed) when he articulates his preferences in those areas.

      Most American wives have come to the conclusion that there is very little their husbands should request of them or correct them on if they want to do something different. And that often includes decisions on some of these supposed requirements of a good trad Christian wife. Wives know best, and all that. Some think they need to be liberated from restraint because "love me as I am" and others think that their husbands aren't "trad" enough so they are going to forge ahead because it's more holy, and for the good of the family. I believe that every family's practical logistical needs should be tweaked according to that family and the husband's vision for that family. If that means the wife has activities outside the home, then so be it. If not, then so be it.

      For example, I teach a couple of classes at a Christian hybrid school twice a week. I earn a few bucks. If I quit tomorrow, our family wouldn't miss a meal or anything else. I am paid a pittance, but I am very passionate about the subject I teach and I believe that whole generations of Americans have been damaged by the wholesale ignorance of history, republican principles, and economics. And so, even though the parents aren't paying me much, I do it. My husband wholeheartedly supports and agrees with my use of knowledge, time and talents in this way. It is -literally- 10 hours a week (4 hours teaching, 6 hours grading and prep).

      I spent 20+ years at home full time and our youngest is 15, but a certain segment of the Christian trad sect would say earning any money at all is usurping. Another sect would say that my husband's preference that I wear a certain type of clothing is oppressive.

      This is a long comment, but it seemed what I said was lost in translation as I was trying to be succinct. Hope this is more explanatory.

    2. I don't think it's wrong to have outside hobbies or earn a bit of money. I just don't think it's a requirement, like some Proverbs 31 folks teach. You see, my point is there is a lot of support for the wives who work, even part-time. There is very little support for those who just want to be at home and enjoy, so to say. Even Utube housewives videos, are they really housewives? They constantly push products to sell and earn quite a bit with ads. The main focus of modern society is making money. If someone has a hobby and is passionate about it, what she will hear is, "you need to make a business out of it." Why? Not everybody is in dire need of money. Not everything can be measured in dollars and cents.

    3. I agree 100% with all of what you said there, :) . Even among Christians, much of the emphasis on the Proverbs 31 wife is just materialism wrapped in a cloak of religious jargon.

    4. BTW, husbands sure have preferences, but they were taught to never voice them, because oppression. Several years ago there was radio program where the presenter said he likes girls in dresses. The next thing happened, he got lots of phone calls from other men complaining that all women look so masculine and how much they'd appreciate if their wives and girlfriends starting wearing skirts.

      I thought by myself, guys you do need to man up. Instead of b8tching on the radio, for Pete's sake go tell it to your wife. Women are so easy to manipulate, just tell her those jeans make her fat, lol:)

    5. Thank you Sanne and Elspeth, interesting conversation.
      One variant of proverbs 31 woman is that woman is the one who controls family money. Makes end meet, does budgeting and taxes. Sometimes it seems to me these ladies feel they need to earn their right to stay at home by being thrifty even when it is not necessary. And also it is just to make them feel important.

      In my marriage, my husband takes care of all the financies. I have my own money, of course, for clothes and such, but he makes sure there is enough money for groceries etc. We adopted this when I read Laura Doyle's "surrendered wife". She is not trad or christian, but rather wise woman on this one subject.

      I never knew how much I stressed about money, before I was released of this burden. My husband, on the other hand, doesn't stress at all. It actually seems we have MORE money now than what we used to have. And I was trying to be trifty with all my heart, and now I do not.

      Almost like God really provides in very concrete way, if you follow his will and submit to your husband.

      I also think financial submission might be the hardest part for modern women brainwashed by feminism. That is why so many tradcons want to be Proverbs 31 woman. They want to be in charge of family finances. But how traditional that is in the end?

    6. Yes, it's nearly always about money. Prov 31 is all nice and stuff but we don't live under OT any more. The NT nowhere instructs married women to earn their own money, though some undoubtedly did. I''ll try to write more on this topic but it's dinner time now.

  6. Blanka, I agree with you hence this blog:) The only Christians who are different are "uber trads," but they often promote the whole package, like you need to home birth, home school, home business etc which isn't possible for everyone.

    1. Yes, uber trads are reaalllly into "running home business because proverbs 31" sort of thinking. So really, not that trad at all.

      Personally I am uber trad in different way: I am a middle class married woman. Since middle class was born, women of that class did not work, married or not.

      Women working wasn't that popular in the past at all: of course they were supposed to keep their hands busy with embroidery and such, but everyone, absolutely everone stopped working when income was high enough. Including domestic work and taking care of your own children.

      That, of course, applies on middle and upper classes. Poor women worked hard both at home and outside the home (That's where the maids came). But since I cam tradcon middle class lady, why in earth I should live like a poor women used to?

      This is what feminism gave us: middle class women are almost forced to live like poor women and be greatful of it. Greatful for being "allowed" to work!

      I know Wrath is also a mortal sin, but must confess I absolutely hatehatehate feminism. And Proverbs 31 women.

    2. I mean, they shoot as all to leg. If one can say so in English? Harm all women, I mean. Men were taking care of everything and they did it well.

      What was wrong with early feminists? Hungry por power or what?

  7. Blanka, I think my country is somewhat unique in this respect since in the past the government did their best to ensure that even poor women could stay home, hence the laws prohibiting married women from employment outside home (though I think Ireland had a similar law, too). The difference between the poor and middle class was that poor girls worked before marriage, while middle class girls never did.

    BTW, in Germanic culture long ago a free man's reputation depended on how well he could support his wife. Free women never worked in the fields, only serfs did. Luckily we don't have serfdom or slavery any more, so why work outside home if not absolutely necessary?

    As for early feminists, it's a long story and may be one, which is even not suitable for this blog. I'll look if I can find some links.

    P.S. agree about Prov 31:)

  8. P.S. About home businesses. Woman as a small business owner is a trope promoted in the MSM by magazines catering to women such as interior decorating, gardening magazines etc. That alone should be suspicious since modern media is the opposite of trad. Women who are featured in those stories nearly always fall into 2 categories. Those with a wealthy husband who sponsors his wife's expensive hobby (they seldom really make money on it) or the lady works close to full time in her own shop, because it's the only way to succeed.

    I mean have you ever met a successful businessman who only works a couple of hours per week? the men I know who are company owners are day and night at work and often Sundays, too.

    1. I had this conversation with my daughter, who is an excellent cook, Makes her own recipes, etc. She had a blog, and IG, all the things, but could never really spend time on it because between her real job and her church obligations (we are heavily involved with our church members besides just on Sunday), she couldn't put up content on a regular basis. She never really expressed a desire to get a book deal or anything, but she did wonder how so many other food bloggers/IG ladies were able to accomplish it (there were a slew of them getting book deals 5 or 6 years back).

      I explained to her that most of them had husbands who housed, fed, and clothed them, freeing them up to spend time cooking and taking pics at noon when the sun is highest in the sky, LOL. There's a trick to good food photography and the time of day is a huuuge part of it.

      So they still need patriarchy (even a twisted version) to win, :)

  9. This. And some are just business projects with content creators, ghost writers, professional photography etc. Others are wealthy women who employ domestic staff to do things for them while they pursue their other interests.

  10. I agree most entrepreneur women seem to have well-earning husband who pays all the bills. In my country, we had sort of a boom of women crowing cut flowers on field and selling them. Some of them actually claim to make their living with it, but it so happens, they are ALL married to some sort of IT-wizards -who payed for the house, and the field.

    Flower shops and cosmetic shops used to be another expensive hobby for ladies who wanted their own business when I was a kid. Every small village had their own.

  11. Is it still normal to be a housewife in Spain?