Friday, July 26, 2019

Would You Do It?

Would you marry a guy 30 years your senior?

Chelsea believes she was destined to be with an older man as she finds younger boys her age 'immature.

'I find boys my age so immature and with Bruce, it was easy, we are both car enthusiasts and have a love for travelling and animals,' explained Chelsea. 
'It has been two years and we have not argued once; we are in sync and our communication is nothing like I have ever experienced before.' 
She added: 'My family are very open-minded and they haven't got a problem with us, but it is people in the street or our town who stare and make comments.'

I don't know if this particular lady is a homemaker, but marrying an older, financially stable man could be a solution for those young women who would like to be housewives. He doesn't need to be in his fifties, tho:) By mid-thirties, most men are pretty well established in life and if not...then avoid them like a plague, unless you wish to be the primary breadwinner of the family.

 And btw, I'm not encouraging gold-digging here. A man doesn't need to be filthy rich, just work a good job and own a decent house. Since he already has a mortgage in his own name, and most women claim to work for a mortgage, you can quit right after wedding, that is if you don't think you are owed a villa in a nice neighbourhood or at least, a semi-detached and your income is needed to facilitate the move. 

BTW, speaking about women and tattoos...a guy will overlook a lot to be with a young pretty girl in her prime:) That's just a fact.


  1. Housewife OutdoorsJuly 26, 2019 at 4:08 AM

    Our president has a wife 30 years younger. I think it is disgusting, she is my age, the president is a year younger than my father. President's children from his first marriage are the same age his current wife is. But he is widowed and she was over 30 when they married, so there is nothing wrong that way. They even have one child. And she claims she is "an old soul". She certainly looks like that.

    I would say 15 years age different would be my maximum. After that, you are not same generation anymore. And since women usually live longer, much older husband would die way too soon. On the other hand, it would be beneficial to be always "young and pretty" comapred to your husband.

    BTW why women live longer but age faster? It makes no sense.

  2. Yes, I've heard about him. There is a right-wing Pole in the EU parliament who is in his seventies as well, and has several children with his 30 something wife. I wouldn't call it disgusting, when the husband dies, the wife can remarry again.

    Women live longer on average only in the West, btw. It prob has to do with dangerous jobs still performed by men while dying in childbirth has pretty much become a thing of the past, and self-destructing lifestyle (drug and alcohol abuse, bad eating habits etc). My husband's grandpa lived till 96 and was only sick for 10 days before he died, while his wife died in her seventies from diabetes.

    In the past, when the wives weren't supposed to work, many men from a modest background couldn't afford to marry young so such marriages (with big age difference) weren't at all uncommon. The idea that you have to marry your high school sweetheart was really popularised by (American) baby boomers, I think. Such marriages were more "equal" but it's also when the wives started working more and more. Because when you both marry at 19, the chance is, there will be the lack of resources and more need for the 2nd income.

    But I agree that 30 years is prob too much a difference. 5-15 years is better. If the girl is like 22-24 and aims for the guy in his early thirties, he should be pretty much established and mature by this age.

  3. 30 years sounds like a lot, and I'm relatively friendly toward May-December romances.

    My father was 22 years older than my stepmother (my mother was deceased), and they had a good, 35 years marriage. She was definitely an old soul. Fortunately, my dad was in very good health for most of that time.

    Like your grandpa-in-law, my dad had a 2-week illness that came on rather suddenly, and he passed on. He was 84. That was 3 years ago, and she still works (mainly to stay occupied) and is in good health. She is probably looking at 20 years of widowhood, which could be hard.

    Because of that experience, I am not opposed to age gap marriages, but the cultural gap between the generations today is in some ways huge (educational/financial) and in other ways not so far apart (similar tastes in popular culture).

    The biggest things a woman needs to be prepared for are, I think, sexual incompatibility as the man gets older. Although they have pills for that now I guess, and being ready to resort to being a caregiver/nurse for a season as her husband gets older.

    The chances of those happening are pretty good with a 30-year gap no matter how fit the guy is at 50. But a maximum 15-year gap sounds about right to me as well.

  4. Interesting story, Elspeth, thanks for sharing! As for the issues you raise, from what I've read, 25% of the men at the age of 75 have erectile dysfunction. This means that 75% don't:) If the wife is say 20 years younger, she'll be 55 and her libido will probably diminish as well. Widowhood isn't much fun, but the lady can always remarry. Also, my own granny did marry her high school sweetheart who was 1 year older. He died at 56, she lived till 92. You simply never know...She didn't remarry, btw.

  5. I have the impression women usually "survive" widowhood better than men. Aren't there studies that show marriage makes men live longer and healthier, but not women? So long widowhood is not so bad for women.

    I had a great-aunt, who married during the WWII and got one child. Her young husband died in the war, and she never remarried -and she lived till 90. She was widowed like 70 years... And my grandmother was widowed at her 50's(granfather died in accident) and she never remarried either. She said she enjoyed being alone.

  6. Families of the past weren't so much built on romance as now, methinks. Women got married to be provided for and to have legitimate kids. If the widowed lady had kids and an income, and especially, if she were older, like my Granny, there was no reason for her to get remarried at all,in fact, it was even considered slightly scandalous. Because marriage meant s*x and a woman of 55 with grand-kids was supposed to be above such things.

    My other Granny, btw was left a widow at 36 with three kids and an officer's wife pension. She never remarried, either. Also never worked a day in her life as she got married at 17.

  7. My Grandmother-in-law lived as a widow for the last 30 years of her life, and she was happy spending time with her kids and grandkids, which involved a lot of travel as they were scattered around the U.S. She had fun.

    My FIL lived for 23 years after his wife died and never remarried either. It was often hard on him, but even though he was in is mid 50s when my MIL died, he didn't think anyone could fill her shoes, so he stayed single.

    You're right, Sanne, that we have a much more romantic view of marriage today. I suspect it is my romanticized perspective that leads me to think long widowhood would be hard even though I've seen examples to the contrary.

    A woman who can happily and freely marry a much older man in this culture with its youth cult worship is probably a pretty confident woman to begin with and knows what she is getting into.

  8. Well, we live in the times of plenty so can afford to be sentimental:) In the 1920s and 30s, poor widows in my country were to be supported by their menfolks (per law, because mothers didn't work) and many men resented it so the woman was pushed to marry the 1st suitable candidate which came along, which happened to one of my husband's great-grandmothers.

    It wasn't uncommon in many countries to pair off a young girl with an older man who had a good income. My great-grandmother was left an orphan during WWI and her aunt who took care of her, forced her to marry an older man with a stable job. (She could be forgiven because she had 6 of her own to raise).

    In those times people, even middle class ones, were often more occupied with how to feed their kids than with romance. Romance was for upper class, they could afford it:)

    Also a widower with kids was forced to marry too because he needed a wife to keep house and take care of the kids, sometimes even to an older woman, (again, happened in the family). They were simply much more pragmatic than we are, because their life was so hard.

  9. All this said, personally I dread being left a widow. I think it's horrible and would never judge anyone who remarried. It's just that marrying a guy your age isn't always the recipe for living long and happily ever after, especially in this day of easy divorce.

  10. Post Alley CrackpotAugust 5, 2019 at 7:38 PM

    May-November happens fairly often in my family: there's a rather infamous gent in the family tree who married someone thirty-five years younger than him when he was fifty-eight, and he actually outlived her.

    I'm in my fifties.

    My most recent girlfriend was twenty-three.

    It clicked, but then it didn't.

    I'm a global traveller, setting down roots for a few years only to find something more interesting.

    She wanted to set down tap-roots in the place where I am presently because it's more or less all she knows, and she wasn't going to budge.

    So while it was fun, it was better for us both if she'd move along to someone who could help her get what she really wanted.

    But I can speak to this kind of thing a bit more though: "... personally I dread being left a widow".

    Most of the men in my family die in their late eighties to late nineties, and so I still have a lot of miles left on the clock, so to speak, barring accidents and incurable health conditions.

    It's entirely possible that someone I marry who is younger will make it to sixty before I stop punching the clock, but what does that leave her?

    Ready to marry someone she knew in an earlier life, of course, and there's probably someone like that still around.

    She comes out of the earlier marriage with enough resources to be able to continue whatever life she wants, and she also has kids to help her out.

    Think about it: if I'm gone, she'd be an idiot not to, and I'm not in the habit of being around idiots.

    Two of my sisters were into older guys -- twenty-eight years difference in one case, twenty-six years in another. Their sons are worth millions of pounds, so it worked out for them.

    Also there's this bit of research that shows that women who have kids with older men have a better chance of winding up with smarter kids ...

    Those millions of pounds weren't all inherited, BTW.

    I think the way to look at it is that there's considerable reason to dread being left a widow without options, and so practical-mindedness would demand keeping those options open as well as lines of communication to people you've known.

    I suppose there's one like that for me as well, but with a different kind of dread: I have stereotypically English teeth, and she's a dentist. :-)

  11. Not everything can be reduced to financial options. When I said that I dread being left a widow I meant companionship. Decent men are scarce and Christians don't have that many options since we aren't allowed to sleep around but are supposed to marry first.

    I have noticed that a woman marrying someone many years her senior is more typical for Brits than for Americans. I wonder what's a reason for that.

  12. Post Alley CrackpotAugust 7, 2019 at 12:20 AM

    "Not everything can be reduced to financial options ..."

    Not every woman can be satisfied with only one marriage.

    There are women who are completely accepting of age differences because they don't expect they'll actually have just the one marriage.

    So I don't think it's only a financial calculation, but of course that's the most pragmatic. Still, there's also a sense of relief for some guys that they don't have to carry the full financial weight.

    "I have noticed that a woman marrying someone many years her senior is more typical for Brits than for Americans ..."

    The twenty-three year old was an American, BTW.

    It's unsurprising because I'm residing in America now, although there are definitely times when I'd really like to get back to the South West of England ...

    Also, the Austin Powers jokes never truly seem to get old here ... but maybe that's just the accent. :-)

  13. Depends on the woman I guess and the sort of marriage she had. For some, there is really no upgrade. A widow with a decent income and a nice inheritance risks much by the 2nd marriage and would be wise only to marry with a good contract defending her financial rights and these of her kids.

    All this hardly matters for a working woman since she won't get any widowhood pension, I guess. (And if she inherited nothing of value.)

    Being a British guy in the USA must really help with dating, doesn't it?