maandag 11 januari 2016

The Reasons For Divorce

Through the years I have seen divorce destroying families of friends and relatives, sometimes from close by. Just yesterday I heard about another marriage biting the dust. Yet the way people talk about such things is as if nothing of value was really lost, sort of "yes, it's not how it should be, but, after all, he was so difficult to live with." It often changes rapidly when their own child or sibling has become the victim of cruel abandonment, which is really what divorce is all about.

Now, since I'm not of a Catholic persuasion, I don't view marriage as a sacrament, but more like a contract which could be dissolved in some cases. The traditional reasons for fault-based divorce are abuse, abandonment, adultery and addiction, and I'd add to those an able-bodied husband willfully refusing to provide an income (which is a form of financial abandonment), and a spouse denying the other one marital rights without a good reason,e.g. health (an abandonment of the marriage bed).

 Even if there is a reason there should be some waiting period before the marriage is officially dissolved (the spouses could be separated during this period, especially in the case of abuse), as it still is in countries like Germany (they used to have a waiting period of one year in the mid-2000s though I'm not sure if feminists haven't abolished it since, as they have been trying).

However, discovering after 20+ years of living together that you aren't really in love, or have never been happy, or some other bogus stuff along these lines is not really a reason and it will never be. As I have mentioned in one of my previous posts, even in pre-Christian times Germanic tribes considered oath-breaking (and that's what you do when you break your wedding vows and leave) one of the most despicable crimes worthy of the worst torments of Hell, while nowadays we are taught just to shrug our shoulders and move on.

Imagine if we talked about murder in the same way: "Well, I do believe murder is kinda bad, but you know that neighbour was really such a pain in the neck. He never parked his car properly and once I even saw him kicking his dog. If that wasn't abuse, I don't know what is. And, after all he was killed in humane manner and didn't really suffer much, so I can't really blame the person who did it. We are all human, you know and the Bible says something about 'judge not' ". Does it throw chills down your spine yet? Well, the society which not only condones, but positively encourages and cheers divorce and adultery, can very well legalise murder soon.

Conservatives in the USA and other countries have been fighting a losing battle against SSM but usually turn a blind eye to the topic of divorce, which is an example of shameful cowardice as ever was.

That said, the best way to avoid a divorce is to invest time and effort into cultivating a good relationship. After an initial period of romantic love, something else ideally should be growing, something more akin to companionship and even friendship, though it's important not to forget that even as you get older, you spouse is still your romantic partner and not just a walking ATM/ the mother of your children or a buddy.

Never take your spouse and marriage for granted, and if necessary, fight for it. It's well worth it.

13 opmerkingen:

  1. Interesting post. Biblically speaking, adultery is the only grounds for divorce. Even there, if the offending party repents, a marriage is certainly worth striving for. Divorce is really like 2 sheets of paper glued together and then ripped apart again. There is no clean rip.

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  2. Adultery or abandonment (by an unbelieving spouse). I'd like to add that legality and morality aren't always the same. While I think that divorce should be possible for the reasons above, I don't think it's always moral to do it. in fact, it should be the last resort, plus the party desiring divorce should be able to prove in court that they have grounds for it, while the other spouse should be able to contest it.

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  3. To clarify my position, I'm against no-fault divorce. All divorce should be fault-based, with fault being proved in court. There could be a discussion on what constitutes fault, whether it's strictly Biblical definition or more liberal mid 20th century "Four A's". BTW, refusing sex to your spouse has been grounds for divorce since at least 19th century (remember Gone With The Wind?)

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  4. My wife and I have been married for more than 30 years and even after all this time, we still enjoy each other's company. We had screaming matches to be sure, and the make-up sex afterwards was fabulous, but we never crossed that line to comtemplating a life without each other.

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  5. As someone said, "we did contemplate murder at times, but divorce...never!!!" :)

    Every marriage has problems, the way you deal with them makes all the difference, I guess.

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  6. Nothing should be taken for granted. Nothing can be achieved without an effort. Divorce is something so terrible. I recently watched the old movie Kramer vs. Kramer. Housewife leaves child and husband and after she gets employment she wins the custody and everybody is happy. The lawyers ask her if she wanted to work after getting married and the conclusion is her stupid husband insisted that she should stay at home and he was guilty. This happened in 79. I had seen this movie years ago but I wanted to watch it again from the perspective of modern laws. Homemaking is again a sort of crime in the eyes of society that traumatizes popor mothers and feminism saves mothers from unhappy marriages. Mrs Kramer should have fought for her marriage and her son would have lived in a natural environment with father and mother.

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  7. 1970s are when the feminist propaganda was at its strongest (think Stepford Wives) and they really started pushing this whole "housework is oppression, divorce is liberation" nonsense. I sincerely hope there is special place in Hell for those people.

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  8. That is, if they don't repent, of course.

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  9. In order to repent people must understand why it is such a serious problem if divorce is regarded as a usual decission one can take one day. I know specialists who divorced and repented because their daily job was in service of defending family and children's rights. Repairing things in the aftermath of a divorce is not imposibile.

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  10. Alexandra, when I said "special place in Hell" I meant those who started this campaign of destroying traditional marriage in the West. While I still think abandoning your spouse without a good reason is despicable, still as you say, many people simply don't know what they are doing. However, it's certainly not true about those who deliberately used propaganda and changed the laws to destroy the one thing which made us strong. The attack on the Western marriage was and is the attack on the Western civilisation itself.

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  11. And here I don't even mean the 19th century reformers as they probably had good intentions; society was changing and some reforms were probably needed. I very specifically meant the campaign unleashed in the late 1960s-1970s.

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  12. Yes I understand who you mean. But it suddenly crossed my mind that I know certain families who divorced and repented for this mistake after they saw the consequences on their children and at work they where trying to convince others to abandon the divorce procedure. This was an irony of life.

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  13. Better late than never but better never late!

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