tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3139017677124620997.post1585757612803206992..comments2024-03-28T12:31:11.055-07:00Comments on Adventures In Keeping House: How Romantic Movement Destroyed MarriageSannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08124283361844607678noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3139017677124620997.post-68919840130920275022014-11-09T14:49:18.100-08:002014-11-09T14:49:18.100-08:00P.S. also, in some Western (non-Catholic) countrie...P.S. also, in some Western (non-Catholic) countries which allowed divorce, the refusal to have sex with your spouse was grounds for divorce.Sannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08124283361844607678noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3139017677124620997.post-52106733774193213722014-11-09T14:37:19.119-08:002014-11-09T14:37:19.119-08:00Miriam, I can only speak about Western Christian ...Miriam, I can only speak about Western Christian tradition, but I think it was similar for other cultures,too. To be valid, a marriage had to be consummated, i.e. the husband and wife had to have sex at least once. If they didn't, it was grounds for annulment. <br /><br />As for feelings, what I chiefly meant is that many women who shack up consider themselves married, unfortunately for them, men don't always feel the same:)<br /><br />Sannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08124283361844607678noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3139017677124620997.post-8510893923493899802014-11-09T12:39:12.527-08:002014-11-09T12:39:12.527-08:00What I was trying to say was that stepping into ma...What I was trying to say was that stepping into marriage can be difficult and adjusting life as a couple needs time, so it is a relief if you know something what you are expected, so you don't have to waste your precious energy in every possible issue under the sun.<br />Miriamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03130669456548942894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3139017677124620997.post-89979908913521256732014-11-09T12:34:23.707-08:002014-11-09T12:34:23.707-08:00You are absolutely right. I'm all for, as you ...You are absolutely right. I'm all for, as you wrote, strictly defined set of obligations. I mean, if you know where you are going in, what you are expected, it's easier to adjust into marriage. You don't have to 'find yourself', your married identity or the way of being married that suits you, because you are being saved from unnecessary stress and countless 'discussions' who should do this or that. Specific responsibilities build up, shared/'discussed' responsibilities do not. <br /><br />Of course feelings don't make you married. But, as you know a lot of historical facts, do you know if there has been any indication according to marital relations? Was marriage valid if relations haven't occured?<br /><br />Miriamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03130669456548942894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3139017677124620997.post-57146799276756602162014-11-09T10:50:40.341-08:002014-11-09T10:50:40.341-08:00I mean it's normal for people to have feelings...I mean it's normal for people to have feelings for each other when they get married, however, feelings aren't what creates a marriage in the first place. One can marry without love and still be legally married. Traditional marriages came with a strictly defined set of obligations for both husband and wife (and not only in Christian tradition). People who were getting married were aware of those requirements and the costs of breaking them. Nowadays, marriage is loosely defined (it's not at all uncommon for the couple who live together refer to each other as "husband" and "wife" and to their partner's parents as "my in-laws" (the irony obviously gets totally lost on them), the obligations of each spouse are hardly defined at all (stay-at-home dads and career moms, anyone), plus the union can be dissolved at any moment when one party feels like it. Sannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08124283361844607678noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3139017677124620997.post-80783105594275758812014-11-09T10:35:31.147-08:002014-11-09T10:35:31.147-08:00Also, in the context of marriage, what creates a m...Also, in the context of marriage, what creates a marriage is not "feeling married" but exchanging wedding vows in the presence of witnesses, whether in a civil or religious setting. Marriage is an institution, with its own rules, it's not something we can redefine according to how we feel at the moment. It's like joining the army. Once you are married "for better for worse", quitting on a whim is breaking your vows and was traditionally considered shameful. When we started defining marriage by our feelings, it died as an institution. Sannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08124283361844607678noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3139017677124620997.post-18945102400898478852014-11-09T10:29:24.905-08:002014-11-09T10:29:24.905-08:00I'm not against feelings:) I wrote a book abou...I'm not against feelings:) I wrote a book about passionate love, after all:) However, as Jane Austen famously said in one of her books, feelings should be subordinate to the sense of duty. In fact, feelings vs duty always makes for very interesting conflicts in literature. Sannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08124283361844607678noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3139017677124620997.post-21034138687874916062014-11-09T08:47:27.231-08:002014-11-09T08:47:27.231-08:00Sanne, you must be provoking :-) Life isn't so...Sanne, you must be provoking :-) Life isn't so black and white, and there is a place for feelings in a reasonable marriage too, isn't there?<br /><br />But in general, I'm with you. You probably remember my outpourings about thinking vs. feeling (The Iron Lady, a movie about Margaret Thatcher)Miriamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03130669456548942894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3139017677124620997.post-35382378439983712782014-11-09T07:19:55.132-08:002014-11-09T07:19:55.132-08:00Welcome to the blog, Molly! It's nice to hear ...Welcome to the blog, Molly! It's nice to hear from our neighbours:)Sannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08124283361844607678noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3139017677124620997.post-10591745223068208892014-11-09T05:38:30.077-08:002014-11-09T05:38:30.077-08:00Saane, This was a very thought provoking article. ...Saane, This was a very thought provoking article. I was talking to my husband on this very same subject earlier today.A "Feelings" culture, whether secular or faith based leads to all sorts of mayhem as witnessed by the results of "The anything goes" mindset.If it "feels" right do it, regardless of how it affects our communities or the world as a whole.Thank you.Molly. Germany.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3139017677124620997.post-5304606901125856502014-11-08T12:19:08.472-08:002014-11-08T12:19:08.472-08:00Sarah, you are welcome! I'm glad you liked it....Sarah, you are welcome! I'm glad you liked it...Sannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08124283361844607678noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3139017677124620997.post-53583766209672137192014-11-08T09:52:01.880-08:002014-11-08T09:52:01.880-08:00I found his very interesting and hope others comme...I found his very interesting and hope others comment and I can also read their ideas. It makes sense. Thank you for informing me. You and Lady Lydia have made me aware of so many things! Thank you! SarahAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com