Disclaimer: I'm not writing this post to pile on working women, and I know that some probably don't have a choice; while, on the other hand, we all know women who stay home but do little housework or mothering. That said, housewives are often confronted by working women, in real life and online, and accused of laziness, because the said working women have this strange idea that they both earn an income AND do the same amount of work at home, which is very obviously not true, and I'm going to prove it.
A mother who works any amount of hours outside home while having children of preschool age is quite obviously NOT spending this time with her children hence not mothering them. Any woman who uses after school care, help of granny or a nanny, idem ditto. They will tell you that they are with their kids in the evening, well, and so is a stay-at-home mother! Quality time after working 6 to 8 hours and commuting while quickly coking dinner is a myth.
Speaking of cooking, working women will tell you that they, too, cook. Someone told me she cooks once a week and freezes her dinners. While it's better than fast food so many families exist on nowadays, it's not equal to making dinner every day from fresh ingredients, the way a normal housewife does.
Shopping for better ingredients and bargains takes up a lot of time, too, and guess what? Many working people nowadays do all of their shopping online and have it delivered to their house. Since they pretty much outsource it, you can hardly say they do the same amount of work.
As for housecleaning, it's something which is difficult to compare since all the homes are different. Yet I keep hearing of women who clean their bathroom once in 3 (!) weeks or single ladies living in a small studio apartment which hardly takes much time to clean or couples who have parents (!) cleaning their houses while they both work comparing themselves to someone who has a decent size family home with a garden and a family with small kids.
It's simply the cold hard truth that there are but so many hours in the day and if you spend them working away from home or hanging out with friends, you aren't spending this time working at home or taking care of your kids, so no, dear working lady, you are very clearly not doing the same thing a full time homemaker does.
Again, I'm not attacking working women, just gently reminding them that housewives don't appreciate catty comments about them "wasting their time and potential at home" just like a working lady would probably get angry if told that she was just a paper-pusher in some office or something similar. If modern society is all about "choice" than the choice to be a traditional homemaker should be respected as well.
Well stated and all true.
ReplyDeleteA sad thing about women working, other than the fact that someone else is raising the kids, is the divorce rate. One place where my husband worked there were a lot of women working, and there was a huge number of extra-marital affairs and divorces. I heard there were over 100 divorces out of 1,500 employees the first year the company was in business. Nobody wants to hear that though.
I've heard women say they work so their kids can have things, but it's obvious it's not the kids driving that shiny new second car, and neither is it the kids stopping by McDonald's to pick up a fast (unhealthy) dinner because they're worn out from being away from home all day. And working women can say they spend quality time with their families all they want, but the fact is that's just not true. Sitting in front of a TV eating takeout doesn't qualify as quality time with the family.
The truth is sometimes hard to handle, but society in general needs to hard look at what's happening to modern families. It's not a pretty picture.
For the love of money is the root of all evil...
ReplyDeleteMore to say on this one later, for sure. But off the top of my head: I've been a HomeMaker for 32 years and I can safely tell you, I've lean manufactured this position to its peak of efficiency and there is, still, no room for even a part-time position outside the home. It is the lie of "women can have it all" … we just cannot. Imagine that, we are actually JUST human and limited by time and space as the men are.
ReplyDeleteAnother factor to consider is that the older you are, the less energy you have and if you still want to stay relatively attractive and healthy, you need an ample time to rest and recuperate, which makes combining work outside home and efficient housekeeping even more of a challenge.
ReplyDeleteTHAT is absolutely correct! And there is much MUCH more wear & tear on your feminine softness and attractiveness (as far as physical features go) the longer you are out in the world. Nicely done Sanne.
DeleteThanks, Robyn!
ReplyDeleteOne thing that I have encountered as well is the near automatic assumption that I have an abundant amount of time to do favors for other people. This morning alone, I worked for 4 hours straight, which is more than most people who work a 9-5 can say.
ReplyDeleteAnother factor to consider is that the older you are, the less energy you have and if you still want to stay relatively attractive and healthy, you need an ample time to rest and recuperate
This is true as well. Not only to rest and recuperate, but to exercise and prepare healthy meals. Low stress, clean living has a huge impact on what we look like as we grow older.
Lastly, acknowledging that there is a better or best way of raising a family to do things is not a condemnation of those who do it differently, especially if they feel they have no other choices. I am well aware that some women work outside at the behest of their husbands even though they would rather not.
It would be nice if housewives were extended the same gracious acceptance of personal choice that other women are extended.
Plus by the time children get older, you usually get some elderly relatives to take care of, or at least, to visit. It's not a coincidence that now when the majority of women work, we suddenly get an epidemic of "lonely older people". Western governments' solution is to send a bunch of social workers to visit them, as if they can be a substitute for loving relatives. But, I guess, GDP keeps on growing and that's all that matters.
ReplyDeleteAs for the women working at the behest of their own husbands, that's a whole other problem. I've been planning to touch upon it in my next post, but having "a spot of family trouble" at the moment, which takes a lot of time...