dinsdag 30 juni 2015

Who Are We Trying To Please?

I have been thinking how strange it is that women are often so eager to please other people/other women while ignoring their own husbands.

Examples abound: the husband states his preference for long hair while the girlfriends encourage the wife to get a haircut. The father thinks his grown-up daughter could better stay home with her children while the mother eagerly volunteers to babysit. The husband earns a decent income and doesn't like for his wife to get distracted from her domestic duties while she agrees to babysit the neighbour's children for less than the minimum wage. The wife allows her mother to interfere into the family affairs etc etc.

The husband nearly always seems to come last, after children, parents, neighbours, girlfriends and pets. Somehow it doesn't strike me as right.

The men are all different, of course, some even want their wives to work and don't care for a cozy home. Yet, the majority of them seem to want the same thing: the wife who takes care of her appearance and isn't a slob, well-behaved children,an organised household, meals on time and as little drama as possible. Doesn't sound like too much to me.

It can be different for two-income couples where the wife is a career woman and earns the same amount of money as her husband, but if the husband is the chief breadwinner, the family welfare (including children and pets) depends on him. Even from purely pragmatic considerations, it makes sense to defer to his opinions and tastes more than to that of a girlfriend or a neighbour lady.

It's probably the reason while feminists want every woman to have a career, so that she isn't dependent on her husband and doesn't have to please him as they seem to be allergic to an idea that women should do anything at all for men or even treat them halfway decent.

That brings me to another point, namely the error of some men who think that they can have a (full time) working wife and still be the head of the household. The law has pretty much done away with the power the husbands once held in marriage, so the only power that they still wield is economic, by being the provider. Once your wife isn't dependent on you any more, any marital submission on her part isn't much more than role-playing.

18 opmerkingen:

  1. You make some very good points! A happy wife - a happy life and the same goes for men.
    As to the long hair; as women become older, long hair usually doesn't look becoming anymore. I think men sometimes see their wives as the young lady they fell in love with.
    As far as finances; most of us have far too much. (me included). Women often work for things that land up in a second hand store after one year.It's much nicer to have an uncluttered home with far less to clean.
    I was watching the news last night and the bankruptcy rate for seniors is going up and they attribute much of that to divorce. Divorce can make a couple very poor. Someday we will learn, I'm hoping. It's good to put your efforts into keeping your husband happy in his own home.

    BeantwoordenVerwijderen
  2. Thanks, Marietta! Yes, ideally we should try to please our husbands/spouses out of love and also gratitude for what they are doing for us.

    I agree about hair, to an extent. First, some women still have good enough hair as they grow older, but would cut it because "everybody is doing it", "it's too much work", etc. And then, there are short hair styles which are quite feminine, yet the majority of older women choose something more suitable for in the army.

    Divorce absolutely ruins family finances and screws the children in the process. I still can't understand why people are doing it to each other and to their kids.

    BeantwoordenVerwijderen
  3. Long hair on older women looks worse then short hair? According to whom? Unless it is according to their own husbands that is wrong. I have been horrified more then once to realize I am talking to a little old lady that I thought was an old man with a horrible hair cut. Meanwhile there are some delicious older ladies I know who wear delightful clothing, smell divine and have lovely hair. Often they tell me what they are wearing is several decades old. They purchased classically tailored items of excellent quality and are wearing them 40 years later.

    The op was great. I think there is a lot of propaganda about having girlfriends. You know, women rarely get along. What a waste to throw over a husband for some woman most likely gossiping about you. To ignore children who adore you and would care for you all their lives for some women at some club you belong to.

    BeantwoordenVerwijderen
  4. I think having friends is fine, in general, as long as the husband still keeps his number one position:) I remember watching parts of Donna Reed show on YouTube and she was always busy with some club meetings to the detriment of her husband who was a busy doctor himself, so it all started even before housewives went out of fashion.

    BeantwoordenVerwijderen
    Reacties
    1. 1950s were actually pretty feminist. I've noticed too on these old shows like Leave it to Beaver and The Donna Reed show (I've watched a few episodes on YouTube myself:)) that the women may be housewives but they seem to be more concerned with directing community affairs or getting involved in affairs outside of the home than anything else.

      Verwijderen
    2. They never seemed too traditional and remember they went out to vote as well.

      Verwijderen
    3. I thought Donna Reed was from the 1960s? I read somewhere the show was meant as counterbalance to "Father Knows Best" from the 1950s as in being a Mother Knows Best" type of show.

      Verwijderen
  5. I love this post. :) As for long hair, I'm going to hold onto mine for dear life even as I age. Mine is past my waist and I barely do any work to it at all. I find it easier to maintain than if it was short. If I want to fix it I just brush it straight while blowing it dry or maybe put some big curls in it. Truthfully most days I don't even brush it. I wash it, let dry and put it half up in a bun and half down. My husband says he likes it that way but of course he likes it down better.

    The last part is true. Though the law may have stripped husbands of authority if he has all the money he's still in charge. I was thinking about that the other day how the only real power I actually have is through my husband. I don't see it as bad. It's only bad when men aren't responsible. If men are supporting women and protecting them then it's a good thing to be desired.

    BeantwoordenVerwijderen
  6. My Granny had great hair and only went grey after her son's death when she was nearly 80. She kept it long till her dying day.

    As for the second part of your comment, I'd rather take care of my husband than go out to slay dragons, and I bet that most women would be happier that way. The minority wouldn't but I wonder whether it was worth it to destroy traditional family to satisfy them.

    BeantwoordenVerwijderen
    Reacties
    1. Yes, true. There are some women who are adamant about careers, independence, etc... But many women don't care about that. But society is now feminist and gender less all the way through in all its institutions and men, of course, have allowed and keep allowing it to happen.

      Verwijderen
  7. The femine hating started earlier then the 50s. I saw an original Nancy Drew movie where she says "If a woman has a mind she should have a career."

    As for friends, they have their place. I was remarking on your post and agreeing with it.
    Carrie

    BeantwoordenVerwijderen
  8. Housewife from Finland1 juli 2015 om 04:52

    I hate this modern Cosmopolitan -mentality, that "men come and go, but friends last forever". I have never understood how any woman in her right mind could think that friends are more important than your husband! Now wonder so many marriages end up in divorce... I think that even if we are not dependent on our husbands he should come first, because - well, that is the whole point of marriage. Both put the other one first and that is how it works.

    Of course we need female friends, but if they are more important than our husband we should have married them. Since it is legal nowadays in most western countries...

    About hair: I think that especially if hair is very thin, it looks better if it longish. Then you can curl it and put it on messy bun and it looks fuller. One needs lots of healthy hair for those "sexy" pixie cuts. Most women look awful with them, and they are called "Chicken's rear" here in Finland. AND since facial features get more manly when we get older (it seems to me), longer hair makes it easier to stay more feminine.

    BeantwoordenVerwijderen
  9. The features probably get more manly due to the menopause, and the voice often deepens too, that's why, imo, older women must take more precautions to look feminine.

    The modern "love based" marriage and easy no-fault divorce which makes both spouses distrust each other negate the real meaning of the family. Family and marriage isn't about two individuals being "happy", whatever it means nowadays. It's about keeping and increasing family wealth and ensuring your blood lines. An attack on marriage is an attack on private property. That's why foreign adoptions never made sense to me. Childless couple often used to adopt in the past, but it would be their nephews and male cousins, so that the wealth would stay in the family.

    BeantwoordenVerwijderen
  10. I knew a women who went grey by the time she was 40, she kept her hair long and it looked amazing.

    BeantwoordenVerwijderen
  11. Housewife from Finland3 juli 2015 om 02:19

    Hair also stays in better condition even when we get older if we do not dye it or use other heavy treatments.

    About love: I think it is essential in marriage but problem is that modern view of love is sick. Love is mutual giving based on respect. I have never understood how some women claim they love someone thay obviously cannot respect.

    BeantwoordenVerwijderen
  12. Housewife from Finland3 juli 2015 om 02:20

    It is actually strange how so many women have casual sex and yet they cannot tell the difference between love and lust.

    BeantwoordenVerwijderen
  13. It's a really interesting topic, the real meaning of the word "love" and how it got corrupted. Take the Biblical command to love your enemies. Not only there is evidence that only personal enemies and not political were meant, but the traditional Bible commentary explains it along the lines of acknowledging the humanity of your enemies, and, for instance, not torturing them for sport. Nowadays it's interpreted as never hurting anyone's feelings.

    Now as for lust, it''s somewhat more typical for men as they have a stronger sex drive, though women can certainly experience it, too (I think we discussed it somewhere in the past). Women who historically had more to lose if things went wrong, were usually more reticent. Since feminism encourages women to copy men in everything, it's little wonder they are now following their basest passions. And if things go wrong, well, there is always daddy government with a paycheck.

    BeantwoordenVerwijderen

No anonymous comments. Anonymous comments will be deleted.