Lest you think it comes chiefly from "libruls" "progs" and "feminazi" think twice. It will more often than not come from "conservatives" (some call them "Churchians" nowadays). Take this article, for example. The author apparently means well, yet what is the end result? Let's find out!
The article deals with the inability of modern career girls to find a husband and build a family yet it's called The Problem With Men... To quote: The problem with the guys they come across is the exact opposite. They don’t approach with any intentions.
Well, I have some news for you, maybe men don't approach you because they don't find you attractive? Could it be that you are a problem? Why is the onus always on men? In the times past girls from the young age were taught how to "catch" a husband, which included training in domestic skills, btw. If a modern "cubicle" girl doesn't inspire any tender emotions in her male colleagues, whose fault it is? (And speaking about the office setting, with modern harassment laws, why should a guy risk his career? There are other places to meet the opposite sex, outside of the work setting, but I guess, "cubicle" girls have never heard of it?)
But no, says the esteemed author, the problem doesn't lie with women, how could it be? It's...(suspence intensifies) internet porn! He then goes on to state that The social opportunities open to women today are making them better catches... Better catches, really? Who decides? Certainly not the men who refuse to approach these "better catches".
He then presents this demeaning caricature of a young man: They live underground in the dark, seldom experiencing fresh air and actual sunshine upon their faces, and scrounge for anything close by that they can eat. (And many young women get wasted at parties, engage in all sorts of risky behaviours, and spend time attention-whoring on social media but these facts never get mentioned by any "conservative columnist". And if you say Not All Women Are Like That - it's true, and neither all men are primitive cave-dwellers).
The following example is truly bizarre:
Ask any young woman how she vets all the nice young men who approach to decide who will advance to the bonus round of an actual date. She will ask if you rewind your VHS tapes before returning them to Blockbuster, or just pay the fee.
Is it even a modern article? I don't know anyone, much less a young person, using a VHS tape - they all stream Netflix through their smartphones. The author then makes a truly amazing statement (at least, amazing for a supposed conservative since that's what liberals have been claiming since forever), that masculinity isn't biological, but a social construct which "males" have to learn. No wonder "conservatives" weren't even able to conserve girl bathrooms.He also gives us some examples of manliness: Margaret Thatcher.
Here I pause to wonder. If males should learn manliness (from women apparently) shouldn't women learn femininity (from men? Mind-boggling). Not according to the author. A woman can be a "warrior" and still perfectly feminine. Unlike masculinity, femininity does not require demonstration. It exists most strongly in a woman’s essence. He essentially says that women are created perfect and never need to learn anything (just not being "butch'" whatever it means - obviously being a general in the army is OK). Why trying to make yourself attractive to men? It's them who have a problem!
Next the author spends several paragraphs waxing poetic about masculinity, and teaching boys masculinity while not forgetting to remind us about the matchless power of the feminine. And in case you still had some doubt, it's up to men AND women to teach masculinity to boys: Men teach and call younger boys up into it, and women set before the young male what he must do if he wants a shot at them.
It all boils down to this: men are supposed to learn virtue but women ARE already inherently virtuous. Women should have high standards for men, but men should be just happy with any
He ends up with this statement: We need to be men, all of us, to hitch up our collective trousers and teach our boys what manliness is and what it is not and demand they act on it. If nothing else, there’s a whole generation of young women hoping someone will step up and do so.
It's some serious reversal of help meet doctrine: men exist to cater to women. My conclusion after reading this: I don't know about "toxic" masculinity (it isn't something they are talking much about in my country, thank goodness) but I do know what is toxic - constantly bashing men while not enforcing any standards on women. It's about as much conservative as supporting big corporations and cheap labour at the expense of the existing communities. Also, if a woman desires to marry, she should be proactive about it, which includes learning about what men actually value in women and excludes
I think that even when people DO teach their daughter virtue, it is done in a way that just makes this "daddy's little princess" -syndrome worse. You know, purity balls and -rings (though I do not know if they are still popular?). And teaching you must be modest in order not to be "stumbling block" to ALL men.
ReplyDeleteSo they are basically telling girls that your h*men is the center of the universe and you are so hot that all men drool and drip over their tongue if they see glimpse of your skin.
And I still think that men who spend time writing about masculinity in their blogs are the ones who have no idea what real masculinity looks like. :)
It seems to me that this man you quoted thinks that pretty women=feminine, even if they are generals and wear overalls and ugly women=butch. I wonder where Brigitte Macron would lie in his category...
BTW, I've been thinking about what you said. (Pretty=feminine)and you are probably correct. For a man in his fifties all these 20+ cubicle dwellers probably look pretty. The problem is that their male peers apparently don't find them pretty at all and there is nothing he can do about it, which must be rather frustrating. Also, boomers tend to have this strange obsession with women in traditional masculine occupations provided they are "hot"". It's just that church-goers will deny hotness has anything to do with it and claim instead that they are fascinated by the woman's mind and "innate power of the feminine essence" or some other such nonsense.
DeleteTo be honest, I think I have reached the point where I disagree with EVERYBODY, when talking about masculinity or femininity. ;) I think I must write a post, named "Everybody's Wrong with Everything all the time"
ReplyDeleteFor the record, I agree that modern Western men are not particularly masculine, otherwise they wouldn't tolerate all this nonsense from their women - but that's exactly the behaviour that the author would probably decry as "toxic" and "macho" methinks:)
ReplyDeleteAlso masculine behaviour is determined by testosterone just like feminine behaviour by female hormones. Testosterone is about aggression, dominance and drive and in healthy societies this behaviour is directed towards higher goals. It's about defending what is yours: your woman, your family, your territory and for older men, laying down the law. Of course, modern society discourages it.
ReplyDeleteI've been attempting to the dating thing in my 40's in my part of the country. Some of my favorite women profiles of women in their late 40's to 50 are: 'I won't settle', 'I deserve the best', or 'I'm looking for a Christian man'. On a good day most of these women would rate 5 in terms of physical attractiveness. Educated women are the worst in their demands as they age.
ReplyDeleteOlder women have more difficulty in attracting quality mates, at least, in my country, I'm not sure in how far it's their own fault. Personally I shudder at the possibility of entering the dating scene again, at my age. I always tell to my husband: "I hope you survive me:)"
ReplyDeleteThe author was talking about young women in their (early?) twenties. They shouldn't experience any trouble at this age, unless there is something seriously wrong with them. Which he refuses to see!