Monday, January 26, 2015

Why Some Men Keep Dreaming About Polygamy

There are quite a lot of (Western) guys who keep dreaming about various polygamous arrangements while simultaneously complaining about Western women, gold-digging, the state of marriage and how the family can't survive on one income so that their wives have to work.

Those same men often complain how modern women are delusional and overestimate their attractiveness, while they themselves seem to be living in a dreamworld of their own making.

Apart from the question whether polygamy is allowed in the Bible (I believe it's not, but let's say it's irrelevant for the present discussion), how are they planning to support four or more wives if they can't afford to have even one at home? Here comes the most ridiculous part of the whole scheme: some of them are so deluded that they imagine themselves staying home while their wives go out and earn the living, which is truly pathetic, in my opinion.

Polygamy, as we all know, is practiced in (certain) Muslim countries, so how does it work? First, to be able to marry at all, a man has to pay a bride price and it can be very high. It often happens that poorer men can hardly afford to marry at all, while wealthier men have several wives. Second, if Western women are supposedly gold-diggers then you surely haven't met any Eastern ones.

Here is an article by an Iranian man (warning:language) which throws some light upon marital arrangements in his country. I'd just like to quote a part of it:

The husband is, by law, responsible for every dime spent in a marriage. According to Islamic law, the husband cannot ask his wife to spend a dime, or even consult her on how she can spend her money. Money for the expenses of life is called nafaqa, and the husband is mandated to give that money to his wife. She can sue her husband for not paying, and the court will order a monthly amount to be paid to the wife by her husband as her nafaqa. 

Here is an even more interesting part: The amount of nafaqa depends on the class of the woman, but is mandated that it should not be lower than her standard of living prior to marriage. Meaning that if she used to have maids, the husband now should pay for maids. This helps to make it clear that in Iran, “deprivation” of a wife from her husband’s wealth is Islamic laws, a woman’s possession is her possession, but a man’s possession is the family’s possession.

The author of that article isn't thrilled with such patriarchal arrangements. Something tells me that the men who complain the hardest about life in the West wouldn't like Islamic patriarchy, where the man is responsible for everything, either.

Guys, be careful with what you are wishing for!


  1. I'm not deeply into the manosphere stuff all that much, but I would not mind staying at home while the women worked. I do think there are some good women out there but it is a tough search. I'm a good cook and can manage to keep a house clean along with the yard stuff. Not like I'm getting any rewards by working.

  2. I can't imagine living in a house with more women (wives). Talk about a hen house!
    Why would a man even want such a horrible scenario?

  3. They're stupid, and living in a dreamworld.

    And, only thinking of themselves; some men having multiple wives = other men who might otherwise be able to find wives being left out.

    In the Muslim world, the left-out, frustrated men make great suicidal mujahideen, which is a way to deal with the problem: kill them off, and use them to kill off your ostensible spiritual enemies.

    But since we Christians don't do that kind of thing, that option isn't open to us.

    Just like polygamy isn't, either, in fact.

  4. Marietta, the wives are supposed to live in a separate house each, while the husband visits them. Islamic law states he must give equal amount of time and money to each wife, though, otherwise she can launch a complaint. The houses are naturally, also provided by him.

    The husband is fully responsible for their support, including if he chooses to divorce them. A woman can work, with her husband's permission, but her money is hers, he has no right to it. It's hardly the arrangement those men I'm talking about would like:)

  5. Will, yes, my point is they are trying to prove that the Bible allows polygamy, because it's in OT, and they probably see themselves surrounded by a harem, while the truth is that in those countries where it's allowed it's often wealthy men who monopolise women, while poor guys go without, because it's very expensive to have even one.

  6. Sth, since you'd like to stay home and do housekeeping while your wife works, you sure wouldn't mind if she were the head of the family, too? After all, as we say in my country, the one who pays, decides.

  7. In the Old Testament the world needed to be proliferated. As you look at the examples in the Bible of multiple wives; there were always problems. It wasn't blessed. When the Bible says to leave your father and mother and cleave to your wife - there's a recipe for a good marriage. I read from your previous comments how it is supposed to be in Islamic law - in reality the women are chattels of the men.

  8. Agreed, Sanne, completely.

    Polygamy can only be afforded by the rich.

    And despite it being accepted in the OT, it was never really encouraged as ideal, even back then, hence Genesis 2:24, which lays out the monogamous ideal:

    "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."

    One husband, one wife, one flesh - surely that alone is God's ideal...

  9. Marietta, Islamic laws are often harsh for both men and women, but I don't think it's fair to state that women are simply chattel, they have a status of wards of men which isn't much different from how it used to be here. However, their religion allows divorce and polygamy, which forms a contrast to the Christian tradition.

    Will, I agree about polygamy being far from the ideal, however, there are Christians who keep insisting it's fine and that the Biblical commands for Christians have just been misunderstood for 2000 years.

    In the interests of honesty, I will add that rich and powerful men in the West often had mistresses and it was tolerated, to a degree. Charles Martel, for instance, was a son his father had from a concubine. William the Conqueror was born on the wrong side of the blanket, too.