Thursday, February 4, 2021

The Problem With Modern Western Marriage

 Why they suck fail.

We are moving together, if it works out, we'll get married, if not, we just separate.

Ever heard that one? Apart from it being a) sin, and b) a low class behaviour, from a purely pragmatical point of view, this approach is setting one up for failure. Why take such a drastic change (which often involves buying a new house together, a serious investment) when you aren't even certain "it will work" ? This attitude is prevalent in marriage too, "if it doesn't work out, we'll just divorce". 

You know what? Most couples who have been married for a long time have had their share of problems, sometimes serious. They stayed together because they were determined that whatever happens, it will work out in the end. They made a commitment to making things work out. It didn't just happen by a coincidence.

This brings me to my next point. People nowadays, both men and women, but especially Western women, are terribly entitled. They are the center of the universe. They only deserve the best. They can't except anything less than perfection from their spouse/partner. If a problem arises, it's obviously never them who is at fault, they just should find someone better and more suitable. Just read an average discussion board where women congregate. One will start talking about her husband and all the rest will join and tell her: "honey, you deserve better than this loser!"

Here is the funny thing, though. If you chose "that loser" it's probably because there were no princes lining up, so that's exactly what you deserve. The chance that you'll get anything better as a middle-aged, divorced woman with kids isn't really very big. It's even easier for older folks because after a certain age you'll deal with widows/widowers, not another divorced person with a baggage. 

The same goes for men, btw. Unless you are wealthy, you won't get "a nubile young woman" or whatever nonsense you read on some PUA site, but just a worse version of your own wife, plus kids of some other guy to take care of. I've seen it happen in real life, too. Divorce game only works for either very young people or those of the upper class who have more possibilities, not for the common folks.

And then there is something else. Westerners are extremely competitive. It's always "more, bigger, better" with us. Few people are just happy with what they have. Take the vid I posted previously. The lady gets lots of comments from British, French and American women who all tell her how they love what she is doing. Many of the same women just go to work the next day, often full time or close to it. They'll tell you they need money. Are we really poorer than Koreans? I don't think so.

What I noticed is that the Korean lady lives in a quite small apartment. Most of them do, even those with kids and seem content. While here in the West, families are getting smaller but the houses bigger. 

There are other Eastern women on Utube, some from Muslim countries, some from India. I even watched some African TV lately. All these ladies seem to be very husband- and family- oriented, so to say. They are pleased to create a cosy environment for their loved ones. While with Western women, it's often all about themselves, even with homemakers. It's her beautiful house, it's her successful children, she is the star of her show and the husband exists as an after thought. This way of thinking is a recipe for disaster.

Most countries in the world allow divorce. Yet in Hindu India, divorces are like 2% of all the marriages while in the supposedly Christian countries it's close to 50%. OK, our governments are secular, but many people still claim the name of Christ. Are we really in a position to send missionaries anywhere? 

I wonder.


  1. "This brings me to my next point. People nowadays, both men and women, but especially Western women, are terribly entitled. They are the center of the universe. They only deserve the best. They can't except anything less than perfection from their spouse/partner."

    This is a problem that comes before marriage itself.
    It's even more evident when one notices that too many (American) women are more interested in the wedding than the marriage.

  2. It all started with boomers who were taught from birth that they have rights but no responsibilities, and every consequent generation is only getting worse.

    As for weddings, people are turning them into a freak show nowadays, with slide demonstrations about their childhood and scripted dialogues about housework, like in theatre. That's what happens when formerly poor people get access to cheap credit:)

  3. "Divorce game only works for either very young people or those of the upper class who have more possibilities, not for the common folks."

    Oh, you have no idea how deep this rabbit hole goes.

    In Florida there's something called the Baker Act which is a legal regime under which people can be sent into forced psychiatry.

    While this may be used to deal with genuine cases where someone's self-harming or being legitimately dangerous to other people, usually what it's used for is as a blunt force object in family disputes.

    Generally in Florida, the first person in a family situation who gets another under the control of the Baker Act wins by default.

    The part of the population that does this more frequently than not is the upper class as you've described it, and I've seen it happen among people I know.

    Because of the forced psychiatry legal ruling making it difficult for a defence, it's often easier to get a more favourable outcome for the person who initiated the Baker Act proceedings.

    But while it's somewhat easier for the well-connected guy on the golfing green to get his doctor friend to write up a Baker Act evaluation, that kind of thing has been trickling down, and so it's more common.

    "We are moving together, if it works out, we'll get married, if not, we just separate."

    This in America is a way of using a pretext as a pry bar toward establishing "common law marriage".

    Make it seem like there's going to be a temporary arrangement, but under the legal codes of several states, co-habitation of a year or more may constitute common law marriage.

    Florida has some protections against this that will keep you from losing your house and your personal property because of legal shysterism and chicanery in this regard.

    That's considerably less common in Socialist states such as New York and California.

  4. I guess I live in a boring country where such things don't happen:)

    But I didn't mean the division of property anyway. What I meant is that unless you have youth or wealth on your side, you likely won't get a better choice of partners after your divorce. In fact, you will probably do worse.

    An average middle aged man or woman won't trade up, they will likely trade down but they are often too stupid to understand it, blinded by their sense of entitlement.

  5. Much truth here, but I see the churches as the biggest problem by refusing to acknowledge the women not living up to their end of the deal. As a late 40's male, I'd be more than happy with an FWB situation since few women are the worth effort. Women also love to play man when it benefits them, but won't keep a husband at home even though they want to go compete for those same jobs in STEM or other areas. Most women also vote stupidly for more immigration, higher taxes, and more government which leads me to believe women's suffrage was a mistake.

  6. Churches over here used to preach against mothers working even 15 years ago. I personally read an article by a preacher stating that the father is meant to be a provider, and even 1 day a week working for the mother is a sin. Yet, now, they say it's OK to work for the mortgage! And that's more or less trad communities, you can imagine how it is in prog denominations.

    Yes, our churches failed us.

    As for voting, while I'm not a fan of the universal's a mistake to think that only lefties are pro-immigration, as the so-called right-wing parties are even more so. The border stays open whoever is in power. While the left sees new voters, the right sees lower wages, more mortgages sold etc.

    1. No doubt both parties are awful on immigration for us here in the US, so voting right has been about a zero guarantee of anything good happening that would benefit a working family. I figured out after my first job in engineering about 20 years ago that 1/3 of my income before and after my check disappeared and it was probably more like close to 50% if I could count the taxes in my rent in other things that I bought.

      I'm more of an agnostic, but the Christians have been MIA for a long time now when it comes to quality people in office or doing much of anything.

  7. Here we have like 15 parties (I think) who all form coalitions with each other, but whichever coalition it is, it always stays the same. Even people far from politics start noticing it now. A couple of real opposition parties (or so they present themselves) are nearly always shut out by the consent of the others, because not liberal enough or something.

    As for religion. Sometimes I think many Europeans never really converted. Deep inside they stayed heathen and that's what they reverted to after secularisation. Some countries like Poland are an exception, of course. Now compare them with Muslims. Their governments are often just as secular, but the common folks nearly always want more Islam.

    So my conclusion is that while our problem is spiritual, it's deeper than just poor church leadership. We as people accept modernity, with some exceptions.