Friday, January 29, 2016

Househusbands Aren't Sexy!

I realise it's Daily Mail and stuff, but still, this article about role switching within a family and the problems it created, is interesting to say the least.

In a nutshell, the lady used to stay home with the couple's four boys, which she partly resented because she felt her work wasn't appreciated. Then her husband's business underwent bankruptcy and they decided he would stay home from now on and she'd become a breadwinner. Yet, she isn't happy about this arrangement, either. Apparently, Mr. Mom just doesn't turn her on!

In her own words:

Watching your husband transform from the director of his own company into Mr Mummy is a huge turn-off. No wonder I'm not slipping lustily into my negligee every Friday evening, at the end of a busy week.

And another gem:

I realised with horror that I'd lost a sizeable chunk of respect for that man behind the door, the one with stubble on his chin and dressed in a scruffy, old pair of tracksuit bottoms, picking two-day-old lasagne off the front of a child's jumper.

I missed the one in the freshly laundered shirt, smelling of expensive aftershave. I missed being looked after.

The solution obviously is more feminism. And hiring a nanny!

While I think being a sole carer or sole breadwinner is tough, I hope, with the help of a good nanny, we will eventually find a balance that works for us both.

The poor husband isn't that optimistic, though, and keeps complaining that his wife lost all respect for him. His final warning to other fathers:

So to all the dads out there who dream of spending more time with their children by working from home, I urge you to think again.
Just as my wife always told me, if you want an easy life, stick to the office. And sometimes, the old ways really do work best.

You can read the whole article over here:

P.S. While I appreciate DM attempts to promote traditional sex roles, I don't think undermining the role of father (office is an easy part) is quite the way to go.


  1. Housewife from FinlandJanuary 29, 2016 at 9:08 AM

    When I moved together with my husband, he changed workplace and was unemployed for couple of months. I was working. It is a divine miracle that we are still together. I hated it so much, even though I was still some sort of a feminist back then. Thank God he found a new job pretty soon.

    What surprises me in that DM story is, that the woman seemed to have found so easily a job that pays well enough to keep husband home. Here in Finland if one has been at home for couple of years, finding a job is next to impossible, if you do not re-educate yourself or something.

  2. Housewife from FinlandJanuary 29, 2016 at 9:14 AM

    It would have been hard enough anyway, but my husband hand worked in sifts earlier, so he took the change to sleep very late every morning, and when I came home after work, he was sitting on the computer in his pajamas. No dishes done, no nothing... I hate it when people loose all discipline when they are at home and do not a) get up at reasonable time and b) GET DRESSED.

  3. Housewife, they are apparently British UMC:) Everything is done through friends and family. She mentioned she had found a job through her acquaintances.

    I don't mind my husband staying home, just as long as I don't have to work, and there is money in the bank account:)

    Agree about discipline, it's difficult to judge accurately relying only on a short (and probably biased) article but it looks like that was one of their problems.
    I mean they even hired a nanny and still she couldn't cope and neither does he, though all the kids are already school-age.

    The main point of the article stands though, women tend to lose respect for househusbands, at least, she calls hers Mr Mom, a couple of years ago an American lady described her househusband as "kitchen *itch."

  4. The woman seems ungrateful which is probably typical. And as a man I can't say coming home that would give me tingles either whether I'm working or not.

  5. This is exactly what I told an old friend not to do: work at home just for being a househusband with a paycheck. First, working from home is still a different job from real homemaking and second, as a husband and father, I'd try to keep working outside the home as a main job. Male homemakers aren't occupying a God given role in my opinion. Generally speaking. Experience has proven that men are not appreciated for their domestic chores if they fail as breadwinners while business women are not so appreciated for their struggle at office if they neglect the home. Women have a heart for homemaking and men have power and capacity for ruling, managing and protecting women and children. This is how I see life too. This perspective makes me happy.

  6. Women naturally tend to look up to men, the way children look up to grown-ups. A homemaker's role is very important, but it generally is a dependent role, that's why feminists and egalitarians hate it so much. When an able-bodied man becomes dependent on his woman for survival, it emasculates him. Few women find such men attractive as women are driven to admire power, status and dominance. The worst thing is that so many suffer from cognitive dissonance, they state that they want sensitive, caring men yet the moment their men show any weakness or take a nurturing role upon themselves, as the husband in question, they start to despise them.

  7. Housewife from FinlandFebruary 1, 2016 at 4:43 AM

    I agree with both of you.

    Even when people are farmers and both kind of "work at home", man's work is more outside the home than woman's. Or at least here; women took care of the cattle, garden and house, men worked on the fields when it was summer and in the woods when it was winter.

    And if man stays home, they usually tend to kind of ignore all the domestic tasks and just wait the Working Woman to come home and do them. Now I assume men would eventually do the dishes or laundry, but it seems to me that many men do not realize that things like that need to be done daily. At least that is my husband's way: he lets things pile and then he has a huge "crazy cleaning day". It makes me very nervous, so it is so much better that I stay at home and do the housework and he is exempt from it.

  8. Housewife, they realise it all right when someone else has to do it:) Seriously though, until both work equal amount of hours, housework will always be more a female concern.

  9. The part about he not desiring the scruffy, unshaven undressed man was... interesting.

    How often do you think she greeted him at the door, unkempt, unwashed, and with curlers in her hair?