I will admit, I'm anything except spontaneous:) I like things planned beforehand and have special days for cleaning the house and others for hanging out with friends. When I'm out shopping, I have a list Of Necessary Items in my hand and I seldom buy anything which isn't on it, even when it's on sale and I may use it in the future. In the past I have been known to write elaborate schedules and dinner menus.
There is one problem with this way of life, unfortunately. It's all very well when you are alone, but it becomes darn difficult when you have a family, as there are always some emergencies coming which interfere with your schedule tremendously. You simply can't take it for granted that you'll be able to vaccuum your whole house in peace on any given day any more. And then your husband comes earlier from work and suggests you two go out and drink a cup of coffee somewhere. What's a girl to do?
In my opinion, the lack of spontaneity is often connected to the control issue. Making schedules and elaborate shopping lists and planning every appointment two months before is the way to control one's surroundings. It's OK, to a degree, since a housewife is a family manager, but when it's taken to the extreme it will cause frustration both to the lady herself and to the unfortunate members of her household.
Being a control freak is never nice, especially in the relationship with your significant other. There should still be some fun, spontaneous interaction between the husband and wife, even (or should I probably say "especially") as they get older. If he asks you out, just go and let the laundry wait. Tomorrow is another day:)
I think it is with spontaneousness/controlling habits as it is almost with everything: you strenght is your weakness, too. If you are too much into something, the scale is not balanced. And balance is the key to harmony.
ReplyDeleteBut. There's always but... Being balanced is difficult. It contains struggle. No matter how much you read 'let it go' / 'become and stay organized' literature, it won't help if you don't do a thing.
There's no need to see one or another in a negative way. It's not about being a 'better person'. The point is to weaken your weakness (being overly organized/spontaneous/whatever) and to strenghten the opposite. Try to figure it out why it holds to your life so tight. Has it been safer to escape into imagination? Do you fear the unknown? Why it is so?
As you said, it's good to let the laundry wait every now and then, as it is good to vacuum every now and then and not just dim the lights...
I am a spontaneous person, as is my husband, too :-)
This topic reminded me of an indian story. A young boy approached to speak with The Wise Old Man. 'I need advice', he said, 'I feel like there are two wolves fighting inside me, an angry one and a kind one. Which one will win?'
ReplyDelete'The one you feed', answered The Wise Old Man
Miriam, that was a nice story:)
ReplyDeleteI think the problem is that as we get older we tend to lose the flexibility of mind typical for younger people, which isn't always good. Also, some women tend to turn into control freaks after they marry. It's like they lose the ability to appreciate the spontaneous acts of attention from their husbands, exactly because it wasn't planned.
The other extreme would be, of course, a household which totally lacks any order or routine and it's hardly ideal, either.