Monday, November 9, 2015

The Sacredness Of The Marriage Bond

Heaven knows, I've done my fair share promoting the marriage of convenience which in Dutch is called the marriage of understanding (as in using your brain while choosing the future marriage partner) however, I'd like to stress that in Western Christian tradition marriage has always been considered something more than a mere trade deal.

When you say, "I do", you create something  which has been considered very special from the time immemorial: what God hath brought together let no man put asunder. You create a new family which originally consists of the husband and the wife and later (hopefully) of their children, too. The Scriptures speak highly about marriage and point out that the relationship between the spouses is more important even than the ties between grown up children and their parents:

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (Quoted from here)

Nowadays this very basic family unit is under assault from all directions. While many Christians get upset about the acceptance of alternative family arrangements like SSM, they often conveniently forget to mention the scourge of easy, no-fault divorce and its wide acceptance both in church and society.

While I think that divorce should not be entirely prohibited, it should be, in my opinion, restricted to certain extreme cases, fault should be proven in court and the other spouse should be able to contest it. As of now, the one who wants a divorce will always get it and the only reason people go to court is when they are fighting about custody and property division.

Divorce is the ultimate betrayal. It tears families apart and creates misery and poverty. Divorce is also oath-breaking, especially if the couple were married in church. For better for worse, till death do us part, becomes for better or never or simply until I get bored and can move on. I'd like to point out that our Germanic ancestors even in pre-Christian times considered oath-breaking one of the most despicable crimes, worthy of torments of Hell. (More on this topic here)

Marriage bond is meant to be the source of comfort for the couple, so when the life gets tough, they can support each other, instead of choosing an easy way out. No-fault divorce creates a situation when spouses start distrusting each other and even suspecting the worst, especially if someone in their circle of family and friends recently got divorced.

It's often especially devastating for the homemaker, who is left without means and forced to search for a job, which can be quite challenging if one spent years at home. Women have always competed with other women for resources which they primarily got through men. Even in our progressive times, most women still rely on their husbands' paychecks to make ends meet and easy divorce takes away any security they can have in their marriage. I'm convinced that no-fault divorce is the greatest threat to the traditional family which exists nowadays.

The other way the marriage bond is attacked is subtle and less obvious but nevertheless, it's a direct assault on the husband's position within the family. Gone are the days when the man was the king of his castle and his wife bore him children. In those days she used to be a housewife/homemaker nowadays, if she stays home at all, she is a stay-at-home mom or a queen bee. It's all about her and her children and the husband exists to function as an ATM and give her foot massages.

Childless couples are often denigrated and the idea that a woman whose children are grown should stay home for the sake of her husband is ridiculed or never even mentioned at all. In fact, I personally know someone who was once told by a church lady that she had no family since it was only her husband and herself at the time. The fact is that your husband is your family, he will stay with you after the children have left home and he doesn't like to feel that the only thing you need him for is his paycheck.

I know that some folks on the right are very cynical about the whole concept of romantic love, and I myself criticised it on this blog and pointed out that "love" alone  was an insufficient reason to get married, and yet, the concept of finding your Prince Charming, falling madly in love and living happily ever after persists in Western culture, the only culture in the world which enforced strict monogamy and thus raised the wife to the equal social standing with her husband and created the notion of marriage being more than just a business deal between familes and an instrument of getting a legal heir.

You may call it emancipation, I call it degeneration


  1. When we pledge our marriage vows; it's not conditional on happiness. We've made a vow for better or worse; though how many people really take that seriously? Many people think that when they walk away from a marriage, they walk away from their problems. Their problems follow them. When our husbands feel that they are the king of their own castles, when children honour and respect their parents, etc. life is a lot more pleasant at home. TV has often portrayed the father as a baboon who is not too bright. Mom and the kids are often poking fun at him. This has done a lot of damage. It's time to eat and pray together, talk together and know that we're in this marriage for good!

  2. Housewife from FinlandNovember 10, 2015 at 5:12 AM

    I could not agree more.

    I think that for some reason, people do not respect their spouses anymore. It is beyond my understanding why people marry someone they do not respect. (or live with someone without marriage). It makes absolutely no sense.

    In my opinion, respect is the keyword when talking about "mariage de raison". Love is very important and nice, but sometimes we are annoyed and really cannot remember why we love our spouse. That is why we should be able to respect him at all times. And that respect-thing contains everything else that one must concider before getting married: you cannot respect a man who does not make his own living. you can hardly respect a man who has no education for a profession. (that education can be reached by work at home, like it usually happens when man is a farmer.) You cannot respect a man who cannot take care of himself. etc.

    Yeah, I have very firm belief on respect. ;)

    But what would be respectable woman in modern society? What do you ladies think?

  3. Housewife from FinlandNovember 10, 2015 at 5:16 AM

    I ask your views about respectable woman since I have noticed that my idea is highly "colored" by feminism. If I think about respectable woman, first thing that pops to my mind is: "She has to be able to earn her own living". My brain seems to be in most disturbing state of double thinking...

  4. Housewife, man's honour is courage, woman's honour is chastity. I'll write more later, have no time right now

  5. Marietta, watching TV is like being put on a poison drip. It's actually getting worse as it's currently pumping propaganda on nearly all channels close to 24 hours a day. Cooking and car programs can be fun, though.

  6. Housewife, here is more to your question:

    "That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,

    To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed."

    And for men: "But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel."

    I don't think these qualities are time-bound.

  7. Good post. I read here fairly often and have tried to comment before but haven't been able to for some reason. We'll see if this one makes it through...

    ~Lady Virtue

  8. Lady Virtue, must be Blogger acting up.

  9. I'll put my hand up and admit to marrying purely and only for love. For the romantic feelings I felt towards my husband. And now, over 20 years later, I still have these feelings for my husband, and my love for him grows stronger every day. We have a strong and loving marriage. Maybe it is the romantic in me, but I would never advise my daughter to marry someone she didn't have a strong chemistry with. It has been one of my greatest joys in life, to be married to a man who makes my heart beat faster.

  10. But, I guess I should also add, that my husband is a very responsible, kind, strong and loving man. He ticks all the boxes of what a husband should be; the chemistry is what makes us work as a couple, and enjoy everyday life.

  11. Oh, I think it's OK to fall in love, as soon as you fall in love with someone suitable:)

  12. Housewife from FinlandNovember 11, 2015 at 4:55 AM

    I agree with Sanne. :) I was -and am- very much in love with my husband. But I would have never, ever been able to love a man I cannot trust and respect. I really cannot understand how so many women claim that they "love" men who are drunks and beat them. Men who have nothing good in them. How could men like that be loved? People far too often confuse love and lust. Though I can hardly understand how any woman could lust after a man who is not worthy of her and who does not meet her standards. I know I could not.

    About honour: So feminist have told us that we have to forget traditional feminine virtues and adopt those of men? It sounds very bad deal to me...

    Need I say that here in Finland virtues are not discussed in at all. Not even in churches. Expect turn-the-other-cheek and love-thy-neighbor - our priest want us to believe that those verses mean that we should allow uncontrolled immigration and build mosques with goverments money...

    But that was not very discreet, was it? ;)

  13. Housewife, some like it hot:) There are several theories as to why women choose unworthy men. Theory n1: they see them as alpha as opposed to nice soft-spoken "beta boys". Theory n2: there is a masochist impulse in female sex drive, some women are more susceptible to it than others. Theory n3: going out with a loser makes a woman feel so much better about herself. Theory n4: some women like to be victims (probably the same as n2) You may choose any of these explanations or invent your own:) There are probably all right to a certain degree.

  14. Considering virtues, I'd say feminists, at least of the modern variety, are more about adopting men's vices. As for the churches, don't let me started...I guess Charles Martel would be excommunicated these days. Anyway, I covered this topic a couple of months ago.

  15. Sanne

    Good Post!

    No Fault Divorce is the greatest of social evils without a doubt!

    Mark Moncrieff
    Upon Hope Blog - A Traditional Conservative Future

  16. Mark, yes, my thoughts exactly!

  17. Agree completely.

    People tend to over-emphasize children today, which is another way of de-emphasizing loyalty and fidelity between the spouses. Not that children aren't important, but marriage is ultimately about the man and woman in the marital bond, and children, if any result, come afterwards in importance. I hate when someone thinks of herself as a mom or himself as a dad, first, rather than as a wife or husband firstly, then also a mom or dad.

  18. I married for love but for other reasons as well. I'll be honest I saw my husband came from a big family and I saw he could give me all the things I needed. I also sensed a bit of a "sexist" in him and was never interested in any of the losers I saw around me. So I did marry for love and still love but material means and stability are also reasons why I married and have stayed in the marriage. Even if I still loved I probably would have left if it wasn't for the security and support. It's more than his financial support but also that he takes care of me. My husband is my first priority. Sometimes I feel guilty about not spending enough time with our child because I'm so focused on my husband but she is still loved and has everything she needs and I know that I have to make my husband first priority and in the end it is better for the children as well. Besides, after a certain age children don't want for their parents to make them number one anyways! I won't lie sometimes I want to leave but this is my home and I'm safe and taken care of here. Nobody understands me like my husband and I know I still run to him for everything I need. I think life experience and watching the destruction of our parents' marriages has taught that divorce isn't going to make things better. Yeah, sometimes it's miserable but subsequent relationships and marriages will always be weaker. We've been together since we were teenagers. That bond will always be the strongest.

  19. Marriage used to be viewed as the woman's career, nowadays it's treated as disposable. The worst thing is that there is not one government in the West committed to strengthening the marriage bond, actually quite the contrary.