I am an atheist man living in the United States and I support patriarchy, I support traditional gender roles, in particular I support the traditional non-working wife. To many in the West today “patriarchy” is a scary word; in particular among those not in a religious setting (such as myself) the idea of supporting patriarchy is just plain bizarre. Still I am who I am; an atheist man in the West supporting patriarchy. So why have I come to this point; how did I arrive at this radical counter-cultural perspective?
Going into a bit of my personal history; I found that the feminism I was raised in, that I was immersed in since birth, prepared me for the adult world, particularly my romantic purpose as a man, very poorly. Basically as a feminist man I had no drive to offer support to women or contribute anything substantial to a woman’s life. This led women to not be interested in me romantically so that a great barrier between me and women developed; a barrier I desperately wanted to overcome but didn’t know how to overcome. So finally I came to the conclusion that it was my feminism and the inertia and apathy towards women my feminism led to that was causing my failure in the romantic sphere. With this realization my attachment to feminism ended once and for all and I embraced patriarchy.
That is the personal side of how I came to support patriarchy but in addition to this there was also the social developments in my country that led me to the realization that I was not alone in my troubles; that difficulties between men and women were widespread and that they had grown tremendously over time. My rejection of feminism came around 1995 and at that time in my country there was a great concern going on about rising out-of-wedlock births, rising crime and a drug epidemic among the black population, growing welfare dependency among single mothers, and social breakdown in general. I was able to see that my personal troubles were part of a much broader breakdown in the family and in relations between men and women. The cause of this breakdown I saw to be feminism as it was feminism that told me to not be a man; to shun and feel ashamed of my natural manly characteristics and drives and sense of purpose; that in effect told me I had no special purpose in women’s lives which is what led me to not seek an important role in a woman’s life in the first place thereby causing my romantic failure with women.
Family breakdown problems are happening all throughout the Western World (and actually globally if one looks carefully). For example in the Netherlands, home of the author of this blog, the out-of-wedlock birth ratio was only 2.2% in 1975; this ratio rising to 15.5% in 1995 and up to 44.3% in 2010. Looking at the divorce rate in the Netherlands it was 5.7% in 1965, 20.1% in 1975, 41.9% in 1995, and 44.7% in 2010. Additionally the fertility rate in the Netherlands went below replacement level in 1973 and has been continuously below replacement level ever since.
Feminists will try to tell you this disaster in family life is simply women’s liberation; women free at long last to pursue their dreams no longer being “forced” to be only good wives and mothers as if being “only” a good wife and a good mother is beneath them. Feminists further claim that patriarchy, the social system that existed when divorce and out-of-wedlock births were shockingly low by today’s standards, was a time of brutal and unending oppression of women and women should be oh so glad those dark days of the past are behind them. Don’t be fooled by these lies and distortions.
Keep in mind here what patriarchy actually is. Patriarchy is Chivalry; Chivalry defined as the male duty to provide for and protect women according to the collective judgment of men as a community and according to the conscience and sense of purpose of each individual man ultimately under the authority of God. Yes patriarchy does have male domination as a component but the male domination serves a purpose; to protect the man’s investment in the woman so that the man will feel secure and motivated to invest in the woman. Without male domination there cannot be high male investment in women as a man will not invest in a woman who uses the man’s investment in her in a way he does not intend. If you look at feminism in practice you will see that as women become “empowered” and “more equal to” men male investment in women disappears as can be seen by soaring births outside marriage, soaring divorce, and soaring numbers of married women working. No more male power means no more male support.
Also it should be remembered that in a patriarchal social system each individual man is always under men collectively; under the law; and that the man always is considered to be under God, obligated to use his authority for the Godly purpose of supporting and guiding his family overall. Patriarchy has never been based on male selfishness; it has always been based on male sacrifice and male service.
So I am not ashamed to openly advocate for patriarchy. Patriarchy is exactly what society needs to undue the great damage feminism has done. I am part of a group called the TWRAs or Traditional Women’s Rights Activists. My blog is at Secular Patriarchy. In particular I recommend the following article at my blog exploring some of the themes mentioned in this essay:
The statistics mentioned regarding the Netherlands come from Eurostat.