dinsdag 29 december 2015

Discouragement

By this time my regular readers must have noticed the disappearance of yet another homemaking blog. The lady owner got discouraged by the negative remarks of people around her, including her own family, on her choice of occupation and ended up deleting it.

It's certainly true that society is sometimes downright hostile to housewives, especially in some countries/regions, but more often than not, you will be just viewed with cold indifference. People are generally self-centered, and having raised an eyebrow or two, they will usually return to contemplating their own problems.

It can be different on the internet which often serves as a magnifying glass, and, unfortunately, many women have become victims of planned troll attacks. Here one rule applies: if you can't stand heat, get out of the kitchen. Whether we like it or not, internet is a public space and it attracts all sorts of folks from basically everywhere on Earth. Some of them are freaks and perverts, or simply downright nasty, sadistic individuals who enjoy bullying others they disagree with. In real life they risk unpleasant consequences for this type of behaviour, so they engage in it online.

Though I perfectly well understand blogging fatigue and the desire to keep private things private I think that as adults we should be able to persist in doing what we think is right ignoring naysayers. We shouldn't expect lavish praise for our choices, either. As Helen Andelin wrote in Fascinating Womanhood, having the moral courage to do the right thing no matter the consequences is the basis of good character.

Running the household well isn't considered important nowadays yet there are still lots of women who choose full time homemaking as their profession. Some only for a couple of years, while the children are small, others even though childless or empty-nesters. Lots of them have blogs where they discuss things they do at home, positive things, such as organising birthday parties for their kids, or interior decorating, or cooking or gardening or other things. There are also lots of homemakers in real life, so why not concentrating on the positive instead of negative?

We also are blessed with YouTube where one can watch old TV shows such as I Love Lucy presenting homemaking in a positive light. In a way, it's probably easier to be a homemaker now than it was in the 1990s, before the internet. We should all try to support each other, online and in real life, too. If you know a lonely homemaker, please invite her to a cup of tea!

18 opmerkingen:

  1. Housewife from Finland29 december 2015 om 06:32

    Amen. I think I could not be housewife if there wasn't internet. I find so much encouragement here. Just reading other people's blogs. Without internet, I would think I am alone in the world. :)

    And since I know there are other homemakers, I can just shrug and say "none of your business" if someone tries to question my choises.

    Free will is a wonderful thing. One can for example choose to read only forums and blogs that support her. :) I have finally learned that. I do not need to read things that upset me -not even the news!

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  2. Exactly, why wasting your time on negativity...

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  3. It is always wonderful if other homemakers come up with a courageous attitude in public. I feel very lonely about the housekeeping too not only due to the having a job or not having any job topic but also because less and less women are willing to improve their cooking skills in order to share. I have just found a lady in my country who does kitchen blogging. I'm getting prepared for Sylvester and I'd like to make some cakes I hard only seen in confiseries. This new cooking blog helped me very much and I am more confident now. Your blog, Sanne, has been supporting housewives very much in a feminist blogosphere. Not everybody can understand homemakers and the few housewives one can find online are so good for sharing opinions. But more than anybody, our husbands are the greatest admirers of our cooking and they will always support our work and efforts. Housewives are needed and a good husband will always provide for his wife. This psychological comfort is a blessing despite any naysayers.

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  4. Alexandra, do you have any special foods for Sylvester? We eat oliebollen, I've written about it last year. I'm glad you find my blog of help. Like anyone else, I sometimes get discouraged plus it took me a long time to recover from the virus I got in February. I'll try have more cooking and homemaking posts.

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    Reacties
    1. I'm sorry for your health issues and I wish you best regards and thoughts for the year that is coming. You shouldn't discourage because your activity is giving strength to many homemakers reading your blog.

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    2. Thanks! All the best to you and yours, too!

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  5. A traditional Christmas dessert in my country is "cozonac", sourdough with nut filling, but what I am eager to try is "beigli", a Hungarian equivalent for this. It is a sweet sourdough with a filling of nuts or poppy seeds, called "Mohnstrizel" in German recipes. Here in Romania the dough has to rise like bread but beigli is a different sourdough as it is left in the fridge after being kneated and then filled with plenty of poppy or nut filling in form of a roulade. The filling is much richer than the dough. I love beigli but I couln't find it in stores, so I decided to make it at home with poppy seeds.

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  6. How very interesting! I''m planning to make my own sausage rolls and probably a stollen.

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  7. Olliebollen - getting ready to eat a few of these for sure! Please keep your blog going. I love reading from those who have the same convictions and interests that I do. Wishing you a blessed New Year!

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  8. http://teachtheyoungerwomen.blogspot.com/2015/12/just-tiny-crack.html


    To help her or anyone.

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  9. Thanks, Marietta, the same to you! Don't worry, I'm not planning to disappear, since my blog is also my business enterprise as I'm using it to advertise my book.

    Carlotta, that was a very good post.

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  10. I think I know which blog you are talking about. I was surprised to go there and it was gone. If she was discouraged while she at least had her internet contacts to encourage her.., how will she feel now without even them? Now all she has is naysayers. I hope she can hold up. I wrote her the last couple days but the whole thing got erased before it sent twice and I never did go back and redo it again. Now I wish I had. Others wrote though. Many of us did try to encourage her through the years. I remember how I felt on my empty street while others were working. I wished for an older mentor some days. But got through it knowing I was doing what we believed right by staying home and raising our children. I had dreamed that at that time in my life I would have it like my
    mother did. I just was remembering how it was growing up with mother home and all the other ladies at home too around us for company. If ladies living miles from each other or away from all family and friends could do it I could to. No
    use pitying myself. I really had it good to be able to be home I felt. A true blessing to have a husband that agreed to scrimp and work hard to make it so. I too thank you for encouraging all of us and hopefully some of the newer homemakers too. We do need to help each other to learn and feel strong about our roles. May the new year bring good health to you. Sarah

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  11. Sanne,
    It is a real shame that the lady in question felt so discouraged as to give up her blog, something she obviously had loved and felt so strongly about. I do not know if it's my age (50), or the fact that I was a military wife for many years and most of us were housewives. More recently, my husband's business which he runs from home, means I help him, and therefore, no one has ever questioned me about being home in this vain either. I can say however, that it is myself who has given me the most trouble in feeling that somehow I am not measuring up to the modern society yardstick of being a "responsible person". Fortunately, I have begun to overcome this attitude and realise that I contribute an awful lot to my husband's wellbeing just by being here.
    I cannot say how I would take such criticism as that which the lady suffered, but I should think it would make me feel even more determined to "fight my corner".
    I am however, very grateful for the encouragement, teaching, and thought provoking pieces which your blog and others provide daily throughout the year.
    I wish you and yours and very Happy and healthy New Year, and look forward to more of your "Adventures in Keeping House" for 2016.
    Thank you for your efforts.. They are much appreciated!

    Christine


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  12. Thank you ladies, best wishes for the coming 2016 to you, too! It probably also depends on where you live, as in some areas there are still lots of housewives. I found that reading books about mid 20th century society, watching good old-fashioned TV shows and following homemaking blogs can be of tremendous help. Some people are probably also oversensitive. Sometimes having thick skin helps:) And, of course, support of your family or at least, your husband is important, too. It also gets easier as you grow older since older people are supposed to have health problems and such so that folks can assume that's the reason one stays home. But as homemakers we probably shouldn't walk around with a chip on the shoulder, either. sometimes people ask questions because they are genuinely interested and not simply trying to run you down.

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  13. Sometimes just watching a good comedy show will help, btw. Even the more recent ones, like Allo!Allo! I know it's naughty and vulgar, but if one can laugh about things like war and executions and stuff like that, then surely your own problems seem tiny in comparison!

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  14. Housewife from Finland30 december 2015 om 05:35

    I was afraid that the lady in question was depressed. She seemed to be very sensitive lady. I so hope everything will be settled for her.

    Oh, those Sylvester treats you ladies wrote about...They sound so delicious. Here in Finland we really have no traditional Sylvester foods. For some reason, people eat potato salad and small wiener-like sausages, same things that we eat on Mayday. Propably because the tradition in both celebrations is to get drunk...

    I made rum-raisin chocolate cake. People usually love it.

    BTW, Sanne, do cats usually react on fireworks? Our dog barks like a maniac, she just HATES them. We will go to countryside and give her dog sedatives and jet she must be pet all the time...

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  15. We eat salads, too. I usually make one myself, this year we bought one. And we drink champagne and have fireworks and burn Christmas trees. And all neighbours go out and congratulate each other.

    Housewife, your cake sounds delicious. As for the cats, well, I don't know how these ones will react, our previous one didn't care for it. He would go and hide somewhere in a dark corner.

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  16. Love your blog and derive much encouragement from it! I became a homemaker by choice at the tender age of 19 when I married. Sadly, my marriage has since ended (I'm now in my mid-twenties), but I am still able to be a full time homemaker (thank God!). It is such a beautiful profession, and I am so glad there are bloggers like yourself out there who write about such things, even though homemaking is not a popular career.

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