maandag 22 september 2014

How To Evaluate A Prospective Husband

Some time ago someone asked me this question, so here comes:

First of all, I'm not a marriage consultant and don't pretend to have all the answers. If you choose to follow my advice, you are doing it at your own risk. I'm not even going to follow the path of some other lady bloggers who spend a considerable amount of time bragging about what great marriages they have and how their husbands are all super alpha males and the like. I will only say that personally I think I did fairly well:)

One of the most perilous ideas of modernity, is, imo, the idea of a "soulmate" or one person specially designed for you, the only one who can make you happy. Some women keep waiting for their soulmates well into their forties and even fifties while their girlfriends get married and become mothers and grandmothers. Others hook up with total losers but can't separate from them being convinced that the said loser is really their soulmate. (Please notice that I'm not talking about divorce here!).

There is no such thing as a soulmate. Since I don't like gossiping, I'll give you an example from classic literature: Sense and Sensibility. Marianne Dashwood is convinced that the handsome cad Willoughby is her soulmate only to marry Colonel Brandon two years later. The author makes fun in the book of her romantic notions that you can only fall in love once in your life and if things don't work out there is no second chance.

While looking for a husband, there is one important thing to keep in mind: you are not just choosing a romantic partner, you are choosing the father of your children. Since many traits are inheritable, if you choose a guy who is stupid, lazy and violent, the chance is big that your children will be the same. That's why the choice of the marriage partner is one of the most important decisions of your life.

You also should have an idea in mind of what your future married life would look like. If you are ever planning on being a housewife/staying home with your children, you should evaluate the provider capacities of every potential suitor . I'm not saying you must become a gold-digger and marry a man for his income alone, however, the most important lesson I was taught in my youth was to avoid men who are not capable or willing to be breadwinners.

Avoid starving artists, eternal students, mama´s boys,  and lazy unemployed bums. Avoid men with serious financial problems, anyone involved in criminal activities, alcoholics, junkies and the like. Also avoid any man who is psychologically unstable and/or violent. Don´t imagine yourself a Mother Teresa and try and save these guys from themselves. It´s simply not worth it. Aim for a reliable if somewhat boring accountant.

This said, you must take a long look in the mirror and be realistic about yourself and your standards. If they are too high, the chance is that you will spend your life alone dreaming of your knight on a white horse. There are certain things which handicap women wishing to marry well, for instance, being overweight is certainly not a bonus. Another thing which often ruins your marital prospects, is having children outside wedlock, so please don´t do it. I´m not saying it is impossible for such a woman to marry at all, but her choice of marriage partners will likely be smaller (and of lower quality).

Another thing which is practically taboo nowadays is the idea that you should marry someone equal or slightly higher to you in social status/class. We are all supposed to pretend that class doesn´t exist, but unfortunately it does. Most people think that class chiefly refers to the amount of money the person makes, but it isn´t true. It´s much more than this. It´s education, the social position of your parents, your whole way of life, the books you read, the friends you have, the school you went to etc etc.

The problem is that when two people come from totally different backgrounds, their life together will have all sorts of problems, which are best avoided if you aim for your social equal as a marriage partner. The same is true about cultural, ethnic and religious differences. Again, I´m not saying that it couldn´t work, only that it will bring all sorts of difficulties. Ask yourself if you are ready to deal with them before you get `unequally yoked`.

The above relates more to the material side of things, if you are interested in how to evaluate a man´s character, check this post:

Choosing a Mate

And also this one:

Mrs Andelin On Men Who Won´t Earn The Living

Well, that´s about it, I hope it will be helpful!

zondag 21 september 2014

My Book's Review By Mark Moncrieff

Mark Moncrieff is an Australian who promotes traditional conservatism at his blog Upon Hope.  That's what he wrote:

Over at athriftyhomemaker Sanne Wijkers has been keeping busy not just with her website, but also with a short novel, The Long Way Home. I recently finished reading her book and quite enjoyed it. A swashbuckler set in a futuristic setting. Which probably made you think of Star Wars, but don't. The setting is very old fashioned with the space ships simply existing to makes things interesting...

Read the rest over here:

The Long Way Home - A Book Review


vrijdag 19 september 2014

Vacation Pictures, Part 2

Here are some more:






Hunting grounds in the German forest (some Europeans do hunt:)


Myself reading a new book on interior decoration which I got as a present from my husband:


And just some village pictures:















donderdag 18 september 2014

Pictures Of Limburg, Part 1

Last year we celebrated our wedding anniversary and got a very nice present from my husband's colleagues - two nights in a Bed and Breakfast of our choice. It was quite some time before we were finally able to use it, due to the pressing family responsibilities, but last week we went way for a couple of days to Limburg, where we also spent several days last year, also in September.

Here are a couple of pictures of our trip:






Valkenburg in the evening:





The cathedral of Aachen (in Germany, the one where Charlemagne is buried, this year they are celebrating 1200 years since his death):


Above and below are some books from a huge book store in Aachen, which feature vintage patterns:





WWI memorial in Belgian Ardennes:

I'll post the rest tomorrow.

woensdag 17 september 2014

Just A Quick Update

I have been away from the blog for some time but now I'm back. My old computer crashed so I'm using my notebook now and though I sorted and uploaded the vacation pictures I didn't have a program to resize them and had to wait for my husband to get back from work and to install it, but since we have an usually warm and sunny weather we decided to spend the evening at the seaside.

I haven't bathed in the North Sea for I think more than two years. The water was cold but I did take a plunge and my husband swam a bit (he is tough:). Anyway, when we finally returned and I attached myself to the computer it became too late to do anything with the photos, so they will now have to wait till tomorrow.

As for our personal news, my father-in-law still experiences serious health problems plus  my best friend is going through a very difficult period of her life (those who are my long-time readers may remember a certain prayer request a month ago).

It's late around here so this will be a short post as I'm off to make lunch for my husband! See you soon...


maandag 15 september 2014

A Wonderful Progressive Feminist Civilisation And Its Untimely Demise

                                      
                                             
                                                      

(image courtesy of Wikipedia)

I have wanted to write this post for some time now, and as I still haven't found time to upload our mini vacation pictures, here it comes: the story of Cretan civilisation and what happened to it.

I remember reading a book long ago which described the ancient civilisation of Crete (called Minoan civilisation) as a sort of egalitarian paradise, where women occupied prominent positions, the attitudes to sex were "enlightened" to say the least, modesty was thrown out of the window and upper classes had a tradition to appear naked at parties.  They were also technologically advanced, urbanised and sophisticated and worshipped the Great Goddess of which the Snake Goddess above is one of the incarnations.

While doing research about spelt flour and the Bronze Age when it was widely used, I stumbled at a Wiki article describing the lost civilisation of Crete and found out that the book was largely correct. It's not possible to say if the inhabitants of the island had been like this from the very beginning, however, at the time of the peak of their power, Minoans certainly exhibited feminist egalitarian  attitudes.

Their religion was chiefly worshipping female deities with female priests (priestesses?) and the scientists describe their religion as matriarchal (and we all know that religion is often the reflection of society). Their women traditionally wore clothes showing their breasts. They were pacifist traders uninterested in warfare, had no standing army and apparently only had ritual violence (though they practised human sacrifice which was apparently O.K.)

Minoans enjoyed the high degree of urbanisation, with water and sewer facilities, had highly developed art and built beautiful palaces. They were engaged in highly organised trade, manufactured commercial goods, practised advanced agricultural methods and only ate organic healthy foods. Their whole society (apart from human sacrifice, of course), seems practically too good to be real and is every progressive's dream. So what happened to these wonderful advanced female-worshipping pacifists?

Well, it's the usual story. First, they had to deal with a natural disaster, and then with the invading armies of their less enlightened neighbours who didn't realise the value of being pacifist. They came with fire and sword and established their own, Micenaean civilisation. Their religion was more patriarchal, reflecting the values of the society which advanced by conquest as opposed to commerce and was ruled by a warrior aristocracy, but they incorporated the elements of Minoan worship into their rituals. They also seemed at least partly to have incorporated Minoan female fashions as shown by the Fresco featured in Wiki article (though I may be mistaken about it).

In the end, they succumbed to more patriarchal Dorian Greeks, who were even less enlightened where it concerned female deities, much to the dismay of Wikipedia writers. I will let everyone draw his own conclusions from this story, though personally I see it as a cautionary tale about what usually happens when a culture becomes too wealthy, pacifist and matriarchal.