donderdag 5 november 2015

Is The Tide Turning?

Here is hope for all the homemakers out there who feel themselves attacked by others, sometimes even their own family, which is very frustrating. As the society is getting more liberal, it becomes increasingly tolerating to "alternative" lifestyles, including, incredibly enough, the families with the traditional division of labour.

So here is an excerpt from an advice column in an American newspaper:


Dear Amy: My sister lives across the country. She has been married for 33 years. They've raised two daughters who are now adults, but she's been living the most boring life ever!
I don't know how she could be happy doing nothing but cooking and cleaning for all these years. And then she has the nerve to criticize me for not having enough time in my day, when she has no clue what it's like to work full time.


There is more in the same style, including this:

I've asked her to write me a list of what she does all day. I've sent her lists of what I manage to accomplish in the three hours I have in my home, but she has declined to provide her list.

It's actually a typical line of attack, accusing a homemaker of doing nothing the whole day.

However, the advice the lady gets is not exactly what she expected, as Amy very bluntly tells her she was being rude and needs to apologise to her sister for criticising her choices:


She doesn't owe you or anyone else an explanation or justification for the choices she has made.
She also doesn't need to provide you a list of her daily activities so that you can pick it apart, looking for holes in her schedule. Your demands — and your assumptions about her — are disrespectful.

You see, placing individual choices above everything else has it's positive side, too!  Like my mother told me recently, it's the current year, you can be anything you want!


Read the whole exchange over here . H/t to Aaron Clarey

21 opmerkingen:

  1. Housewife from Finland5 november 2015 om 05:15

    Hah. Very good that the Housewife -sister was wise enough not to give her list.

    But I have noticed that some housewifes have a desperate need to prove how busy and productive they are. For example, in their blog's presentation they write: "I am a housewife, homeschooling mother, writer, talker, running home business, etc."

    I, however, have started to take some pride from the fact that I do not need to be productive. Of course I try to do my tasks effectively, but if I have leisure time -and I have- I have no duty to do "something productive" or "reasonable". I can go out and kick the autumn leaves if I feel like it.

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  2. Shocking, but not really, that this came from a woman's mouth and not a man's! I like that the housewife sister did not give a list of her jobs. I also appreciate Amy's answer.

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  3. I am also one of those housewives who no longer have children in the house. When people ask me what I am, I half-jokingly say that I am a lady of leisure. I've never had anyone give me grief over the fact that I am not working at a job or don't run myself ragged to prove my worth. I don't know if that's because people really don't care how I run my life or if I look too stern to mess with. I am blessed and cursed with what is called resting bitch face. lol

    I'm with Housewife from Finland. I have absolutely no guilt over how much leisure I have nor how I spend it.

    It has always mystified why anyone can be so wrapped up in what another adult does or doesn't do.

    I think the so-called productive sister isn't productive enoough if she can devote time and energy to obsessing over her sister's life style to the extent she writes to an advice columnist!

    Oh, and about boredom, I think some people need constant outside stimulation and activity and others don't. It might be an extrovert vs.introvert thing. I am an introvert and I am never bored when left to my own devices. I am always thinking and wondering and observing when it looks like I am doing nothing .

    One time my husband asked in all seriousness, not at all snide, that don't I ever get bored being alone at home all day. I was so surprised by that question because I have never come close to boredom.

    When do I feel bored? It's when I am with other people who are talking about something I am not interested in, like sports.

    There is also not enough time to do/learn all the things I'd like to. Learn to crochet, sew a quilt, learn to sew clothes, learn to paint, learn to make slipcovers, finally figure out how to get my garden the way I want and do it. And I want to do these things leisurely and pleasantly not run around like a nut just to say I did these things.

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    Reacties
    1. Housewife from Finland6 november 2015 om 03:22

      Dawn, I am also highly introverted and totally agree with you about this getting bored -thing.

      Now I do get bored sometimes, if I am too tired to do the things I would like to. But it is still nothing compared to the boredom I experienced doing accounting, when I was still working. :)

      I mean really, most jobs are really boring. Very few people are lucky enough to do something they are passionate about. So going to work in order to avoid boredom makes absolutely no sense.

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  4. I think there was one lady who had exactly the same problem, people criticising her choices. May be, this article will be helpful for her!

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  5. No one has ever questioned my role of homemaker. At least not to my face! Though my father-in-law did mumble something once, but I just smiled and ignored him. His opinion is meaningless to me. His wife worked so much and so hard, leading to serious lifelong back pain and back problems. I'm hardly going to base my life choices on his warped definitions of a wife's duties in life.

    Mara.

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  6. Funny how ideas have completely reversed concerning this subject. There was a time when it was thought a shame for a man to have a wife working at a job other than home keeping. If she did, it meant he couldn't make enough money to support the family, which was his greatest pride. My mind goes back to all the feminist talk of the late 60s and all of the decades since and how fun was made of that fact and shame put on the man to want all the glory and shame on the woman for making nothing of herself. I'm glad to see it come back around to realizing that home keeping is a very important job that shouldn't be downplayed in any way.

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  7. Love this! And the comments.:)

    Thanks. From "A Lady of Leisure". :)

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  8. When husbands value their wives staying at home; there is a lot less tension in the family. I personally think it helps the husband out at his work; he deals with a lot less stress at home. The family runs in an orderly manner with well balanced meals. There's proper time to make the household run in a neat, orderly fashion.

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    1. Totally agree with this. My husband and children come home to a fresh, healthy, nutritious meal every night. And a mum who is calm and relaxed because she hasn't had to squeeze in the running of the household with work. When I did work, I was tired and resentful and starting to have health issues. It was just too much for me. Dinner, laundry, household administration, cleaning...,,everything somehow fell into my lap, and I was starting to crack. Giving up work was the best thing I have done. I don't resent my husband anymore, and we both have our defined roles, and life just is easier and simpler. My husband has been promoted many times at work since I stopped working, as he can fully focus on his job, while I look after everything at home. His pay rises have more than covered my lost wages, and after a hard day at work he comes home to a peaceful, calm sanctuary where he can put up his feet and completely relax. Both of us are so much happier, and life is easier.

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    2. That's exactly what happened in our home too Mara.

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  9. Our culture is about backwards these days isn't it? A good wife used to be prized and sought after...and a good wife used to stay at home. Now, a good wife works while her children are in day care and lets her house go. Today a good wife deprives her husband of a decent dinner. Instead they eat TV dinners or fast food. Everyone watches TV til they go to bed, then do it all again the next day. Because of this their home is in disarray and I'll be neither of them know why, but blame each other anyway.

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    Reacties
    1. So true, Peace at Home. But I also have friends who do it all; they work and they have beautiful, clean homes and nice dinners.......BUT, they are miserable, and so tired, and resentful of their husbands. They are wearing themselves out in pursuit of the feminist dream of having it all. It is a fallacy, a disservice to women. Their husbands are miserable and so are they. Sometimes, I feel like I'm privy to a secret recipe for a happier life; but who am I to lecture them?! It never goes down well, so I love my life and I let them live theirs. I changed the way I live MY life when I was witness to another stay-at-home mother, and to how her life was so much better than my previously chaotic mess. As they say, actions speak louder than words.

      Mara.

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    2. Very, very true. I used to work and it was horrible. I cooked all day on one of my only two days off so I could put dinners like lasagna in the freezer so we could eat decently all week long. That took about 4 hours. Every weekday when I got home from work I didn't want to clean or anything else because I was so, so tired. All I wanted to do was sit on the couch then go to bed. We fought more. And yeah, it breaks my heart to see women burning themselves out. I feel like they are slaves to what they think they should be trying to attain "it all". I'm hoping more and more women will realize how fulfilling it is to live their life the way it was meant to be lived.

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  10. I have been away from,the blog for a couple of days, but I've read everything. Thanks you all for your nice comments, ladies!

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    Reacties
    1. I love the way you write and the subject is one I'm so passionate about. I've been reading back posts and so forth. Very addicting. Thank YOU for all the time you've put into it. I'm getting encouragement. Sometimes I just need someone else who's stays at home so I can say, "I'm not crazy for staying home....she's doing it too!"

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    2. Housewife from Finland9 november 2015 om 05:45

      Peace at home, I love your blog. Could you also allow commenting with only a nickname? That would be highly appreciated. I would love to comment your blog, too, but I do not have google account or such. Now I know it is not hard thing to get it, but I am trying to keep my life as simple as possible and that is why I would rather not register to something just to be able to comment blogs.

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  11. Peace, if you like the way I write you should try reading my book! It's available as the PDF for something like 3$ I think:)

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  12. Yes Housewife from Finland, I too hope that Peace at Home can organize to allow comments without choosing an account as I'm sure there'd be more interaction. (I didn't even know we had a Google account until my husband showed me how to 'log-in' to it.) Although it may open her up for nasty comments (if not moderated) because of her excellent but controversial posts? Sorry don't know much about how it all works. I'm just thankful for wonderful blogs encouraging and supporting women at home.

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  13. Housewife from Finland, I think Peace at Home has adjusted her settings so others can comment. I'm looking forward to reading yours there as I really enjoy your comments here.

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