Tuesday, December 30, 2014

How Female Employment Skews Female Choices

Men nowadays are forever complaining about women choosing irresponsible guys as their romantic partners and even fathers of their children, which is, at least, partly true. They are trying to explain this phenomenon by female biology which apparently forces women to become attracted to the unemployed alcoholic jerks and violent abusive criminals while avoiding a respectable if boring accountant.

Just like in the case of same sex attraction, science hasn't yet managed to locate the gene responsible for female choices so the biological explanation of women choosing losers is still a theory, not a fact. Biology certainly predisposes people to value certain traits in their mates, but strangely, until recently women didn't appear to be chasing the dregs of society in order to procreate with them. Could it be that the reason for this irrational behaviour is socialising, not biology?

I have at home a collection of ladies' magazines from the 1930s, which feature tons of romantic stories. In one of them, a beginning author has been in love with a girl for several years, but waits with proposal until he can provide her with the same material comforts she had in her father's house. Generally, the stories push the idea of marrying your social equal and the responsibility of the husband to provide. In another story, a man refuses to work to support his family and he is shamed by another man into working.

Now when we switch to modern so-called social romance (as distinct from the fantasy romantic stories about princesses, pirates and medieval knights) we often will encounter a situation when a heroine engages in "missionary dating", rescues a bad boy by her feminine charms, gets involved with her social inferior against her family wishes (think of the movie Titanic) etc etc. This sort of behaviour is often portrayed as heroic, after all, she is fighting against prejudice! What can be more noble???

On the other hand, women nowadays are pretty much expected to work and earn their own income, especially in North America. It's less so in my neck of woods, where most married women still choose to work part-time, thus they pay more attention to the prospective husband's income and social status. However, when the woman is fully economically self~sufficient and expects to stay so throughout her whole married life, naturally, she isn´t much bothered about her future husband´s career prospects. Of course, she may change her mind when the children come, but then it´s usually too late.

If a woman is trying to make a responsible choice though and hence is interested in the man´s status and income, she is more often than not lambasted as a gold~digger. D*mned if you do, d*mned if you don´t.

The point I´m trying to make is that nobody can be two things at the same time. A woman can´t be simultaneously a strong independent career womyn and a sweet submissive Suzy homemaker. Right now the society, including the government, expects all adult women to have a job outside home. The skewed female choices are one of the results.


  1. Christians haven't been very strong in this area. When women didn't stay home when they had children the inflation rate went up, materialism went up, expectations became unrealistic, women and men became stressed much more often, children were given much more than they needed because of guilt, elderly parents didn't get the support they needed, church attendance dropped, we became a disposable society - not too much good came from women working.

  2. GDP grew because of inflation and other factors, and that's the only thing which matters, apparently.

  3. Though now I have written it I wonder if it really did, since men nowadays on average, work shorter hours. The motivation of progressives probably goes deeper than that. Feminism is just a part of their struggle for complete equality and utopian one world government.

  4. Greetings from Finland!

    I found your blog couple of weeks ago and I have really enjoyed reading it. I have read lots of similar blogs, but they are mostly american. So it is lovely to read a fellow europian lady blogging about homemaking. You can probably guess how it is like to be childfree housewife in Finland... "luckily" I have some health issues so people kind of understand but not very well. Here in Finland it is supposed to be every womans greatest desire to make a carrieer. Oh well, I was also fooled to that once.

    But it is silly, isn't, that Finland's unemployment rate is approximately 10 % and yet it is so wrong to be housewife -or even stay-at-home-mom.

    I would like to ask, if you could concider writing a post about how rather unfeminine woman can become more feminine. I do wear mostly skirts at home, but my body-build is rather manly. Big shoulders etc. (though my derriere is also relatively big, which my husband appriciates.) The problem is that I really don't like "feminine staff", ruffles, pastel colours, jewels and make up. Last one is easy because my hubby doesn't really like makeup or polished nails etc. My hair is long,but I like to keep it on simple braid or ponytail. I like collar shirts (from ladys department) and hate high heels -which is good because I couldn't were them anyway. I also like rahter plain style.

    I know that sounded like I am not very co-operative but maybe you still have some adwices for me? I have tried adding some silk scarfs to my wardrobe for a start...

    Anyway, thank you so much for your wonderful blog. And sorry about my grammar and spelling -I am not, of course, native english speaker.

    - Housewife from Finland (sorry not to use my real name)

  5. Oh, I just noticed that no anonymous comments. I apologize, but Idon't have google account or anything like that.

    - Housewife from Finland

  6. Housewife from Finland, you satisfy the requirement of no anonymous comments, as long as you sign your comments with any form of handle and don't sockpuppet.

    You are right, most of homemaking blogs are American! those ladies are doing a great job, but I agree it's nice to have fellow Europeans around:) Here in Holland we are tolerated, I guess, to a certain degree, so it's probably better than in Finland.

    As for feminine appearance, it does deserve a post of its own, I'll try to write about it soon.

    You are welcome, never mind the grammar! my English is also getting worse by the day:)

  7. I am very glad that I can keep on commenting your blog. :)

    I thought a lot about this being-more-feminine -matter yesterday evening. I think I must have misunderstood something. I started thinking about my both grandmothers. I am quite sure, that nobody would never ever have described them "manly". And yet they both were very strong women, farmer's wifes, and used to hard work. Neither of them were make up or jewellery (the latter was only worn in parties.) They wore dresses and skirts mostly, of course, but the colours were usually rather dark - they were that generation who concidered it inappropriate for elderly women to dress in light colours.

    So I guess behaviour is the key word here? I know it is propably obvious to everyone else but here in Finland people usually do not behave very well. Women with most feminine attire can swear, yell on their children or husbands or behave very aggressively. My grandmothers would have never done that.

    I wonder, if feminism has thought us to be more aggressive and that is eating our femininity? When I was still working I often felt that I must be so very strong, tough and even aggressive. Just to cope, you know. I felt forced to protect and defend myself at all times.

    Now, when I am at home, I feel more secure and I can be "softer". I have noticed that my husband seems happier because I no longer feel that I have to control everything - I used to be rather bossy at home, too, I am afraid.

    So I have been focusing too much on my "manly" outside. If I can let my inside be more feminine, and my manner, I assume the outside will follow.

    Of course I would still love to read your ideas about how to make your looks more feminine. :) Ladies magazines are for no use, all they want you to wear is jeans and leggins.

    - Housewife from Finland

  8. Housewife from Finland, it's true ladies' clothes used to be dark, as it was considered indecent to draw attention to oneself in the streets. I read articles in old books to this point. They were distinctly feminine, however, because men didn't wear skirts (and still generally don't do it in the West).

    Also, at least, here in Europe, there was a class distinction. Women and girls from poor families sometimes had to work hard and dressed and behaved more like men. For instance, in UK in the 19th century there was a real problem with women working in the mines alongside with men, which ultimately led to the government conducting and investigation and forbidding it. I though I had written about it on my blog, but couldn't find the reference.

    Since one can't be everything to all men, on my blog I'm trying to promote middle class standards of behaviour, since that is how I was raised. Plus, nobody is so poor nowadays as they used to be and most people could afford to live according to it.

    I''ll try to write a post about this topic as soon as the holidays are over. Cheers and a Happy New Year!

  9. Housewife from Finland,

    feminine appearance has to do with hormones and feminine education and behavior too. For instance I live a very feminine life, but I suffer from serious disorders and therefore I take medication to keep my hormones levels steady. I have noticed that taking omega 3 oils and some other supplements better my skin and fat levels. Good fats are very important for our estrogene levels. Our daily activities have a great influence too. I know several teachers who suffer from diabetes due to stress at school. Insuline is very important and it can cause serious trouble if it rises too high in our bodies: high androgenes like testosterone are a cause of a weak metabolism including the digestion of carbohydrates and their conversion into fats. A normal level of sugar in our body can ensure a good immune system and a feminine appearance too.

  10. Housewife from Finland,

    jos haluat keskustella aiheesta suomeksi (vaikka anonyymisti) niin lähetä viesti :-)