Tuesday, July 3, 2018

A Word Of Warning

Usually I'm the one who supports the principle of "never punching right", that is, not  criticising openly any fellow traditionalist who may be slightly to the right of me on some issues. I just choose to ignore certain things they say. So in this post I'm not going to criticise any particular internet personality or a blog or a YouTube channel, but I do want to discuss certain confusing (and sometimes disturbing) trends.

Imagine you are a young woman in your late twenties/early thirties, living somewhere in Europe (as some of my readers probably are). You have spent nearly all your conscious life starting with the age of 3 or 4 either at school or working. Now you are married and have a child. Your husband, a nice guy, suggests you take a couple of years from work, or may be, you have an extended maternity leave. You realise you actually like to stay home. You remember how until the 1970s or even later in some countries (like mine where it was till the 1990s) most married women and mothers used to stay home and "just be housewives".

Since you have just made a discovery, you are understandably enthusiastic about it, but soon realise that nobody (except your husband) appears to share your enthusiasm for homemaking and child-rearing. Your girl-friends find their small children a bother and can't wait till they go to school. Older women at the church tell you how their daughters all have great careers. Your mother-in-law, who never worked a day in her life since she got married right after quitting housekeeping school at 16, calls you lazy, unlike her own daughters. And even your own parents resent the fact that you are wasting your education they had to pay so much for. So, what's a girl to do?

You turn to the internet, where as we know, most traffic is in English, and type in "traditional housewife".  After stumbling across a couple of disparaging articles about how housewives betray the economy and are bad for GDP (which causes multinationals to lose 1% of their profit so that they will have to push more unlimited immigration to compensate) you find you first "traditionalist" blog. Wow, they actually say that it's God's will for (married) women and mothers to stay home! Finally, you can stop being ashamed of yourself and even start looking down at those among your family and friends who mock and belittle you. They are in the wrong, and you can be proud of yourself!

Unfortunately, it doesn't stop there. Once you get hooked, because you finally get the validation you were missing all the time, you will keep returning to this type of blogs/vlogs/facebook/whatever and imbibe more of their teachings which aren't all equally savoury. You may, for instance, learn that it's wrong to use any form of birth control, even the NFP (approved by the Pope!) since God desires you to have an unlimited number of children. If you develop a health problem from countless pregnancies which can be life-threatening, you just have to accept it. It's probably just God's Will for you to die anyway. And if your husband refuses to have more kids because he can't provide any more, he's a sinner and you should deny him sex till he repents.

Alternatively, your husband is God and can do no wrong. If he wishes for you to work full time and himself stays home and shoots heroine the whole day, you should "cheerfully submit." The children should all always be homeschooled no matter what because all government schools are satanic (and socialist). In some Euro countries you aren't even allowed to homeschool, so I guess all little Germans are destined to Hell anyway.

Then come Proverbs 31 guilt trips (I covered this topic extensively on my blog so not going into detail here), conspiracy theories, bizarre modesty standards like floor length skirts and general distaste for any sort of entertainment, no matter how innocent. You can't drink a glass of wine with your husband. You aren't allowed to take your kids to the beach in summer (there can be topless women over there and your boys will see them, o horror!). You can't visit a girl-friend, that would be gadding around. You can't go to a gym because your fitness program is wicked (and satanic) etc etc.

I should add that it's not all Christians writing this sort of thing, of course, but in general those who aren't content with the way Western society is going these days. I'm not content with it, either, but still don't think we all should be quitting and going to live "innawoods" like hermits. That is to say, you are free to do it if you wish to, but don't tell me that's the only way because it isn't.

So after reading all this advice the poor lady more often than not gets extremely confused and either runs away from computer screaming and goes right back to work, or sometimes, tries sincerely to follow it, often with disastrous results. The truth is, outside of feminism and fundamentalism, there is also the third way, the way things used to be until recently.

The husband was the head of the family (and the law acknowledged it), but he wasn't a domestic tyrant and had duties, too, like providing for his family instead of playing vidya games the whole day long. The wife was supposed to be demure but also follow fashion trends to some degree. Families were often bigger but most people did something to space the children and would stop after a certain number (which was usually bigger than 2). Children went to school, but the schools were wholesome and taught kindergarteners 3 R's and good manners instead of propaganda. The wife kept the house but also went out to visit friends and had time to pursue hobbies and read books. Instead of shutting themselves off from the world, the families were all interconnected and lived in organic communities and spent much more time with each other than we usually do now.

Mind you, I'm not saying that it's wrong to homeschool or  wear long skirts or have any sort of standards, quite the contrary. But not everything you read on the net may be applicable to your country, culture and situation. Sometimes entertainment or sports is just that, not a part of a satanic NWO conspiracy plot. And you don't have to go live "innawoods", either. In other words, you can still be a housewife and live a normal, average life. May be, boring at times, but in general, quite satisfying:)


  1. I can't believe I'm reading this!!! Absolutely agree with you 100%. Over the years, I've gotten much better at taking what I can use from certain websites/blogs and leaving the rest. I'm glad to say I've found some good places to visit that embrace a more mainstream philosophy while still upholding the ideals of family and civic duty.

  2. Jenny, I'm glad you liked it.

    Yes,we can learn from many people and viewpoints but as I'm getting older, I tend to go for "mainstream", too. There is actually nothing extreme or weird about being a housewife, but some sites will give you an impression that there is. It's like they take the worst stereotypes feminists came up with and try to prove them correct:)

  3. Thank you! I, too, discovered traditional housewife blogs in the past year, and while mostly beneficial since it made me feel less alone in being a housewife and enjoying it (around here you can occasionally find a stay at home mom but it would be extremely unusual to hear her say she enjoys it or thinks of it as anything but necessary drudgery), it's easy to start buying in to some things. For instance, I I like dresses and occasionally wear them, but for my life, they're not practical for the everyday. But after following one blog, I convinced myself that this woman must be right about wearing them everyday and how awful I must look in pants. It took a few months but I was able to come to my senses and now I'm a bit more discriminating. I think it's easy to get swept up when you finally find people you seem to have something in common with for a change.

    Anyway, thanks for the reminder and your blog...I've been enjoying it for awhile now, but am just commenting today for the first time.


  4. Hi Andrea and welcome to the blog! I'm glad you are enjoying it. Pity there aren't many housewives where you live, but it can change.

    I will defend dresses, however:) Personally I find them quite convenient and practical (outside of doing sports), they just don't have to be floor length or a certain colour. For someone like a farmer's wife it may be different, though.

  5. Yes. I had to stop reading a certain blogger because her views on wifely submission had become obsessive and extreme. Very unhealthy. I realised her blog was starting to promote and advocate a life of misery for women as being okay.

  6. I should add that it's often not what is said but how it is said which gets me. You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, so to say. The ideas presented are often wholesome and good in themselves, but the way they are presented makes people upset. You won't make many converts this way. A really good propaganda is subtle:)

  7. Housewife OutdoorsJuly 4, 2018 at 3:51 AM

    How can you be so wise, Sanne?

    I struggled with this very subject when I decided to stay at home. Since I am a person of extremities, all other people's extremes appealed to me greatly. I have spent a lot of money trying to be skirts only and modest. I even concidered headcoverings for a while! (they do compliment my face, so it is not quite as insane as it sounds.)

    For me was to realize that even though I do believe in Christian Values, I am not a "real" christian. I am traditionalist and concervative. What matters to me is "How my ancestors used to do this", not "What my pastor says Bible says about this".

    That's one reason I started my blog, to let other women out there know that there are many ways to be a housewife. (So far I have propably done more harm than good "to our cause".;))

    1. Certainly not, Housewife Outdoors. Your blog is very good and I look forward to your new posts.

  8. It comes as you age, as compensation for loss of everything else worth having:)

    Seriously though, there is such a thing as Natural Law which even agnostics can use to discern which is right or wrong. Take for instance, clothes issue. You don't need to reach for your Bible, since Nat. law teaches us that humans exhibit sexual dimorphism so it's normal for men and women to look and behave different. Now, for Germanic tribes, it was normal for men to wear pants vs long dresses for women way before they converted to Christianity. Etc etc.

    I think the more housewife blogs, the better.

  9. Housewife OutdoorsJuly 5, 2018 at 2:41 AM

    I think in every culture where people wear clothes, women wear something more skirt- like. Think about some siberian tribes(nenets, for example), women have longer fur coats. Inuits, too, as far as I know.

    I think the reason for this clothes diversion is actually peeing. Especially in arctic area with very little trees and coverage (or in a plain, think about indians), women have really appreciated longer coat or dress. Because with that, you can pee without showing your rear end to the whole world. With trousers and shorter jacekt, unpossible...

    Sorry If am too vulgar, but since I have do have rather outdoorsy lifestyle, "peeing in the bushes" is something I think rather lot... ;)

  10. Yes, definitely, but also the nature of male vs female work and covering. In cultures like Roman, senators would wear long togas as a sign of their status but a soldier in the army wore something more resembling a short dress. Also, free women wore long dresses because being free, they weren't sexually available, a short dress on a female was a sign of slavery since a slave was just property. More covering = more dignity.

  11. I had never heard of some to the reasons for dressing this way verses that way. Thanks for the information !
    I think your paragraph starting 'My husband was the head of the household,.." summed those times up well. Not how many see the world now but the way I like it. In one paragraph you said a lot. As I have before mentioned, I married in early 1970. I imagined my life would be like my mothers. When I left home was still like that. Married women at home with or without children. Other housewives close to them. Not so. In such a short time from moving states away a few month ago to a state that was more left and had taught their children that. Now their children had grown so I was now living with women who thought that housewives were dinosaurs. A dying breed..or already dead. And not even missed. So sad. Anyway as you know I did still gladly still stay at home and raise my family. Our choice. Lonely yes but well worth it to us.
    Like everywhere we have to be discerning about what we believe or follow from any web site. Even homemaking sites. This one is great. :) Makes us think. Encourages us all. The web and the many good sites for homemakers has really helped me feel less alone. there are others out there still!! Housewives are not a dead breed. :-))))))) Sarah

  12. Thanks, Sarah, I always love hearing from you!