Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Marriage Is A Real Thing

I found a very interesting article which in a rather sophisticated way argues about what I have felt for a very long time: namely, that marriage is something which exists on its own, like a thing or a being and to dissolve it is akin to committing a murder. Personally I have always thought about marriage as an institution, but I like the author's comparisons. As I'm getting older, I find myself rather agreeing with the Catholic point of view that a marriage can't be dissolved, only annulled.

The way most people, even those calling themselves Christians view marriage nowadays, treating it as something disposable at a whim of either spouse is downright scandalous, imo. I've read an article recently about a woman in UK who had left her husband and children for her African lover. People in comments wrote how she was a horrible mother but hardly a word about her betraying her husband. They even stated they could understand it!

The traditional Christian point of view is that the relationship between the husband and the wife is primary and more important than that of parents and children, after all, the kids will grow older and leave, but you are supposed to stay with your spouse till Death do us part! That's why the man wasn't allowed to divorce his wife if she couldn't have children or couldn't produce a male heir for the family. By allowing easy divorce we sacrificed the high position of a Christian wife for that of a concubine who could be kicked out for any reason. Of course, the same is true about women divorcing their husbands left and right and remarrying, something which Christian Bible calls adultery.

I'm not talking about really hard cases here and speaking of policy I'd allow divorce for certain transgressions, yet my point stands: marriage is the first institution divinely ordained and the way we treat it will bring judgement on our whole society.


  1. True. There are "tribal ways of life" that are non-monogoamous but a person needs to look deeper into the hurt and pain that results when people are not truthful with their partner.....

  2. You know there is a Turkish TV series The Magnificent Century which shows what polygamy brings. A young Sultan has his favourite concubine and a heir but suddenly meets a beautiful and ambitious slave girl. The two women become bitter rivals, the strife goes on for years with both women using any weapon they can, dragging others into it and ruining their life with the second woman finally managing to get the Sultan's eldest son executed on fake treason charges so that her own son could rule. That kinda illustrates my point.

  3. I am interested to know exactly what do you mean by bringing judgement on our whole society.

    You know, some people say certain sexual sins cause earth quakes.

    Don't get me wrong! I mean if you already have a 'cause and effect pattern' in your mind I'd like to hear. Or is it something not so specific, like waiting something bad to happen, what would it be? A terror attack? A war? If so how about the people working behind these phenomenons? Are they doing God's job? Is God using them?

    Oh wait, you didn't mention God's judgement, just judgement. Do you mean WE bring some kind of havoc on ourselves by acting irresponsible way, not God? Cause and effect?

  4. Women were idiots when they thought these modern divorce laws would set them free.

    Quite the opposite. We may be "free" from unpleasant husband but we are slaves of market economy. We are forced to compete with each other forever. When divorces where rare and hard to get, women could age gracefully, because once you were married, there was no need to compete with each other. But nowadays it seems to me that most women feel compelled to compete with 20-something girls forever. Madonna is great example of this.

    Back in the old days married women used to cover their heads with veil (or scarf or cap or whatever). They were still allowed to dress prettily. :) I think it was nice way to underline the fact that she was out of the competition, because she already won. ;)

  5. Miriam, I'm not sure I really believe it works in a linear manner, like some guy divorced his wife (or vice versa) and next day we get a terror attack. However, I'm convinced that one of the things which made Euro civilisation so advanced were our marriage laws, since enforced monogamy by its very nature, makes for a more stable society with reduced strive and competition (see Housewife's post below), and traditional roles force men to achieve their best to be able to afford a family. I think I can safely claim that our society is deteriorating, women forced to compete with each other for men's attention, men and women fighting for the jobs, positive discrimination giving jobs to less capable candidates, young men more slothful and less inclined to protect and provide etc etc. It's a very complex phenomenon.

    Also, I think it works both ways, God will judge us plus we bring natural consequences on ourselves like those I described above.

    1. 'strive' should be 'strife', 'below' = 'above'. Also let's not forget how the children suffer during divorce and that abuse by stepparents is quite common.

    2. Thank you, Sanne, for answering to me with patience. I think I know now what you mean :-)